Aiming for Perfection

[PeachyQueen 9]

Hi there! I got my VSG surgery last week on July 7th. After two days of gas pain (woof I did NOT love that,) I have been having, honestly, a pretty easy go. The biggest complaint I have is my incisions are itchy haha!

However, I have been having a LOT of anxiety over aiming for perfection: eating exactly what’s on my meal plan, exactly the right amount, and doing everything exactly right. Today, it stressed me out, which caused me to have a mini caving moment of having half of a gluten free cracker (chewed very slowly). Now, I don’t think that’s a huge deal, or will stretch my stomach and stitches open, but I am wondering do others struggle/struggled with following the rules to a T? And if you fail at doing so, what do you do. I think I’m freaking mainly because I’m internalizing my weight gain as not following rules, and now to get the results I HAVE to.

thanks

Edited July 11, 2022 by PeachyQueen

[TRAVELRN 68]

3 minutes ago, PeachyQueen said:

Hi there! I got my VSG surgery last week on July 7th. After two days of gas pain (woof I did NOT love that,) I have been having, honestly, a pretty easy go. The biggest complaint I have is my incisions are itchy haha!

However, I have been having a LOT of anxiety over aiming for perfection: eating exactly what’s on my meal plan, exactly the right amount, and doing everything exactly right. Today, it stressed me out, which caused me to have a mini caving moment of having half of a gluten free cracker (chewed very slowly). Now, I don’t think that’s a huge deal, or will stretch my stomach and stitches open, but I am wondering do others struggle/struggled with following the rules to a T? And if you fail at doing so, what do you do. I think I’m freaking mainly because I’m internalizing my weight gain as not following rules, and now to get the results I HAVE to.

thanks

Congratulations!!! you really need to be careful this fresh out. There is nothing wrong with following whats on your meal plan etc. That is why they give it to you. I found when I started getting anxious about the enormity of it all that I slowed it down to one day at a time and even for a few days had to go down to one meal at a time. Be mindful of those "mini caving" moments. I suggest meal tracking and keeping a food diary. Writing down what is going on when you feel those moments. It has helped me tremendously to identified what my food cues are and why I ate when I ate.

[ShoppGirl 3,356]

For a short while perfectionism isn’t a bad thing. It’s pretty important that you follow the post op phases to protect your healing tummy. Most of us do our best during the weight loss phase as well but in maintenance you definitely don’t have to be perfect all of the time. You can have some of your favorite foods in moderation.

[FutureSylph 377]

13 hours ago, PeachyQueen said:

I am wondering do others struggle/struggled with following the rules to a T?

Nope. One of the (admittedly few) benefits of being older is that I gave up my perfectionism years ago, and am much happier for it. You do what you can, blow off the rest, and learn to dust yourself off and climb back on the wagon when you fall.

[The Greater Fool 1,950]

First, congratulations on your surgery and your successes.

Perfection as a goal is fine. I always say become a plan nazi. But it's important to understand that it is a goal. We are not perfect, dammit. This is hard to accept because you look at where you fell short and you just know you could have done it right. Can you tell this is an ongoing issue for me? In my OCD world, there is never an excuse for being less than perfect.

What's more important is how you deal with the occasional diversion.- If you're going to go kick and berate yourself, then it's time work at giving yourself permission to live. Honestly, half a cracker is a good choice for breaking a liquid diet because it's just gonna melt anyhow. It's just not that big of a deal.

Perhaps put minor diversions in your perfection. If you put it in your plan then it's OK.

Once you've done something there is nothing you can do to undo it. So acceptance is something to work on. Be perfect at acceptance.

Also, this 'mistake' is really standing out. It's like it written in big letters, highlighted, with a spotlight on it, and everyone around pointing at it. It's getting all the attention. Remember that you had a whole lot more successes, and they're all around you being ignored. Give yourself some credit.

You may want to talk to a therapist, or read a couple books on how your mind works. It may help.

Good luck,

Tek

[PeachyQueen 9]

4 minutes ago, The Greater Fool said:

First, congratulations on your surgery and your successes.

Perfection as a goal is fine. I always say become a plan nazi. But it's important to understand that it is a goal. We are not perfect, dammit. This is hard to accept because you look at where you fell short and you just know you could have done it right. Can you tell this is an ongoing issue for me? In my OCD world, there is never an excuse for being less than perfect.

What's more important is how you deal with the occasional diversion.- If you're going to go kick and berate yourself, then it's time work at giving yourself permission to live. Honestly, half a cracker is a good choice for breaking a liquid diet because it's just gonna melt anyhow. It's just not that big of a deal.

Perhaps put minor diversions in your perfection. If you put it in your plan then it's OK.

Once you've done something there is nothing you can do to undo it. So acceptance is something to work on. Be perfect at acceptance.

Also, this 'mistake' is really standing out. It's like it written in big letters, highlighted, with a spotlight on it, and everyone around pointing at it. It's getting all the attention. Remember that you had a whole lot more successes, and they're all around you being ignored. Give yourself some credit.

You may want to talk to a therapist, or read a couple books on how your mind works. It may help.

Good luck,

Tek

Wow, thank you, I think this is truly what I need to hear. I am already looking into therapists because while Ive never had an ED, I think it's better to be proactive then reactive, and I actually found one who uses food as healing which I think will be great for me!

I definitely am giving myself credit - I've lost 34 lbs from my first visit, and 10 post-op. I just am a "nip it in the bud" kinda gal when problems arise.

Overall, I think aiming for perfection, as most of you said, right now is a good goal - but knowing it wont be perfect everytime is something I have to be mindful of!

[SkinnyMingo1408 356]

Pre-opp I was a person that soothed with food. I also rewarded with food and did everything else with food. Kinda how I ended up in my current fix.

Therapy has helped A LOT. Now I reward by going to paint, having a sister night, self-care massage etc. And I soothe the same way. By doing things that are rewarding to me, make me feel good instead of riddle me with guilt.

I am tempted to cheat but I'm afraid of dumping. That fear keeps me honest... so far. I am not so naive to think I will never cheat and when I do I'll give myself grace, pick myself up, dust myself off and start again on the right track. It's all about starting over. Let this be a learning lesson and not a stumbling block.