What was/is your greatest fear?

[BigSue 1,325]

Pretty much the same as what others have already said!

• Complications - The main reason I took so long to have the surgery (I first looked into it about 15 years ago) is that I've always been lucky enough to have good health, and I was afraid that I would have complications and end up being sick and in the hospital all the time. I actually didn't worry that much about dying, but I don't have any dependents. In the last few days before surgery, it occurred to me that I should put my affairs in order just in case. I intended to leave some notes on my work in case I died and someone had to pick up what I was doing, but I eventually decided, "If I'm dead, work can be someone else's problem."
• Surgery getting canceled/delayed - I had a fairly narrow window to get the surgery at a time that wouldn't conflict with any major commitments, and I was afraid I wouldn't be able to get in that window because of COVID, insurance delays, issues discovered during pre-op testing (I had this feeling that they would find a problem on the EKG the morning of surgery, or that I would get COVID right before surgery), and then I'd have to wait until next year to do it. The pre-op process seemed a little too easy and I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
• Not losing weight/regain - I live in fear of regain every single day. I've been on a lot of diets and lost a lot of weight, only to regain it and more every time. I've heard of people getting WLS and regaining all the weight, and wow, that would be devasting, to go through all of this and end up back where I started. I'm doing great now, but I have this nagging knowledge that I've been here before, succeeding at weight loss for a short period of time, but I've never been able to sustain it in the long run.

I actually had very little concern about my appearance since I looked horrible at my heaviest and it could only improve. I wasn't bothered by the thought of having loose skin because I think loose skin is far better than the alternative (skin full of fat). I never thought I would consider plastic surgery, but now I'm jealous of the results of people here who have had it, so I'm not so sure anymore (I still have a long way to go before I get to that bridge, though).

[Recidivist 1,141]

I had two major concerns:

1. Complications from the surgery, including dying on the table. I was so freaked out that I burst into tears as I was being wheeled into surgery. As it turns out, I did have a complication: my pouch leaked and I had to stay in the hospital a couple of extra days. However, it was easily fixed and did not affect my later success at all.

2. Never being able to eat "normally" again. I was afraid that I would never again be able to enjoy food or eat the things I loved. 18 months out, that's not an issue at all. I'm certainly not eating like I used to, but I eat a variety of foods and don't feel at all deprived. In retrospect, I'm eating normally now--and I wasn't before.

[samiaam25 23]

10/19/2020 11:09 AM, Smitty74 said:

I am brand new to all of this today...so this may have come up before. What was/is your greatest fear going into surgery?

I am being sleeved on 11/18. I am VERY EXCITED to take this next important step in my life. There are so many things I think (and research) about as the date draws closer and closer...but my GREATEST FEAR is that I won't like the way that I look. I know that may seem very shallow given the complexity and importance of everything else tied to the procedure...but I can't help it.

I have been big my entire life....and I actually like the way that I look (except for my torso). I just want/need to get my health under control.

Does anyone else have crazy things like this that consume their mental side of the experience?

I had a few fears:

1. Dying, as many others mentioned

2. The recovery time/process. For whatever reason the pain and stages of food afterwards really freaked me out.

3. Changing my relationship with food and missing some of my old favorites.

4. Complications like staple line leaks.

I am currently five days out from my surgery so I can’t offer any long term advice or insight, but I can tell you was ecstatic when I woke up and was actually alive. The pain isn’t as bad as I imagined it would be, but it’s there (incision pain and internal stomach pain when sipping)... and one thing that happened that I didn’t initially fear was that my surgeon found a mass on my liver while she was operating so now I have that to worry about once I heal from my sleeve surgery. I’ll have to have an MRI and biopsy in a few weeks. I’ll add that I’m only 35 years old so I’m hoping it turns out to be nothing. 

But, I’m still glad I did this, my long term health is finally a priority for me and I needed this tool to get there.

[Smitty74 29]

There is something very powerful about talking about your fears. THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!!!

[beachparty 11]

Mine are:
The surgery not working
Vomiting right after surgery
Complications
My age
Not telling my kids about the surgery

I have only told my daughter my husband and my mom. I tried talking to a good friend about it but apparently she was waiting for me and had a long list of why this is a bad idea. Kind of a good thing I have a hernia so I just tell people that is why I am having the surgery.

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[Pookyl 34]

I was afraid of, and still am afraid, of not losing weight

[BayougirlMrsS 3,933]

17 hours ago, Smitty74 said:

What are a few of the bads you are referring to? If you don't mind?

First.... i did have fears.... the first WLS (band) i feared the same as everyone else... Death, failure, regain of weight.

Second time.... Because i told no one except my husband... death and not having told my kids and family. Again failure and gaining back. Having a complication and having to cancel my wedding which was a month after SX.

@Smitty74 Goods: Health, and knowing that you are doing this to make positive changes in your life. Confidence in knowing that you are taking control of your life and that most things will get better. I like walking with my head held high knowing i look better. I always hung my head and looked at the ground. Hated shopping (still dont care for it). The feeling of ..... WOW i just did that (fill in your own). I still want to go sky diving, i want to do a long hike, I want to go to an elaborate Ball and look like a million bucks. I want to buy and wear a really sexy Halloween costume and feel great in it.

Bads: How people treat you before..... I've seen and felt both... before where you feel invisible (men actually hold doors open now). People pass and don't give you the time of day, won't help if in trouble, look at you with terror when they think you will sit next to them on a plane. How your own family will sometimes treat you...... they try to stop you from doing the SX because of their fears of your dying, that you will leave them. Partners will sometimes discourage you because of their own insecurities.... Mine did, he said ... You don't need WLS you just need to diet and go work out as you did before and stick with it (then ask you to bake a cake). He said that my personality changed, and I know it did. I wasn't that easily controlled person anymore. He controlled everything in my life because I had zero confidence and felt like I didn't deserve better. After I lost, I gained confidence, and the things I settled for in the past I no longer settled for. No longer did I just agree with everything he wanted. I wanted things too... I wanted to go out and be an active member of society (he was happy sitting on the couch). I had so much built-up energy... I no longer wanted to settle for sex 2x a year. He told me from day one of our marriage that one day we would divorce. Turns out back then he was cheating on me (i was even smaller than i am now). I thought that if i lost the weight he would want me again.... Nope, turns out losing weight tore us even further apart. His insecurities really came to lite. In the nearly 8 years i had the lapband he cheated on me (i didn't know for sure, but my gut knew). He would insult me on a daily basis about my WL. Tell me i look terrible, a bag of bones, ugly, wrinkly, and that i needed to gain the weight back. And for a little while, I did put on 20lbs to make him happy, but I was starting to get depressed again. I snapped out of it and lost that 20lbs and begged him to go to get help, but he said no, that there was nothing wrong with him..... it was all me. After 25-26 years my marriage ended.

I lost close friends that couldn't understand my new way of life. They were happy being large and happy with themselves. And it think thats great for them, but it was not for me. So when they would ask to go eat out, they couldn't understand that I no longer took joy in food. That food was just some to keep me alive. I wanted to go to the gym an exercise.... for me it took the place of food and it now brought me joy.

So the loss of a relationship with a partner, the loss of friendships, the loss of my favorite foods. Even the loss of some of my comfort clothes. Getting rid of my favorite pants and tops.... the ones I wore because they hid most of the flaws.... The sagging skin is not fun either. The losing hair. The having to learn to THROW OUT FOOD.... that was bad.

[MandoGetsSleeved 433]

Love this topic - I'm going to be shallow here - I primarily had the surgery for for lifestyle changes vs. health/looks so fear that I would never:

1. Sit comfortably at a concert again.

2. Adventure travel (surfing, skiing, hiking, etc.)

3. Sit in coach class comfortably on a plane or train.

4. Not take full advantage of the weight loss.

5. Get complacent/lazy again (BIGGEST FEAR).

[swise99 4]

My biggest fear was that they would cancel surgery on me. I originally went through the process back in 2011, as they were wheeling me into the OR the anesthesiologist stopped me and canceled the surgery because my WBC was elevated. My fear was finally relived when a different anesthesiologist told me to start counting down. I was finally able to get “sleeved” 3 weeks ago (my WBC is still elevated” Side note* waking post-op helped immensely with the pain.

[STLoser 1,087]

Dying was number one. I don't want to leave my 9 year old son or husband.

Fear number two was that it wouldn't work. What if I paid all this money (I was self pay since our insurance doesn't cover it) and still couldn't lose weight? What if I put myself through this major surgery and still couldn't lose weight? I'm 3 months post op and it's working.

Fear number 3 was complications.





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[kellym1220 472]

I had two fears:

1) Not losing weight...I am, so yay!

2) Not being able to eat out and go out with my friends...even at 2 1/2 months, I have been able to go out and have an "almost normal" dinner. I took my sister out for a "Magical Dining" meal for her birthday, three courses at Ruth's Chris. I had a few bites of the lobster bisque, most of the lobster bits (no bread), about half of a 6 oz filet and two (absolutely delicious) bites of cheesecake. It was yummy and so worth it! I brought the leftovers home and my sin really enjoyed them! (He still won't eat in a restaurant!)

I didn't fear death or complications, and suffered from neither!

Good luck!

[WhatsGainedNotWhatsLost 5]

I just received my surgery date today (11/5!!!!!) and my fear right now is never being able to eat normal food again. I am a huge foodie and don't eat cheap junk food, but truly enjoy trying new things and cultural food etc. I am really worried that I will never be able to enjoy food, or the social rituals surrounding it, ever again.

My other fear is also body outcomes. My 'goal' is 210, but I do not ever remember weighing under 300 pounds, so I cannot imagine what that will even look like. I'm also trans, so I worry about my body being in a different shape causing increased dysphoria.

[blackcatsandbaddecisions 845]

Well I can officially knock insurance denial off the list- approved today! Surgery set for 11/10. I’m so excited, but yikes!

[Michele65 4]

Surgery itself and not contracting covid

[Avii 1]

This thread has helped a great deal, my surgery is next week and I've gone from excited to frightened. Everything I've seen here is my same fears its good not to be alone.

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