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Little vent: spousal comments

CheerfulLoser

By CheerfulLoser, in Rants & Raves

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CheerfulLoser    72

CheerfulLoser
Posted

I’m five days post-op. Literally, five days. Stitches, pain meds, learning to eat, all the hot mess. And my darling husband says, “You know, I’m not really attracted to thin women. I hope you don’t lose very much weight.”

WTH. I’ve been working toward this goal for 13 months, and he just mentions this now. Seems like all those times i asked if he had any questions, comments, or input that this should have come up. I asked him to come to the education classes and he said we could talk after, which we did. I am furious.

Krimsonbutterflies, DaisyChainOz, KarenLR75 and 3 others reacted to this

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catwoman7    11,278

catwoman7
Posted

wow - that is awful! You're doing this for you, though....

rs reacted to this

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Fatboyslim1    204

Fatboyslim1
Posted

The next time he says that, tell him"well there are a lot of men who are". Idiot.

ChrisXStitcher, rs, catchthewind and 6 others reacted to this

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Krimsonbutterflies    661

Krimsonbutterflies
Posted (edited)

I'm sorry that it seems your spouse wasn't being genuine in his support of your decision to take your health in a different direction. Is your new lease on life a deal breaker in regards to him supporting you further in the future? Is he going to sabotage your efforts? Does this bring up some underlying issues or insecurities that he may have? Does he think the only benefit of this is vanity?

My apologies that you are feeling the way that you are feeling and that this journey may not include him in the capacity that you originally discussed.

Edited by Krimsonbutterflies
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Krimsonbutterflies    661

Krimsonbutterflies
Posted

53 minutes ago, rs said:

Oh goodness why in the world would he wait until now to say something. 🤨

Perhaps he's in shock that she actually did it and is trying to shame or guilt his spouse. Which is really unfortunate and sad. Obviously physical attraction is a major factor in a relationship, but is it the only attraction when someone tells you this, even in a marriage? This just gives me cause for further caution moving forward in my journey, because change is inevitable in some of our various relationships. Everyone isn't going to be able to cope or find the same attraction or control what we attract.

rs reacted to this

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GreenTealael    25,585

GreenTealael
Posted

6 hours ago, CheerfulLoser said:

I’m five days post-op. Literally, five days. Stitches, pain meds, learning to eat, all the hot mess. And my darling husband says, “You know, I’m not really attracted to thin women. I hope you don’t lose very much weight.”

WTH. I’ve been working toward this goal for 13 months, and he just mentions this now. Seems like all those times i asked if he had any questions, comments, or input that this should have come up. I asked him to come to the education classes and he said we could talk after, which we did. I am furious.

Well I guess you're in the clear since he's your husband the only woman he's attracted to is you (in all your forms)...

Congratulations on your path to health (and further attractiveness if so desired ❤)

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Lynda486    788

Lynda486
Posted

I am sorry that he is acting this way. I agree he may be insecure in some form, I hope you know you can come here for support anytime. I am available if you want to talk anytime! Hugs!

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JessLess    1,163

JessLess
Posted

This is transference. He's afraid YOU will no longer be attracted to him when you get thinner and more conventionally attractive. Pat him on the head and tell him to STFU.

MusicalKate13, sillykitty, Lynda486 and 8 others reacted to this

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rs    1,473

rs
Posted

3 hours ago, JessLess said:

Pat him on the head and tell him to STFU.

😁

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always    59

always
Posted

Agreed he is probably scared you will change and not be attracted to him. Your still the same person just changing the wrapping paper. You did this for you to be heathly, stay to the plan that you have worked so hard to get to. Just as your adjusting and learning in your new life style, he needs to adjust too. Good luck and Merry Christmas

darcyjae, Krimsonbutterflies and JessLess reacted to this

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New&Improved    1,780

New&Improved
Posted

Um tell him I'm not attracted to stupidity!!!!

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New&Improved    1,780

New&Improved
Posted

But everyone is right this surgery has to be for YOU AND ONLY YOU if you want to be successful... If he's not happy plenty more fish in the sea...

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Tamarita    30

Tamarita
Posted

I'm sorry he said that to you. He may be feeling a little insecure now that you've actually gone through with the procedure.

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Go To Topic Listing Rants & Raves

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    • Alisa_S

      Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

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    • Alisa_S

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      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

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        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

    • CaseyP1011

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