Little vent: spousal comments

[CheerfulLoser 72]

I’m five days post-op. Literally, five days. Stitches, pain meds, learning to eat, all the hot mess. And my darling husband says, “You know, I’m not really attracted to thin women. I hope you don’t lose very much weight.”

WTH. I’ve been working toward this goal for 13 months, and he just mentions this now. Seems like all those times i asked if he had any questions, comments, or input that this should have come up. I asked him to come to the education classes and he said we could talk after, which we did. I am furious.

[catwoman7 10,922]

wow - that is awful! You're doing this for you, though....

[Fatboyslim1 204]

The next time he says that, tell him"well there are a lot of men who are". Idiot.

[Krimsonbutterflies 661]

I'm sorry that it seems your spouse wasn't being genuine in his support of your decision to take your health in a different direction. Is your new lease on life a deal breaker in regards to him supporting you further in the future? Is he going to sabotage your efforts? Does this bring up some underlying issues or insecurities that he may have? Does he think the only benefit of this is vanity?

My apologies that you are feeling the way that you are feeling and that this journey may not include him in the capacity that you originally discussed.

Edited December 25, 2019 by Krimsonbutterflies

[rs 1,473]

Oh goodness why in the world would he wait until now to say something. 🤨

[Krimsonbutterflies 661]

53 minutes ago, rs said:

Oh goodness why in the world would he wait until now to say something. 🤨

Perhaps he's in shock that she actually did it and is trying to shame or guilt his spouse. Which is really unfortunate and sad. Obviously physical attraction is a major factor in a relationship, but is it the only attraction when someone tells you this, even in a marriage? This just gives me cause for further caution moving forward in my journey, because change is inevitable in some of our various relationships. Everyone isn't going to be able to cope or find the same attraction or control what we attract.

[GreenTealael 24,905]

6 hours ago, CheerfulLoser said:

I’m five days post-op. Literally, five days. Stitches, pain meds, learning to eat, all the hot mess. And my darling husband says, “You know, I’m not really attracted to thin women. I hope you don’t lose very much weight.”

WTH. I’ve been working toward this goal for 13 months, and he just mentions this now. Seems like all those times i asked if he had any questions, comments, or input that this should have come up. I asked him to come to the education classes and he said we could talk after, which we did. I am furious.

Well I guess you're in the clear since he's your husband the only woman he's attracted to is you (in all your forms)...

Congratulations on your path to health (and further attractiveness if so desired ❤)

[Lynda486 783]

I am sorry that he is acting this way. I agree he may be insecure in some form, I hope you know you can come here for support anytime. I am available if you want to talk anytime! Hugs!

[JessLess 1,163]

This is transference. He's afraid YOU will no longer be attracted to him when you get thinner and more conventionally attractive. Pat him on the head and tell him to STFU.

[rs 1,473]

3 hours ago, JessLess said:

Pat him on the head and tell him to STFU.

😁

[always 59]

Agreed he is probably scared you will change and not be attracted to him. Your still the same person just changing the wrapping paper. You did this for you to be heathly, stay to the plan that you have worked so hard to get to. Just as your adjusting and learning in your new life style, he needs to adjust too. Good luck and Merry Christmas

[New&Improved 1,780]

Um tell him I'm not attracted to stupidity!!!!

[New&Improved 1,780]

But everyone is right this surgery has to be for YOU AND ONLY YOU if you want to be successful... If he's not happy plenty more fish in the sea...

[Tamarita 30]

I'm sorry he said that to you. He may be feeling a little insecure now that you've actually gone through with the procedure.