Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Little vent: spousal comments



Recommended Posts

I’m five days post-op. Literally, five days. Stitches, pain meds, learning to eat, all the hot mess. And my darling husband says, “You know, I’m not really attracted to thin women. I hope you don’t lose very much weight.”

WTH. I’ve been working toward this goal for 13 months, and he just mentions this now. Seems like all those times i asked if he had any questions, comments, or input that this should have come up. I asked him to come to the education classes and he said we could talk after, which we did. I am furious.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

wow - that is awful! You're doing this for you, though....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The next time he says that, tell him"well there are a lot of men who are". Idiot.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm sorry that it seems your spouse wasn't being genuine in his support of your decision to take your health in a different direction. Is your new lease on life a deal breaker in regards to him supporting you further in the future? Is he going to sabotage your efforts? Does this bring up some underlying issues or insecurities that he may have? Does he think the only benefit of this is vanity?

My apologies that you are feeling the way that you are feeling and that this journey may not include him in the capacity that you originally discussed.

Edited by Krimsonbutterflies

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

53 minutes ago, rs said:

Oh goodness why in the world would he wait until now to say something. 🤨

Perhaps he's in shock that she actually did it and is trying to shame or guilt his spouse. Which is really unfortunate and sad. Obviously physical attraction is a major factor in a relationship, but is it the only attraction when someone tells you this, even in a marriage? This just gives me cause for further caution moving forward in my journey, because change is inevitable in some of our various relationships. Everyone isn't going to be able to cope or find the same attraction or control what we attract.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

6 hours ago, CheerfulLoser said:

I’m five days post-op. Literally, five days. Stitches, pain meds, learning to eat, all the hot mess. And my darling husband says, “You know, I’m not really attracted to thin women. I hope you don’t lose very much weight.”

WTH. I’ve been working toward this goal for 13 months, and he just mentions this now. Seems like all those times i asked if he had any questions, comments, or input that this should have come up. I asked him to come to the education classes and he said we could talk after, which we did. I am furious.

Well I guess you're in the clear since he's your husband the only woman he's attracted to is you (in all your forms)...

Congratulations on your path to health (and further attractiveness if so desired ❤)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am sorry that he is acting this way. I agree he may be insecure in some form, I hope you know you can come here for support anytime. I am available if you want to talk anytime! Hugs!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This is transference. He's afraid YOU will no longer be attracted to him when you get thinner and more conventionally attractive. Pat him on the head and tell him to STFU.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, JessLess said:

Pat him on the head and tell him to STFU.

😁

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Agreed he is probably scared you will change and not be attracted to him. Your still the same person just changing the wrapping paper. You did this for you to be heathly, stay to the plan that you have worked so hard to get to. Just as your adjusting and learning in your new life style, he needs to adjust too. Good luck and Merry Christmas

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Um tell him I'm not attracted to stupidity!!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

But everyone is right this surgery has to be for YOU AND ONLY YOU if you want to be successful... If he's not happy plenty more fish in the sea...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Recent Topics

  • Most popular:

  • Recent Status Updates

    • ms.sss

      I think i just spent the entire morning plus a couple more hours on here.
      My name is ms.sss and I am a BP forums-aholic.
      · 1 reply
      1. MarvelGirl25

        Lol I know the feeling!

    • SabrinaGoddess

      My life is WONDERFUL
      JUST PLAIN WONDERFUL
      I am 10 weeks post op today. I have lost 43 pounds!
      I walk 3-5 miles daily and I have picked up Hoola Hooping! I am on a dang roll and I love it.
      SO HAPPY I GOT THE SLEEVE!
      Sorry I have been absent on here but I really have made it a point to take care of ME. My exercise time is precious so I have to get it in before working or anything else.
      I wish there was MORE than WORDS to express to you just how wonderful I feel!
      I even created a new blog post today! https://sabrinagoddess.com/create-a-life-that-you-love

      · 2 replies
      1. Michaeljex

        http://herbalgeek.com/products/weight_loss/hoodia

      2. Michaeljex

        http://herbalgeek.com/products/weight_loss/hoodia

    • BayougirlMrsS

      WOW..... 50,005 people have viewed my profile..... Hope i was able to inspire at least one....
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Vicki Lindsey

      Ok I had surgery on Jan 27 2020 so I am 3 weeks out and have lost 32 lbs  I wish I had this done sooner. Now just trying to figure out different things to eat so I am not eating the same thing over and over. I did order some stuff today from the Bariatric Store and that stuff should be here in time for my next phase. I have a goal of 50 lbs by the first of June hope that is attainable. Good luck to every one on this journey 
      · 2 replies
      1. MAUREEN2U

        That wonderful. That's a lot of weight for such a short time.Hooray.

      2. lisafrommassachusetts

        Quote

        Congratulations on 32 pounds! That is great! Are you still on restricted foods? What are you eating now?

    • GinaFigz

      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Trending Topics

  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs
    ×