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Keeping surgery a secret? What did you tell others?



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4 minutes ago, Recidivist said:

One of my very close friends also reacted negatively. He is also obese, and my assessment that he was threatened by my decision to proactively do something to improve my health (and later envious of my success). I'm sorry to say that the friendship has never fully recovered.

Oh wow. I never thought about that. Thank you for sharing.

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41 minutes ago, Recidivist said:

One of my very close friends also reacted negatively. He is also obese, and my assessment that he was threatened by my decision to proactively do something to improve my health (and later envious of my success). I'm sorry to say that the friendship has never fully recovered.

Wow that is so sad. Sorry to hear that.

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On 2/15/2021 at 10:58 AM, Jnfinney said:

I am in the same situation. Only immediate family, my significant other, and a couple close friends know I’m having surgery. I was extremely disheartened when I tried to tell my best friend about it and she responded negatively. She told me that she wasn’t going to let me mutilate my body over a surgery that wasn’t necessary. I was shocked by her response as she is overweight as well. Luckily she lives 2 hours away from me, but I’m still bummed that I can’t share my excitement with her.

This makes me so sad, because I’m in the same boat, and even just being a week out, the negativity from my “best friends” has been absolutely demoralizing. My friends that have gotten to know me in the last 5 years (me at my biggest) have always been “my size,” so when I got sick this year and found a hernia and some other health issues and decided to get sleeved, they were initially supportive because it would fix my illness... but now that I’ve been through pre-op and am now a week post-op, my best friend has been sending me Snapchat’s of Planet Fitness saying “must be nice never having to come back to one of these places again,” and another of her fitness tracker app saying “oh, look, I lost a pound. But I guess that doesn’t mean sh** when you’ve lost 40 since January. And then paid money to have 80% of your gut taken out...to lose more.” And it just honestly shocked me and made me so, so sad. I’m a hermit, I keep a very small circle and I feel like it’s just gonna keep shrinking. I wish I never would have told anyone but my immediate family.

If you need any support or anything feel free to reach out to me. Hugs and best of luck on your journey!!!

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12 minutes ago, BayouTiger said:

This makes me so sad, because I’m in the same boat, and even just being a week out, the negativity from my “best friends” has been absolutely demoralizing. My friends that have gotten to know me in the last 5 years (me at my biggest) have always been “my size,” so when I got sick this year and found a hernia and some other health issues and decided to get sleeved, they were initially supportive because it would fix my illness... but now that I’ve been through pre-op and am now a week post-op, my best friend has been sending me Snapchat’s of Planet Fitness saying “must be nice never having to come back to one of these places again,” and another of her fitness tracker app saying “oh, look, I lost a pound. But I guess that doesn’t mean sh** when you’ve lost 40 since January. And then paid money to have 80% of your gut taken out...to lose more.” And it just honestly shocked me and made me so, so sad. I’m a hermit, I keep a very small circle and I feel like it’s just gonna keep shrinking. I wish I never would have told anyone but my immediate family.

If you need any support or anything feel free to reach out to me. Hugs and best of luck on your journey!!!

Wow the proverbial who needs enemies with a friend like that rings true here. You don't need that toxicity in your life.

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On 2/14/2021 at 8:57 PM, rmarierenwick said:

I really do not want to tell people I am having bariatric surgery. To me, it is a personal decision and I do not want others to know in such depth. Obviously I will be taking time off for work and losing weight fast. What should I tell people who ask?

The only person who knows is my mother because I'm under her insurance so she would've eventually found out. I chose not to tell my 6 siblings or my father because I witnessed how they spoke about my sister's sleeve surgery, and while it wasn't negative I just didn't like the idea of someone discussing me, my body, or my eating habits.

Coincidentally, I had a different health issue I was going to physical therapy for, so I told them I was having surgery for that. For the past 6 months I've just been relating my doctor visits to that issue instead of bariatric surgery.

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On 2/14/2021 at 8:57 PM, rmarierenwick said:

I really do not want to tell people I am having bariatric surgery. To me, it is a personal decision and I do not want others to know in such depth. Obviously I will be taking time off for work and losing weight fast. What should I tell people who ask?

Well people going to think what they want to think anyway. But I told my family I am having gastric sleeve surgery because Im doing what is best for me to survive. Either be supportive or dont say nothing at all.

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I didn't even tell my husband until about 3 weeks before surgery. I had told 1 friend because she has also been considering it and she was the only one who knew up until I got my surgery date. Then I told my husband, my boss and 1 person at work who had the surgery last year. My kids found out about a week before and my in-laws 2 days before. I still haven't told my parents and I am 2 weeks PO. Once my weight loss is obvious, if people ask, I will tell them. I am not ashamed of it. I just didn't want to jinx anything. I literally wasn't approved until 60 hours before I had to be at the hospital for the surgery.

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I was going to keep it a secret, but decided not to. It has actually made it easier. Nobody questions why I eat so little, and after 3 months, nobody even asks about it anymore. The occasional "how much have you lost?" is all I get.

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How much weight is a normal amount to loose in the first 2 weeks after bypass?

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11 minutes ago, TC68 said:

How much weight is a normal amount to loose in the first 2 weeks after bypass?

there's really no normal. People lose weight at all different rates for all different reasons (age, gender, metabolic level, body composition, activity level, starting BMI, whether or not they lost weight before surgery, etc). Plus a lot of people gain weight during their hospital stay because of the IV fluids (some gain 10 or more lbs, in fact), and it can take up to a week to get rid of that. And then there's the infamous "three-week stall", which most people go through sometime within the first month or so of surgery - usually the third week, but not always -- and sometimes it comes early. I had my early stall during weeks 2 & 3. So...it's hard to tell. I would say most people lose somewhere in the 15-25 lb the first MONTH of surgery (you'll find some who lose more or less than that, but that range seems to be the norm), but it's all across the board the first week or two...

Edited by catwoman7

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On 2/14/2021 at 10:50 PM, Circus321 said:

I’m getting a sleeve and haven’t had surgery yet but when I put in for leave at work I told my boss and coworkers that I was having part of my stomach removed due to ulcers (not entirely a lie, I do need it for that reason as well). I joked about how “at least I’ll lose weight as a side effect” and everyone was supportive and called me “lucky” to be losing weight as a side effect of a “legitimate medical procedure”. And then they all trash talked getting a bariatric procedure solely for weight loss 🙄. If you don’t feel comfortable sharing with anyone you certainly don’t have to, but if you want to maybe stretching the truth a bit will help it be easier to swallow for others. It’s so sad that weight loss procedures are shamed. We’re looked down on for being fat and then looked down on for doing the things we have to do to lose weight. It’s not fair

I have my surgery in two weeks and I told my boss that I am getting a tumor removed and with that I will need a partial gastrectomy which is true, but I don’t feel the need to tell her or any of my coworkers my medical business that is your choice. I only told close family and my best friend. No one else needs to know anything and it’s not that I’m ashamed it’s just none of their f$;&@/?! business! Lol

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You do not have to tell anyone.. It is none of their business.
I did tell everyone, but I'm pretty much an open book. And I only know a couple people lol. The funny thing is my respiratory therapist in the hospital (I have asthma) was one of my son's classmates moms, and the xray tech was another of my sons classmates moms, so I couldn't have hid it too well if I wanted to.
It really is a personal decision though.. If people ask why you're losing you could say you're eating healthier, which is the absolute truth!
I know people probably judge me for having wls but I don't care. If someone hasn't had a weight problem they don't know what it's like. I figure by being open about it, maybe I can educate some people.
Luckily, people have been very supportive so far.

Sent from my Nokia 7.2 using BariatricPal mobile app

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Same. I had my surgery in October. I told 4 people close to me because I didn't want to be known to the rest of the world as the girl that had the weight loss surgery. A friend that had the surgery said that she felt that way and wished she hadn't shared it with others. I'm a pretty private person, so her comments stuck with me. As I've been losing weight and people ask what I'm doing, I just tell them I'm doing Keto. The bariatric diet is high in Protein and low in carbs, so the diet they see me eating reflects that. Also, I don't feel like I'm lying because I am basically doing keto. Everyone has their own path- just do what's best for you!

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I’m the same. My partner of course he knows he’s loaned me the money to pay for it. I then told my daughter and elder sister who do t approve of my decision and have been quite blunt with me. My son he’s just Mum if this is gonna make you Happy than I’m all for it.
No one at my place of work knows and I’ve already asked the hospital to put just surgery on my sick notes and they’ve said no problem.
My choice to not say anything to others is clearly I’m sick of being judged.
People in my work will make up stories about my different appearance anyway sadly it’s that kinda place.

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