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Friend saw me for the first time in 3 months...



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These type of people just make me mad. And I don’t keep my mouth shut so I give it back just as good or better. It just strengthens my resolve when I hear how somebody had the surgery and gained the weight back. I also ask those people why they are not telling me about those folks who were successful and kept the weight off. Grrrrr

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Those women aren’t your friends if they can’t be there for you in your successes and struggles. Misery loves company and you’ve opted out of that particular party. Pretty sucky when your own family doesn’t support you though. That must be rough.

side note: If WLS is cheating then isn’t taking advantage of other modern advances cheating too? Like using the microwave or washing machine or taking medication if we’re sick? The cheating/easy way comments are the dumbest arguments ever.

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On 02/23/2021 at 16:55, NiceAnkles said:



Those women aren’t your friends if they can’t be there for you in your successes and struggles. Misery loves company and you’ve opted out of that particular party. Pretty sucky when your own family doesn’t support you though. That must be rough.





side note: If WLS is cheating then isn’t taking advantage of other modern advances cheating too? Like using the microwave or washing machine or taking medication if we’re sick? The cheating/easy way comments are the dumbest arguments ever.


Exactly!

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I agree. Those women are not your real, true friends. I’m very sorry this has been your experience. Honestly if they are like this then they prob weren’t a very good friend before but maybe it wasn’t realized until now. I’m sorry you deserve to be congratulated on your success and cheered on. Continue to keep up the good work and if you need friends and kind words of encouragement there are plenty here on this forum that will be here for you!
Keep your head up! Great job!!

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Honestly, this is already the hardest diet I've ever been on. From pre-op until now... I've learned so much and tried a bunch of new "healthier" foods I would have never tried before. My previous diets were all about eliminating foods but because this is for the long haul, I have a different mindset now. People who haven't been through it, can't really understand. I have a bunch of smaller friends who have gotten liposuction, lifts and enhancements but I KNOW they would still judge me if I told them. Its funny that they think their surgeries are minor or not as bad because they technically didn't need it. But they look down on bariatric surgery because they think its a "cheat." They think people should just eat right and work out... 🙄 meanwhile they eat horribly. Its just the way some people are. I decided not to say anything to anyone.

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On 2/20/2021 at 8:40 PM, BayouTiger said:

Hi y’all, I’m back for some support because I can feel mine waning so quickly it’s actually outpacing my weight loss. So today I got to see a friend for a second for the first time since November. (I’ve lost 48 lbs since then). She told me I looked “sickly” and “50 lbs is plenty” and that I was going to regret “butchering my body” in 10 years when I end up back where I started. She said all what I’ve done is undermined the hard work that people like her have put in to do it “the non cheaters way out.” I was actually stunned to hear those words uttered to me. I’m not trying to toot my own horn, but I’m nice to a fault, like I get told by people all the time I have no mean bone in my body. I didn’t have the guts to stand up for myself in that moment. I would never dream of being unsupportive of ANYONE trying to better themselves. So seeing people I’ve confided in and spent so much time with in my adult life turn on me for something that was done for health reasons that would have eventually killed me, has absolutely demoralized me. I don’t need to be coddled, but a little bit of “yeah we’ve seen first hand, your health deteriorate in the last 2 years, this is definitely something that’s going to help you so we’re here” would just mean a lot. But alas, I guess my expectations are too high.

This is my 3rd friend in 3 weeks to completely rail on me and tell me how dumb I am or how big of a failure I’m going to be, and I don’t think this isn’t the kind of journey that I can do on my own. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know who to confide in, and I don’t know how to convince myself that people are gonna judge and I’m just going to have to be okay with it. But I’m struggling. Never thought doing something to save my life would rid me of all my 3 best friends. And these aren’t co-workers or acquaintances, these are hang out every weekend, talk daily, been doing it for 5 years, type of people. How do I get through this? Any advice is welcomed and appreciated.

Sorry for being so long winded. If you read this far, thank you. I just needed to vent.

I am sorry you experienced that sounds hurtful... I would really consider droppin these friends just like you've been dropping these pounds... what was this person's goal by telling you this.. i cant see anything other than to hurt you... these actions make this relationship questionable...u were strong enough to go through with this process..use that same strength to create you boundaries and let people know that their comments are unwanted and unacceptable

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This has been an incredibly helpful thread. I suspect most of us have had similar experiences to some degree. When I divorced 7 years ago I lost a LOT of friends who I considered family, so that prepared me for this journey. I actually had to cut out my mother and brother, the former because she loves to sabotage, and the latter because he weighs 400+ pounds and doesn't want to hear about how I'm doing. It'll be interesting to see how co-workers (and my uber-body-conscious athlete boss) react when I return to work.

All this to say that there's nothing wrong with healthy boundaries. You can still love your family and friends, but you DO NOT have to tolerate their BS or feel responsible for their issues and hang-ups. Love them from a distance and decide later if you want to let them back in.

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1 hour ago, NiceAnkles said:

side note: If WLS is cheating then isn’t taking advantage of other modern advances cheating too? Like using the microwave or washing machine or taking medication if we’re sick? The cheating/easy way comments are the dumbest arguments ever

The most hilarious thing to me is that one of the “friends” gets Botox, fillers, and a second one just recently had a gingivoplasty because she “didn’t like the way her teeth looked.”

How is having cosmetic surgery any different or cheating than WLS? They’re just cheating age and poor gum maintenance! But that’s all fair game, when we try to do something for our health it’s put in the “pathetic” and “vain” category. It’s so messed up.

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20 hours ago, dms75 said:

Congrats for dropping 800+ pounds of mostly toxic tissue, just like that! 😉

I really like that! I've had to go non-contact with my sister for various reasons, which was initially very hard but this made me laugh about it! I miss her less with every day that goes by - it really is true that "out of sight is out of mind".

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Yeah.. I completely understand, people often act in the exact opposite way you think.

I told 2 friends I was having surgery. One who is quite obese and one who is very fit. Surprisingly they both had the same response - "Don't do it, it'll ruin your life". One said I'd be vomiting constantly and not ever be able to go anywhere. I didn't see the fit friend for about 6 months post and when I finally did the first thing she said was "Well, you look the same", it killed me. I had lost almost 90 pounds at that that stage.

I'm seeing a bunch of friends on the weekend for the first time in a really long time, I'm really nervous about what they'll all say. I couldn't handle negative comments on mass!

Things are better with the 2 friends now but it has affected how I think of them. I never thought they would be like that and now I'm very careful about what I say to anyone about anything I'm doing to try to better myself!

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Two words: jealous & mean. Definitely not your true friends. Friends don’t do that to friends. It is not cheating and you won’t be where you were in 10 years unless you totally abandon your new knowledge and eating habits. I think you’ve made the decision to have surgery because you needed help to get your health on track. Stay the course and remember who you are and why you had surgery in the first place. Eliminate people who put “you” at risk. I hope to read good and positive things about you in the future😊

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On 2/20/2021 at 8:40 PM, BayouTiger said:

Hi y’all, I’m back for some support because I can feel mine waning so quickly it’s actually outpacing my weight loss. So today I got to see a friend for a second for the first time since November. (I’ve lost 48 lbs since then). She told me I looked “sickly” and “50 lbs is plenty” and that I was going to regret “butchering my body” in 10 years when I end up back where I started. She said all what I’ve done is undermined the hard work that people like her have put in to do it “the non cheaters way out.” I was actually stunned to hear those words uttered to me. I’m not trying to toot my own horn, but I’m nice to a fault, like I get told by people all the time I have no mean bone in my body. I didn’t have the guts to stand up for myself in that moment. I would never dream of being unsupportive of ANYONE trying to better themselves. So seeing people I’ve confided in and spent so much time with in my adult life turn on me for something that was done for health reasons that would have eventually killed me, has absolutely demoralized me. I don’t need to be coddled, but a little bit of “yeah we’ve seen first hand, your health deteriorate in the last 2 years, this is definitely something that’s going to help you so we’re here” would just mean a lot. But alas, I guess my expectations are too high.

This is my 3rd friend in 3 weeks to completely rail on me and tell me how dumb I am or how big of a failure I’m going to be, and I don’t think this isn’t the kind of journey that I can do on my own. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know who to confide in, and I don’t know how to convince myself that people are gonna judge and I’m just going to have to be okay with it. But I’m struggling. Never thought doing something to save my life would rid me of all my 3 best friends. And these aren’t co-workers or acquaintances, these are hang out every weekend, talk daily, been doing it for 5 years, type of people. How do I get through this? Any advice is welcomed and appreciated.

Sorry for being so long winded. If you read this far, thank you. I just needed to vent.

those aren't friends and as crappy as it feels you're lucky they are showing their true colors. Get them out of your life asap as you level up. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. They want to keep you as their (no offense) "fat friend" and they cant stand the idea you are no longer going to be that so they are actively trying to sabotage you. Dont let them. Hugs to you and your journey

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On 2/20/2021 at 10:40 PM, BayouTiger said:

Hi y’all, I’m back for some support because I can feel mine waning so quickly it’s actually outpacing my weight loss. So today I got to see a friend for a second for the first time since November. (I’ve lost 48 lbs since then). She told me I looked “sickly” and “50 lbs is plenty” and that I was going to regret “butchering my body” in 10 years when I end up back where I started. She said all what I’ve done is undermined the hard work that people like her have put in to do it “the non cheaters way out.” I was actually stunned to hear those words uttered to me. I’m not trying to toot my own horn, but I’m nice to a fault, like I get told by people all the time I have no mean bone in my body. I didn’t have the guts to stand up for myself in that moment. I would never dream of being unsupportive of ANYONE trying to better themselves. So seeing people I’ve confided in and spent so much time with in my adult life turn on me for something that was done for health reasons that would have eventually killed me, has absolutely demoralized me. I don’t need to be coddled, but a little bit of “yeah we’ve seen first hand, your health deteriorate in the last 2 years, this is definitely something that’s going to help you so we’re here” would just mean a lot. But alas, I guess my expectations are too high.

This is my 3rd friend in 3 weeks to completely rail on me and tell me how dumb I am or how big of a failure I’m going to be, and I don’t think this isn’t the kind of journey that I can do on my own. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know who to confide in, and I don’t know how to convince myself that people are gonna judge and I’m just going to have to be okay with it. But I’m struggling. Never thought doing something to save my life would rid me of all my 3 best friends. And these aren’t co-workers or acquaintances, these are hang out every weekend, talk daily, been doing it for 5 years, type of people. How do I get through this? Any advice is welcomed and appreciated.

Sorry for being so long winded. If you read this far, thank you. I just needed to vent.

Sometimes we are able to tell who our true friends are by what we go through. You’re from the boot so am I, lol. You are also the same height as me and judging by what you’re friends said you carry your weight like me also. When I got down to 197 I look small being that I’m just 5’4. Keep your eyes on the prize and be glade you were able to separate the weeds from the wheat( fake friends from real friends) Find a support group close to you and make new friends😊

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Sounds like those so called friends need a hard look at themselves. Sounds like they are projecting their jealousy and insecurities on you. It’s hard to lose a friend but if someone can talk to you like that then they obviously don’t have you interests at heart and don’t deserve your friendship. At the end of the day you need to be your best friend and everything else will fall into place 😊😊. Hugs

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