Funny NSV and Kinda Sad NSV

[KT1981 294]

In the last couple weeks I've had two NSV's- one was pretty amusing and the other kinda made/makes me sad.

The amusing one was when a male friend of my husband and I came by unexpectedly. He didn't know I'd had surgery and hasn't seen me in about a year. (I'm about 8.5 months out of surgery and down 107 pounds, only 18 pounds from my goal weight.) He was shocked and thrilled at my progress. He was over for a couple of hours and probably hugged me 7 times and commented positively on my appearance just as many times, even using the phrase "you're so hot". (He's a bit brash, but this did not come from a disrespectful place, and neither my husband nor I took it that way. Obviously, I secretly loved it... who doesn't wanna be hot?!) ) Because he's a good friend of ours, my husband didn't seem bothered by any of this. But that's not the NSV... the NSV came later that evening when my husband asked about my wedding set. I've been ring-less for a few weeks because they are so large that they literally fall off my hand and aren't safe to wear anymore. After all of the attention from our friend, my husband was suddenly very concerned about my walking around "looking single". The real NSV was seeing him concerned about whether or not someone might try to snap me up. Not gonna lie- I've been riding that high for a while now!

The one making me kinda sad was an NSV I had never even thought of before. I was obese for over 15 years, and many people in my life today (including my husband) have never known me any other way. In the last couple of weeks I've taken a few group pictures for a variety of reasons, and each time someone has asked "what's your side"? (This is a reference to my "good side", which is a thing among women where they prefer to be photographed from a particular side that they deem to be their best look.) I've heard other women reference it or rearrange themselves in photos to catch "their side", and it occurred to me that nobody has ever asked me that in the last 15+ years. Not one single time. Now it seems to be a regular question, and it makes me a little sad... was I, like, a lost cause before? I wasn't attractive enough to have a "side"? Like, it didn't matter how you photographed me, it was going to be equally unattractive from any angle? Ultimately, it doesn't matter because I look different now and this is my new normal, but it brought to light that unconscious bias that people have about obese people... we are inherently unattractive... even if we're not. I'm not quasimodo... I'm an average looking woman, and have always been so- even when I was obese. But apparently I wasn't seen that way, and something about that makes me bummed when I think about it.

[NancyLF 234]

Just say, “Any side! I look good all over!”
Just OWN IT!! LOL

[Frustr8 7,886]

My little trick was to stand next to someone else also weight- blessed, that way we didn't make such a crashing contrast. Now, with 120+ pounds gone, I may get brave enough to not be in a group shot but stand proudly all by myself! Hello Hello New Wonderful Life, I hope you and I may become Good Friends!

[Deedee12 1,859]

In the last couple weeks I've had two NSV's- one was pretty amusing and the other kinda made/makes me sad.
The amusing one was when a male friend of my husband and I came by unexpectedly. He didn't know I'd had surgery and hasn't seen me in about a year. (I'm about 8.5 months out of surgery and down 107 pounds, only 18 pounds from my goal weight.) He was shocked and thrilled at my progress. He was over for a couple of hours and probably hugged me 7 times and commented positively on my appearance just as many times, even using the phrase "you're so hot". (He's a bit brash, but this did not come from a disrespectful place, and neither my husband nor I took it that way. Obviously, I secretly loved it... who doesn't wanna be hot?!) ) Because he's a good friend of ours, my husband didn't seem bothered by any of this. But that's not the NSV... the NSV came later that evening when my husband asked about my wedding set. I've been ring-less for a few weeks because they are so large that they literally fall off my hand and aren't safe to wear anymore. After all of the attention from our friend, my husband was suddenly very concerned about my walking around "looking single". The real NSV was seeing him concerned about whether or not someone might try to snap me up. Not gonna lie- I've been riding that high for a while now! [emoji4]
The one making me kinda sad was an NSV I had never even thought of before. I was obese for over 15 years, and many people in my life today (including my husband) have never known me any other way. In the last couple of weeks I've taken a few group pictures for a variety of reasons, and each time someone has asked "what's your side"? (This is a reference to my "good side", which is a thing among women where they prefer to be photographed from a particular side that they deem to be their best look.) I've heard other women reference it or rearrange themselves in photos to catch "their side", and it occurred to me that nobody has ever asked me that in the last 15+ years. Not one single time. Now it seems to be a regular question, and it makes me a little sad... was I, like, a lost cause before? I wasn't attractive enough to have a "side"? Like, it didn't matter how you photographed me, it was going to be equally unattractive from any angle? Ultimately, it doesn't matter because I look different now and this is my new normal, but it brought to light that unconscious bias that people have about obese people... we are inherently unattractive... even if we're not. I'm not quasimodo... I'm an average looking woman, and have always been so- even when I was obese. But apparently I wasn't seen that way, and something about that makes me bummed when I think about it.

The unconscious bias is very present and sad!! We live in a very weight conscious (not looks conscious as anyone can be beautiful at any size!) society and nothing any advertising companies are doing has convinced me otherwise! The bias is so deep and severe one occasionally have to catch their breath when faced with it.

Congratulations on your success!! So happy for your NSV! It's heartwarming. You hubs better get those rings resized ASAP!!! [emoji1][emoji1]

Sent from my SM-N960U using BariatricPal mobile app

[Frustr8 7,886]

Or like Duck Dynasty, have your ring finger tattooed with a band, that wouldn't have to be resized! LOL.😝

[d711 3]

18 years ago, a dear friend, was having wls in Nashville. as they were about to wheel her into the pre op room, a nurse told her," you are going to be beautiful". Her doctor, standing beside her, quickly replied to the nurse. "She's already beautiful". He'll never know how much those words meant to her in that moment.