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[ms.sss 15,816]

5'2", 115.2 lbs, ♀️ 9m post-op, maintaining

Today's Menu - Wednesday August 7th:
Note: times listed are when I FINISHED eating

Those lactose-free, low-cal frozen Desserts (i.e., fake ice cream) were on sale today so I bought two flavours of 'em. Was looking forward to having some as an after-dinner treat, but for some reason my dinner seemed to just sit in my stomach/chest for hours tonite, so there was no room for frozen treats in there. Further, the dinner I prepared to eat was like 5 times the calorie amount listed below, just couldn't do it, sooooo the rest of that will have to wait till tomorrow, along with the fake ice cream. This makes 2 days in a row now of 500-ish calories. Got some calorie catch-up to do...

9:30 am: 1 medium McDonald's black coffee -- 4 cals
2:00 pm: ** ate about 1/2 ** salad + 30g cucumber + 25g feta cheese + 1fl oz pumpkin seeds + 85g sun-dried Tomato & basil tuna -- 293 cals
3:30 pm: ** ate the rest of the 2pm meal **
5:00 pm: .5 cup 4% cottage cheese + 28g blueberries +.25 tsp black pepper -- 137 cals
7:30 pm: .5 cup Tamarind Soup broth + 15g shredded pork + 30g pork loin + 15g chicken dark meat + 10g brocolli + 30g Shirataki noodles -- 100 cals

Totals: 538 cals, 57g Protein, 19g NET carbs, 24 fat

Exercise:

• 1.5km run + 1.5km walk outdoors (20 mins)
• Strength training - Arms (15 mins)
• Hot Yoga (1 hour)

[ms.sss 15,816]

On 8/7/2019 at 9:18 AM, FluffyChix said:

So any secrets to squelch eating late? And quitting snacking at night?

I've been Pavlov-ed into not eating too late...if I do, I'll wake up in middle of night with acid in my mouth.

...but maybe try making a deal with yourself that you have to drink a glass of Water first before your snack. If you still want it after the water, then fine. Most likely you won't....

[FluffyChix 17,418]

41 minutes ago, ms.sss said:

I've been Pavlov-ed into not eating too late...if I do, I'll wake up in middle of night with acid in my mouth.

...but maybe try making a deal with yourself that you have to drink a glass of Water first before your snack. If you still want it after the Water, then fine. Most likely you won't....

Yeah. I already do that--water part. It's only been a problem really since post surgery this time. Was just wondering if you had any top secret trick. LOL. Sorry about your reflux if you eat too late. But dang! That will keep you honest!!

[FluffyChix 17,418]

5"4" 👵 17m PO (WLM) 135.2lbs (pre-poopy)

Wednesday August 7 Menu:

B-decaff black

L 3pm - 1 hb egg + herbox bouillon broth

AS 4:30pm - huge green smoothie with psyllium

D 7pm - turkey salad HUGE

BS 9pm - 1 hb egg

[ms.sss 15,816]

5'2", ♀️ 9m PO, maintaining

Thursday August 8th - 114.8 lbs
Felt like I was eating non-stop all day, yet still did not get enough calories to show for it..its been a frustrating past few days. On the bright side, I did finally get to eat some of that fake ice cream...yum. Mr suggested I ditch the diet ice cream and eat the real stuff...hmmmmm

9:00 am: 1 cup chicken broth -- 8 cals
12:00 pm: salad + 29g feta cheese + ½ fl oz pumpkin seeds + 100g grilled chicken (dark meat) -- 349 cals
3:30 pm: Starbucks grande blonde americano -- 15 cals
4:30 pm: 105g 4% cottage cheese + ½ fl oz pumpkin seeds + 26g blueberries + ¼ tsp pepper -- 160 cals
5:30 pm: salad + 15g feta cheese + 24g stewed pork loin + 28g grilled chicken (dark meat) -- 142 cals
6:30 pm: 125ml CoolWay fudge chocolate chip frozen dessert-- 80 cals
7:30 pm: ¼ cup Tamarind Soup + 18g steamed broccoli + 18g pork loin -- 29 cals

Totals: 783 cals, 80g Protein, 30g NET carbs, 37g fat

Exercise:

• 2km run then 1km walk outdoors (20 min)
• Strength training - Arms (15 mins)
• Strength training - Butt & Gut (10 mins)

Edited August 9, 2019 by ms.sss

[FluffyChix 17,418]

13 hours ago, ms.sss said:

5'2", ♀️ 9m PO, maintaining

Thursday August 8th - 114.8 lbs
Felt like I was eating non-stop all day, yet still did not get enough calories to show for it..its been a frustrating past few days. On the bright side, I did finally get to eat some of that fake ice cream...yum. Mr suggested I ditch the diet ice cream and eat the real stuff...hmmmmm

9:00 am: 1 cup chicken broth -- 8 cals
12:00 pm: salad + 29g feta cheese + ½ fl oz pumpkin seeds + 100g grilled chicken (dark meat) -- 349 cals
3:30 pm: Starbucks grande blonde americano -- 15 cals
4:30 pm: 105g 4% cottage cheese + ½ fl oz pumpkin seeds + 26g blueberries + ¼ tsp pepper -- 160 cals
5:30 pm: salad + 15g feta cheese + 24g stewed pork loin + 28g grilled chicken (dark meat) -- 142 cals
6:30 pm: 125ml CoolWay fudge chocolate chip frozen dessert-- 80 cals
7:30 pm: ¼ cup Tamarind Soup + 18g steamed broccoli + 18g pork loin -- 29 cals

Totals: 783 cals, 80g Protein, 30g NET carbs, 37g fat

Exercise:

• 2km run then 1km walk outdoors (20 min)
• Strength training - Arms (15 mins)
• Strength training - Butt & Gut (10 mins)

How is your weight with you being under on your cals? It looks like it's pretty stable from here? WTG on getting such great Protein in and keeping carbs low!!! You rock!!!

[FluffyChix 17,418]

Like @ms.sss I felt like I ate all day yesterday--cuz um, I did!!! It was a planned UP day for me, so wasn't too concerned about it and gave myself permission to eat when hungry--whether it was legit hunger or head munchies/stress hunger. But the only rule is that it had to be legit food--no crap.

And predictably, yesterday was a hungry hungry hippo day (AGAIN! LOL. And I found all your (ms.sss') extra cals!!) ((hugs)) Today will be a DD for me until at least dinner. Trying to defer TRE for 16-18hours IF. So far I woke up not hungry. Yay! And I'm gonna ride that wave til it breaks! Ha *snort!*

5"4" 👵 17m PO (WLM) 136.4lbs (pre-poopy)=I knew it would be up (wt) cuz um, hello, 2 glasses of wine were involved in the concert and extra bedtime eating...that stops today. But to be fair, not really worried cuz I have at least 2lbs of high Fiber poop that is due for delivery today.

Thursday August 8 Menu:

B1-6am-Mocha Protein Latte (8oz Decaf + 4oz PP) (58cals; 11g p; 1g nc)

B2-11am-Egg white puff (85g ew + 28g crimini + 29g power greens + 14g turkey saus crumbles + 1/2 slice 2% DD American cheese + 1tsp Gringo Bandito Hot Sauce (111cals; 15g p; 2g nc)

L-2pm-1 hb egg + turkey rollup (30g BH lacy swiss + 45g BH peppermill turkey + 8g arugula + dijon) + 60g cucumber slices + 2oz baby carrots + UACV) (ate this over 1 1/2 hours) (247cals; 27g p; 7g nc)

AS-5:30pm-1 turkey rollup (30g BH lacy swiss + 19g BH peppermill turkey + Lowensenf mustard) + 28g baby carrots + 16g raw pecan halves + iced cinnamon apple tea with 9g psyllium husks (270 cals; 15g p; 2g nc)

D-8:00pm-grilled chicken salad with ranch (28g iceberg + carrot shreds + cucumbers + purple onion + 2 bites gchix + cheese shreds + 1tbsp ranch dressing) + 2 glassed cabernet sauvignon (352cals--thank you wine; 2g p; 13g nc)

BS-10pm-19g BH peppermill turkey + 1 lite mozzarella string cheese + 1 hb egg + 28g baby carrots (152cals; 17g p; 4g nc)

(I may have a baby carrot "issue"...)

Edited August 9, 2019 by FluffyChix

[ms.sss 15,816]

9 minutes ago, FluffyChix said:

How is your weight with you being under on your cals? It looks like it's pretty stable from here? WTG on getting such great Protein in and keeping carbs low!!! You rock!!!

Day to day lately the scale moves +/- 0-1.5 lbs, though my calculated 14-day moving average indicates I'm on a slight downward slope. This morning I clocked in at 115 even, but then, I haven't pooped in a 4 days I'm going to have to MOM it soon if nothing shows up by tonite...(and need to restock on the chia seeds...)

[FluffyChix 17,418]

Just now, ms.sss said:

Day to day lately the scale moves +/- 0-1.5 lbs, though my calculated 14-day moving average indicates I'm on a slight downward slope. This morning I clocked in at 115 even, but then, I haven't pooped in a 4 days I'm going to have to MOM it soon if nothing shows up by tonite...(and need to restock on the chia seeds...)

Ok, well, that slight slope down is way easier to arrest than the more aggressive losses you were experiencing!!! So I think your fluctuations are working right? Don't you feel good about your success? You are winning maintenance and working out!!!

And on no bathroom joy in 4 days. I have a much lower tolerance for potty shenanigans. If the trains aren't running on schedule, they have 48hours to correct themselves before I call MOM. And ha! I woke up thinking that maybe I need to have some chia in yogurt to break my fast and "bust a move." LOL!!! I am also doing psyllium husks again each day and Mag Citrate Vitamins along with a colace. But so far I haven't involved Miralax. So you and I may be throne divas today!

[ms.sss 15,816]

1 hour ago, FluffyChix said:

were you satisfied with the amount of food you got in this day, or were you still hungry-hungry-hippo?

[ms.sss 15,816]

1 hour ago, FluffyChix said:

Don't you feel good about your success?

Yeah, I feel pretty effing awesome. 😎...still have some bumps to Iron out, but all in all, awesome.

1 hour ago, FluffyChix said:

So you and I may be throne divas today!

Man, I hope so!

Edited August 9, 2019 by ms.sss

[FluffyChix 17,418]

4 minutes ago, ms.sss said:

were you satisfied with the amount of food you got in this day, or were you still hungry-hungry-hippo?

Yes, I was super duper happy until I stepped on the scale. I just feel "guilt" eating that many times and that many calories cuz I know that at minimum, those are "maintenance level" cals for me or a slight upward slope on the scale.

[sillykitty 10,787]

@FluffyChix & @ms.sss

I am fascinated by this thread. I have questions and hope neither of you are offended.

@ms.sss

More sincere questions! Do you truly want to stop losing, or are you liking how you are looking and feeling and think you might want to go lower? I'm asking because you're still eating like you are in weight loss mode (shirataki noodles, salads w super low cal dressing etc.). The days you are eating close to "normally", you are still likely under your BMR, but seem to feel like you need to correct afterwards. It just seems like there is a disconnect between what you say you want, and your actions.

@FluffyChix

You've discussed a lot about your goals, 1, 2, 3 and BDG (Barbie Dream Goal 😂). You are solidly at a healthy BMI. What is it that is driving you to work so very hard to get even lower? A lot of days you are at an extreme calories deficiency, which is hard to sustain long term, right? Are you concerned if you get there, what it will be like to maintain it? And if you can't sustain it (which would be expected, right, the bounce?), if that would make you feel worse? You sincerely look very thin and amazing. But I know from your comments you still feel heavier than you truly are (OOTD & Meh the scale threads). Do think maybe you'll never been thin enough because you're looking at yourself in a dysmorphic fun house mirror?

Question for both of you: Do you worry about lowering your BMR long term? For me personally this study scared the crap out of me https://www.nytimes.com/2016/05/02/health/biggest-loser-weight-loss.html

Hope you both don't hate me now! 😀

[FluffyChix 17,418]

59 minutes ago, sillykitty said:

@FluffyChix & @ms.sss

I am fascinated by this thread. I have questions and hope neither of you are offended.

@ms.sss

More sincere questions! Do you truly want to stop losing, or are you liking how you are looking and feeling and think you might want to go lower? I'm asking because you're still eating like you are in weight loss mode (shirataki noodles, salads w super low cal dressing etc.). The days you are eating close to "normally", you are still likely under your BMR, but seem to feel like you need to correct afterwards. It just seems like there is a disconnect between what you say you want, and your actions.

@FluffyChix

You've discussed a lot about your goals, 1, 2, 3 and BDG (Barbie Dream Goal 😂). You are solidly at a healthy BMI. What is it that is driving you to work so very hard to get even lower? A lot of days you are at an extreme calories deficiency, which is hard to sustain long term, right? Are you concerned if you get there, what it will be like to maintain it? And if you can't sustain it (which would be expected, right, the bounce?), if that would make you feel worse? You sincerely look very thin and amazing. But I know from your comments you still feel heavier than you truly are (OOTD & Meh the scale threads). Do think maybe you'll never been thin enough because you're looking at yourself in a dysmorphic fun house mirror?

Question for both of you: Do you worry about lowering your BMR long term? For me personally this study scared the crap out of me https://www.nytimes.com/2016/05/02/health/biggest-loser-weight-loss.html

Hope you both don't hate me now! 😀

I think these are really valid and helpful observations and questions. I know they help me really think and own my spit. You know? I never want to rationalize my own "poor" behavior or stinking thinking by convincing myself that my viewpoint is the only right one.

I also am hopeful that this might benefit someone else who might not want to post their stuff here--be able to work through some things and gain insight into their eating behaviors that both keep them thin/losing or are contributing to gain. Right?

So there is no doubt that I am goal driven. I've never in my life reached my target weight goal--even as a young kid dieting (dieting since 9). 😕 And it became very important to me as I went "all in" with this surgery, that I achieve my goal weight--even if it's only for a day--or an hour. It's just a milestone that psychologically I feel like I need. And knowing what my sis (who is 2 inches taller than me) looked like with a similar build to me -- at 120lbs, she did not look anorexic. Knowing that at 23BMI today on the scale and that in real life, I still have very jiggly fat filled aspirin bottle and thighs, makes me feel like I do still have extra fat available that I can at least achieve that burning drive to 130lbs. At the very least. *I'd have to review the BDG once I get to 130lbs. Cuz it really may not be realistic for me to even hit it.

There is NOOOOOO doubt I have body dysmorphia. No doubt. I work on it daily. And the struggle is real. I def don't see myself as super thin. Just normal for a 56 year old woman. Flabby flat as* and all. TY for telling me how awesome I look! Sometimes I can actually feel it - nowadays. Yesterday (no pic) I felt great in my outfit until I looked in the mirror in my white shorts. And felt I look huge in my thighs and ass--so didn't bother snapping the pic. I still wore the outfit and got so many complements including a, "You are so skinny" comment that I was a little "proud" of. I've never been a member of the you-are-so-skinny-"normal"-girl-barbie-tribe. You know? And I'm not gonna lie. It's a seductive group. Great T & A and tiny waists among all of those bi*ches! hehe.

I do think I will be thin enough. That's why I think 130lbs will be end of the line for me. Cuz when I was sick just before surgery, I was 131lbs and I felt "right". Even though I was craptastically ill at the time. But yeah, that BD funhouse mirror plays wicked mind games. So the only way to tell is once I get there. I know I have no interest in going deep dive to the low 120s and maybe not even anything under the 130lbs.

I keep cals that low and deeply nutrient rich cuz I flat out maintain or even gain weight in the >850 range. And that terrifies me! I'm not like @ms.sss who is having issues deterring weight loss at these levels. I WISH! Right? Cuz if you look at my graph, I'm maintaining. And I'm super terrified I've forked my metabolism. I also know I take a hormone blocker for cancer remission that puts me in supre menopause. So I am trying to restore my body fat hormones while having one hand tied behind my back via the blocking of all female hormone production. Which really sucks cuz the regulation of those hormones really drive a lot of the insulin and hunger hormones response to fat loss. Also being hypothyroid also contributes to the lowered metabolic rate.

Sorry for the book. I didn't want to just blow off your question, but rather offer some glimmer of where my thought process and logic is taking me.

My hope is that once I hit my 130 Goal #3 weight, then I can officially say, "I'm goal baybeeee!" And then I will be able to maintain at 1000-1400 cals with a day or 2 of fasting thrown in per week like Dr. Fung discusses. Cuz that would be sweet! But my body is resisting going lower right now. And it does not reward me with a scale drop when I up cals and give a treat day--rather it rewards me with the predicted weight gain.

Also, I'm not going quietly into that good night. I will fight that fuc*ing bounce like a demon. I am not gonna accept that it has to happen. And if I start looking like I'm eating crap I really want you guys to call me on it and hold my toes to the fire! Cuz I will need y'all more than ever if/when backsliding enters the equation. Right?

Ok, so yeah. There you have it. My full 10lbs of crazy shoved into the 5lb can! Certifiable? Yes or no?

Here's my weight graph of the past year. The last big jump is from surgery and IVs. But you can see, I'm having trouble maintaining right now post surgery and struggling with huge hunger. I attribute it to IV antibiotics and disruption of gut biome/gut hormone disruption and insulin surges as a result. There is a study just out about this. I think @catwoman7 may have posted this on another board? Can't remember...

Edited August 9, 2019 by FluffyChix

[sillykitty 10,787]

Thanks for replying and not hating me @FluffyChix 😁

"I never want to rationalize my own "poor" behavior or stinking thinking by convincing myself that my viewpoint is the only right one."

I'm the same way. One of the reasons I stay on this board is to reinforce that I have been extremely fortunate, and not to count on that to always be the case.

"I've never in my life reached my target weight goal--even as a young kid dieting (dieting since 9). 😕 And it became very important to me as I went "all in" with this surgery, that I achieve my goal weight--even if it's only for a day--or an hour. It's just a milestone that psychologically I feel like I need."

I get this. It's nice to know what the motivation is behind this incredible drive you have!

" at 120lbs, she did not look anorexic"

I agree, I don't think you are anywhere near anorexic looking, you just look hin, in a good way

" I still have very jiggly fat filled aspirin bottle and thighs, makes me feel like I do still have extra fat available"

No doubt you have extra fat available, you're supposed to A fit level of body fat for women is 21%-24%. That's not zero, that fat has to sit somewhere (of course we'd all like it to be exclusively in the T&A areas, but, you know!)

" Yesterday (no pic) I felt great in my outfit until I looked in the mirror in my white shorts. And felt I look huge in my thighs and ass--so didn't bother snapping the pic."

This is probably a combo of dysmorpia and not wearing fitted enough clothes. I think it is a vicious circle that you don't feel thin, so you buy too big clothes, and then you don't look as thin as you truly are, so then you buy too big clothes, and so on. Get some high waisted compression leggings, and a fitted V neck top, and hopefully you will see what we all see, "T & A and tiny waists"

https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B0798PXHB9/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_X5CtDbZJQKHDE

https://www.target.com/p/women-s-fitted-short-sleeve-v-neck-t-shirt---a-new-day--153--black-m/-/A-52425607

""You are so skinny" comment that I was a little "proud" of. I've never been a member of the you-are-so-skinny-"normal"-girl-barbie-tribe."

Same here, even when I was a skinny girl in my 20's, I never felt like one. Two nights ago someone said to me "how does a 120 lbs girl drink 8 beers!?" Yeah, it felt pretty awesome being viewed as a thin women, so I get it! The difference is I think, I have internalized it, and I now feel like that thin women most of the time, while you still need to get there.

" keep cals that low and deeply nutrient rich cuz I flat out maintain or even gain weight in the >850 range. And that terrifies me!"

I know, that terrifies me for you! I think you do have a *special* metabolism, with all the medical stuff you have been through. But that is at the heart of my questions for you. You have to be much lower than average to lose, and yet you are so much more determined than most to get there.

" I will fight that fuc*ing bounce like a demon. "

I think this illustrates a big difference between you and I. That fight sounds exhausting (well so does your goal 2 & 3 fight honestly 😂) It would seriously be detrimental to my quality of life. After I have plastics, I am fine with a bounce. I preferred every part of my body, with the exception of my stomach, when I was + 30 lbs.

I soo appreciate that you do own your sh*t! I think that is one of the things we have in common, we are both outliers, and we recognize it! 😆