Surgery this month, wife threatening divorce

[NewEnglanderGal 35]

Hope your surgery went well!

[Onewithwings 3]

I lived with a spouse who never supported my weight loss...ever! Always said it was a waste of time. My heart goes out to you. I’m 4 days post and my current spouse supports me 100%. Do what’s best for your family. I had to wait 20 years for my WLS. I WISH YOU THE BEST!

[lesleymack2019 26]

Good luck you will do great

[JRT Mom 919]

On the surface, my husband wasn't thrilled with my decision. But I understand his motive--he's in bad health and I'm his caregiver, and I think he was afraid of losing me during the surgery. But it went fine, and he's more supportive, especially since he knows I should be around longer to take care of him now!

The bottom line is it's hard to fully tell why a partner might not be supportive. Sometimes you have to read between the lines...

[Kris77 1,508]

How did everything go?

[Xx1jpt5xx 93]

53 minutes ago, Kris77 said:

How did everything go?

Surgery went well. Came home this past friday. Haven't been feeling too great since then. Constant pain in my chest when I sip something. One incision on my right side hurts like hell. So I cant really bend.

I feel bad because I told her I would bounce back quickly when I got home.

[Sandra Nuelken 419]

1 hour ago, Xx1jpt5xx said:

Surgery went well. Came home this past friday. Haven't been feeling too great since then. Constant pain in my chest when I sip something. One incision on my right side hurts like hell. So I cant really bend.

I feel bad because I told her I would bounce back quickly when I got home.

Get up and walk walk walk, that is the gas that they put into you to lift everything so they could do surgery. You need to move to break it down. If you move a lot it will be gone tomorrow. Keep moving and you will feel better soon!

[ResaRoo 77]

Days 3&4 were the absolute worst for me in terms of pain, discomfort and ability to drink Water and just function in general. It will get so much better! I was back to work after 2 weeks, and the afternoons were a bit tiring at first, but everything is good now.

[ScoutCR 126]

Ok, put flavored powder in your Water. It changes the texture of the water and it goes down soo much better. I had Biliopancreatic bypass April 1918 and still find it hard to drink water without the powder. Also take the advice to walk walk walk, that gas is real painful and it will only work out of you with movement. I had a lot that pain and only walking helped. I wish you luck with the wife. Mine was very reluctant but never wanted a divorce. In the end she helped so very much and was supportive the last few weeks before surgery and after. I think your wife's comment about food after the surgery is valid but not a reason for divorce. My wife and I just split fish taco's today. She had one and I scrapped the fish out of another one and I ate that and some of the salsa. All good. I wish you the best and you will be ok. Just keep reminding your wife that you did the surgery for you and the family. It is not the easy way out that a lot of people think. You just made a major commitment to a life changing event and I wish you much success.

Edited March 1, 2020 by ScoutCR

[Ostflicka 37]

14 hours ago, Xx1jpt5xx said:

Surgery went well. Came home this past friday. Haven't been feeling too great since then. Constant pain in my chest when I sip something. One incision on my right side hurts like hell. So I cant really bend.

I feel bad because I told her I would bounce back quickly when I got home.

There was no bouncing back quickly, finally after a month I'm sort of feeling normal. That's why you need a supportive person around to help. Stay the course my friend, it's super normal for a few miserable days and a week actually. Be gentle with yourself and don't bend - it will just make it worse.

[momof3_angels 465]

On 3/1/2020 at 8:34 AM, Xx1jpt5xx said:

Surgery went well. Came home this past friday. Haven't been feeling too great since then. Constant pain in my chest when I sip something. One incision on my right side hurts like hell. So I cant really bend.

I feel bad because I told her I would bounce back quickly when I got home.

Yes, WALK WALK WALK! The first couple days I just walked in my house, but then I would go to the grocery store or other store... grab a cart for support, and slowly circle the store! And don't be afraid to take your pain medicine if it helps you to be able to move more. You don't want to be dependent on it for very long, but the first week or two it is fine! Then switch to a non-narcotic pain medication as recommended by your doctor. I also loved a heating pad.

[BayougirlMrsS 3,933]

@Xx1jpt5xx Just like a couple of others said.... get up and walk walk walk.... it's the best way to "bounce" back. SX on a Wednesday and i was back at work on Monday. I took one pain pill the day i went home.

You can't let her negativity creep into you... You have to put your big boy underwear on and show her. Now i'm not saying go and run a marathon or start powerlifting... but you have to keep moving. Take a walk to the mailbox, to the end of the driveway, to the front door... do not get sedentary...

Set your timer and drink your sips of water/fluid. Drink your Soup broth. I love wonton soup broth... sooooo good. Sip it. Nourishment equals healing...

[Jan N 3]

Finally! 6 months out! It definitely took me more than a minute to bounce back! My husband was worried but super supportive. He still asks how I'm feeling, if there is anything I need or that he can do for me. I have been a lucky woman... But, that being said, I struggled afterwards. Buyer's remorse for sure...pain, vomiting, meds didn't help. They kept me a couple days extra and had me back in more often than normal BUT...I did overcome. Now, I know it was the best decision ever! That little sleeve of a stomach holds me accountable. I made Cookies for my husband last night. I ate one but totally regretted it. My little stomach no longer likes sugar. Ok. I'll live alot longer without the sugar. Little stomach will still vomit if I eat too much. Ok. That's what I needed. I have lost over 70 lbs. Ok. That's what I wanted! So, I can now do a happy dance and no regrets what so ever! I will say a prayer for you that all goes well and your wife steps up. God Bless and stay the course. It truly does get better.

Jan~

[Ostflicka 37]

On 3/1/2020 at 7:34 AM, Xx1jpt5xx said:

Surgery went well. Came home this past friday. Haven't been feeling too great since then. Constant pain in my chest when I sip something. One incision on my right side hurts like hell. So I cant really bend.

I feel bad because I told her I would bounce back quickly when I got home.

How are you doing now?!

[JConforti 91]

I wish I had more Sage advice for you but all I can offer is to second what others have said and to point out;

Obesity is a disease that inevitably leads to many other diseases.

If you had a deceased heart, would you not have surgery to repair and cure?

If you, god forbid, cancer and surgery could remove and cure it, would you not move forward?

I think it is ridiculous irresponsible for someone to advocate against medical treatment for a disease.

I'm not sure of your co-morbidities but if she is a nurse, she must know the dangers of type II diabetes. Does she know the ADA now recognizes WLS as a treatment for diabetes? Also, take a look at this book

Type 2 Diabetes: New Doorways to Health: Surprising Breakthroughs from an Expert Surgeon

JC - my .02