Angry 1 year post op

[Jonsie27 101]

I'm 1 year 2 months post op and have lost 115lbs which is awesome. I have more energy and can do more things with my daughter, I'm in clothing sizes I have never worn! I should be the happiest I've ever been, but I have a mindset I feel is holding me back. This may seem ungrateful, but I'm ANGRY I'm treated differently now that I've lost weight. It's like I was invisible (or worse- gross) when I weighed 286 but now people notice me just because of what I look like and it PISSES ME OFF.I was all the things that make me ME before I lost weight and now it's like a revelation that I'm worthwhile somehow. All of this positive feedback would have been awesome when my self-esteem was in the toilet from being depressed and overweight.

-My husband wants to tell me I look cute and wants to have more sex - and my 1st thought is why didn't you do this before?

-People who wouldn't give me the time of day at work tell me my ideas are great - and I think, they were good before, why didn't you speak up then?

-My family tells me nice things about myself and my clothes - I cant stop thinking about how I could have used this support BEFORE.

Has this happened to anyone else? What do I do to move past this? Should I see a therapist? I don't want to be ungrateful...

[TracyS 62]

I am just beginning my journey but down a total of 100 lbs from last year and 52 lbs of that has been since April after receiving the surgey. I am frustrated as i have always been discriminated against. I have been doing my job for 29 years. I have a great reputation and am very knowledgeable. However I always get passed up for promotions and advancement. Tired of it. So am hoping that what happened to you happens to me. Although at 57 YOA may have to deal with age discrimination next. People don't know how to treat you if you are different in anyway. Anyway at 240 so still have a long way to go but getting there.

[Hop_Scotch 1,634]

Sorry to hear you are feeling this way, I think you would benefit greatly if you saw a therapist.

Some people are treated differently when they lose what but I don't think its all about the way they look, I think some of it is the way they present a different attitude, more confidence, happier, etc etc.

[Jonsie27 101]

Just now, TracyS said:

I am just beginning my journey but down a total of 100 lbs from last year and 52 lbs of that has been since April after receiving the surgey. I am frustrated as i have always been discriminated against. I have been doing my job for 29 years. I have a great reputation and am very knowledgeable. However I always get passed up for promotions and advancement. Tired of it. So am hoping that what happened to you happens to me. Although at 57 YOA may have to deal with age discrimination next. People don't know how to treat you if you are different in anyway. Anyway at 240 so still have a long way to go but getting there.

Great job, Tracy. I know how hard you've worked to get that 100lbs off! The discrimination is real...

People who haven't lived it don't get it. One of the things that's helped so far is just being the person the discrimination stops with. When i encounter folks who say hurtful things or invalidate somone who's overweight I try to advocate for them.

Weve been there and we know how hard the road can be! With your knowledge and experience I know you'll continue to shine bright like the star you are!

[Saxons 71]

1 hour ago, Jonsie27 said:

I'm 1 year 2 months post op and have lost 115lbs which is awesome. I have more energy and can do more things with my daughter, I'm in clothing sizes I have never worn! I should be the happiest I've ever been, but I have a mindset I feel is holding me back. This may seem ungrateful, but I'm ANGRY I'm treated differently now that I've lost weight. It's like I was invisible (or worse- gross) when I weighed 286 but now people notice me just because of what I look like and it PISSES ME OFF.I was all the things that make me ME before I lost weight and now it's like a revelation that I'm worthwhile somehow. All of this positive feedback would have been awesome when my self-esteem was in the toilet from being depressed and overweight.

-My husband wants to tell me I look cute and wants to have more sex - and my 1st thought is why didn't you do this before?

-People who wouldn't give me the time of day at work tell me my ideas are great - and I think, they were good before, why didn't you speak up then?

-My family tells me nice things about myself and my clothes - I cant stop thinking about how I could have used this support BEFORE.

Has this happened to anyone else? What do I do to move past this? Should I see a therapist? I don't want to be ungrateful...

I totally get you on this. I had yet another person yesterday tell me that I looked fantastic after losing 80lb. I am cranky too. So obviously I didn't look ok before. This annoys me. I still care about people who are struggling with their weight. They need the same affirmation that I am getting now. Why do people hate obese people!?

[Jonsie27 101]

6 minutes ago, Saxons said:

I totally get you on this. I had yet another person yesterday tell me that I looked fantastic after losing 80lb. I am cranky too. So obviously I didn't look ok before. This annoys me. I still care about people who are struggling with their weight. They need the same affirmation that I am getting now. Why do people hate obese people!?

THIS. people are like "you look so great now!" what did i look like before, a bridge troll?!! 🙄

Edited June 8, 2019 by Jonsie27
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[Jonsie27 101]

36 minutes ago, Hop_Scotch said:

Sorry to hear you are feeling this way, I think you would benefit greatly if you saw a therapist.

Some people are treated differently when they lose what but I don't think its all about the way they look, I think some of it is the way they present a different attitude, more confidence, happier, etc etc.

You may be right about the therapist. Although why is it assumed that because you're overweight that you're some how unhappy?

[elcee 3,343]

There are of course 2 sides to this.

I am sure that if you had put in all this effort and lost all this weight and people didn’t comment or tell you how great you look you would be more teed off. I know it frustrates me when no one says anything.

Also whilst some people are attracted to obese people the majority of people aren’t. So whilst who you are hasn’t changed the way you look is probably a lot more pleasing now. Ask yourself if you thought you looked great when you were carrying all that excess weight, I know personally I think I look awful .

[AngieBear 2,525]

Yep, it’s happening to me as well. I’m no longer as invisible. It’s not that I’m happier or holding myself more confidently, I was prior to weight loss.

It’s a thing, and it sucks. Don’t let it mess around in your head too much. People are weird. And no, it’s not right that we are suddenly treated nicer due to our appearance. Everyone has value, and should be treated as such.

Im starting therapy next week, and this will be one of the things we discuss, for sure.

Edited June 8, 2019 by AngieBear

[catwoman7 11,285]

Yes, but I knew that would happen and I tried not to let it bother me (and mostly, it hasn't). Too many other things to worry about. But yes, I do get it.

[summerset 5,265]

4 hours ago, elcee said:

Ask yourself if you thought you looked great when you were carrying all that excess weight, I know personally I think I look awful .

I think the really frustrating thing is (at least for me it was) that "being attracted to someone" and "being nice to someone" are two entirely different things and while I absolutely understand that someone isn't physically/sexually attracted to very overweight people I have no clue why being fat seems to affect how people in general react to you.

I thought I looked awful when I was heavier and I don't think of very overweight people as "attractive" (sue me). However, that doesn't prevent me from being nice to heavier people. Being nice or polite or showing decent behavior or whatever one might call it is just a matter of common courtesy for me and not of weight.

I have quite a few overweight colleagues in different departments of the hospital and I don't think of them as "lesser" or something like that and I don't know why anyone could even have the idea that their work or their ideas or whatever could somehow be less worth or less good than that of slimmer colleagues just because they're fat and I also don't have the impression that other thin colleagues might be having these thoughts.

However, maybe it's different in other professions. In the medical field there are boatloads of overweight/fat people working as it seems to me.

Edited June 8, 2019 by summerset

[JessLess 1,163]

I relate to this so much. I am a Health at Every Size activist. I lost 80 lbs. on Phentermine about six years ago. All of a sudden I had a cousin I barely know writing to me about how happy she was about it because my health must have been so bad before and I had no weight-related health issues then. I was invited to family events that I hadn't been previously. People acted like it was, by far, my biggest accomplishment, nevermind that I have a law degree, etc. I told people what I thought of their bad behavior at the time.

For me, compliments are great, but when it suggests there was something seriously wrong with me before, it crosses into offensive behavior.

[summerset 5,265]

4 hours ago, AngieBear said:

I’m no longer as invisible.

Interestingly enough I feel invisible now. I blend into a group of people without sticking out like a sore thumb if I want to.

[summerset 5,265]

2 minutes ago, JessLess said:

For me, compliments are great, but when it suggests there was something seriously wrong with me before, it crosses into offensive behavior.

This. And all too often these "compliments" do seem to cross a line. "Weight" is a very emotional topic in our society.

[2019CD 18]

It’s human nature. Lean in to it but yes you may want to talk to someone. You need to get past the hang up so you can enjoy your life to the fullest!