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10 years post gastric bypass surgery !! having a hard time finding love



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Hello everyone,

I see as I read all of the recent postings that you all are pretty new to this new life you now have, but I would love to help anyone who needs advise on anything about whatever is on your minds.

I had my surgery on march 28 th 2011. I was 422 pounds and today I am 119 pounds at 5 ft 7 tall. And since then I have not found a love in my life as most do not understand all of the things that comes with the new you. Anyone also having this problem?

My name is Athena

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Hello Athena. What do you mean all of the things that come with the new you? With the exception of being mindful of what I eat now and no longer liking alcohol things are pretty much the same for me as they were before surgery. What obstacles are you having?

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There is a forum on here for singles who had WLS….could be worth a try? May find someone else who has been through it all.

Edited by ShoppGirl

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422 to 119 that is impressive! Also i see you are located in Alaska. What part? I sold my property in Healy, Alaska to pay for this surgery.

Edited by seadoo2021

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I think dating depends on your interests, geography, and your sexuality. I see you are in Alaska. Men outnumber men 4/1. If you like women, finding one will be more difficult. Between technology and Covid, most people date online first, so the chances of meeting someone are much higher, but you have to do some fine sifting. Work dating still happens but can be extremely awkward or a possible lawsuit. I haven’t found any more navigation problems post surgery with dates. I’m still picky and turning inappropriate men and women down. They don’t care if I eat less than them!

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I find online dating is full of scammers pretending to be somebody that they’re not. I just don’t feel safe doing it anymore. My plans once I get my surgery and get to the point where I can be active again is to start going to meetups like hiking and biking. That’s a great way to meet people in general and then who knows.

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32 minutes ago, ATHENA LEIGH said:

Anchorage. I’ve lived here often on since 1967 I love Alaska

Oh wow. that is the year my parents were born. Alaska was awesome and i miss it so much. I love the interior more tho. Love Fairbanks. Once i get this surgery and get healthy i plan on going back

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Welcome to the site, Athena. Congratulations on your success. Do you feel your size or WLS has impacted your ability to find love?

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No and someways I do feel my size but like I stated before I’m still shocked! Like when I take my jeans out of the dryer and I’m folding my clothes I think they’re my eight-year-old granddaughters I only wear a size 0 in jeans now which I thought I never would. And I look at them and hold them up and go how am I going to get my big butt in there ha ha I guess we’re always going to have a big girl brain fat girl brain we got little fat girls on all of our sells little pictures of us so that’s just it we’re in print it with a certain DNA and that’s the way it goes nurture nature right? And yeah I’ve been having a really hard time finding anybody to be significant worth for any kind of a lasting time.

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Well OK see you do! Boy you sure know how to make somebody feel old ha ha!! Do you or your parents were born huh OK but I’ll ask his nurse in whole I’ll like all of it the interior gets too hot in the winter excuse me two hot in the summer and too cold in the winter and there’s no huge beautiful mountains and I love the ocean and I love being near the mountains and having so much more access to things here in Anchorage but I love to go up there anyway and visit through the summer take my motorhome and have a good time and I do all this solo but I live in Alaska so I make sure I’m always packing some kind of a gun

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19 minutes ago, ATHENA LEIGH said:

No and someways I do feel my size but like I stated before I’m still shocked! Like when I take my jeans out of the dryer and I’m folding my clothes I think they’re my eight-year-old granddaughters I only wear a size 0 in jeans now which I thought I never would. And I look at them and hold them up and go how am I going to get my big butt in there ha ha I guess we’re always going to have a big girl brain fat girl brain we got little fat girls on all of our sells little pictures of us so that’s just it we’re in print it with a certain DNA and that’s the way it goes nurture nature right? And yeah I’ve been having a really hard time finding anybody to be significant worth for any kind of a lasting time.

I feel the same way.... I hold up pants and think.... How in the hell does this fit. There is no way i'm that small. It's body dysmorphia....

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21 hours ago, ATHENA LEIGH said:

Hello everyone,

I see as I read all of the recent postings that you all are pretty new to this new life you now have, but I would love to help anyone who needs advise on anything about whatever is on your minds.

I had my surgery on march 28 th 2011. I was 422 pounds and today I am 119 pounds at 5 ft 7 tall. And since then I have not found a love in my life as most do not understand all of the things that comes with the new you. Anyone also having this problem?

My name is Athena

Hi Athena, I can somewhat relate to what you're experiencing. When I was in my early 20's I weighed 346lbs and then through just diet and exercise I lost 180lbs, joined the Air Force, and lived an amazing life - until I got married, retired from the AF and lost a baby all in the same year. I have since gained a ton of weight back - so here I am on this forum, waiting for my RNY surgery in March. But if you notice, I did find love. Actually, I was a ho for a while before I found my needle in the haystack. I can relate with your experience. Don't rush it. I don't know your age, but I was 36 when I got married. I met my husband in Afghanistan, on deployment. He did not fit the 'type' of guy I had envisioned myself meeting and falling in love with. I am 5'11, he is 5'8. He is from Afghanistan, I am not. I had to get over myself and my expectations of what I thought love would look like before actually allowing this relationship to work - and it does. He loved me and all my scars and he still loved me with all this weight. Real love doesn't know a number on the scale and will support you no matter the obstacle.

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I don’t know if I’d actually categorize it as an actual psychological situation with the body image. I think I had more of that when I was 422 pounds which was my largest. I guess I’m just an odd how amazing the human body is and how it changes so drastically and if you remember the despair we had before surgeries we just never thought of ourselves as being thin and now that it’s here it’s kind of like Cinderella finally found her other slipper! We all got to the ball on time!

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2 hours ago, ATHENA LEIGH said:

Well OK see you do! Boy you sure know how to make somebody feel old ha ha!! Do you or your parents were born huh OK but I’ll ask his nurse in whole I’ll like all of it the interior gets too hot in the winter excuse me two hot in the summer and too cold in the winter and there’s no huge beautiful mountains and I love the ocean and I love being near the mountains and having so much more access to things here in Anchorage but I love to go up there anyway and visit through the summer take my motorhome and have a good time and I do all this solo but I live in Alaska so I make sure I’m always packing some kind of a gun

LOL Yea last summer i was there in 2016 and it was in the 90's. very hot. I also do everything solo and that is how i like it. Yes i always carry everywhere i go especially in Alaska. Lots of bears where my property was but good thing is they always just pass on thru.

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