SUPPORT? or ENABLING?

[FluffyChix 17,418]

At what point does "support" become enabling?

And here's another...

At what point does being a "straight shooter" and tellin' someone to knock it off--that the king does NOT have new clothes, that those new clothes are his butt nekkid ass hanging in the wind, become abusive?

Ok, go!!!

[froufrou 678]

I think if someone asks for an opinion, then it's an invitation to be honest. Obviously not to the point of destroying someone's esteem, but I feel that if someone asks... I will answer with honesty.

Not sure about the support being enabling... interested to hear about that.

[Healthy_life2 8,330]

1 hour ago, FluffyChix said:

At what point does "support" become enabling?

And here's another...

At what point does being a "straight shooter" and tellin' someone to knock it off--that the king does NOT have new clothes, that those new clothes are his butt nekkid ass hanging in the wind, become abusive?

Ok, go!!!

Enabling:

I won’t give permission or condone choices/behaviors that sabotage the work to get healthy. Peoples success is not dependent on the members here. The only one who has to be happy with your WLS outcome is you.

When does a response become abusive? Interpretation is part of it. Trolling and personal attacks I would consider abusive.

When you post on a forum you have no control of how people respond If a post or member offends you don’t read or respond. (you have the option to block them) Some people want a light touch while other do better with tough love. Take the advice, examples, and experiences that are useful and ignore the rest. I value all the opinions and input, even if it’s something I don’t agree with. I learn from the successes and mistakes. Freedom of speech is a wonderful thing.

[FluffyChix 17,418]

[FluffyChix 17,418]

[FluffySaysForkIt! 823]

Interesting question!

I decided that the way I could know if I felt I was enabling or supporting was by looking at my own motivation.

For me, true support is ALWAYS a totally selfless act. Zero ego involved. No "well this is good for me" , "this shows that I am an expert" or I am getting some other charge out of this. It doesn't write someone off as hopeless, but it isn't always warm and fuzzy either. True support sees the needs of others and is willing to meet that need with compassion and, if need be, couch that compassion in "Hey! Your ass is hanging in the wind, cover that up!"

Enabling, on the other hand, seems to me to come from a point of helping one's self out in some way. Such as the person bringing pizza to someone they KNOW shouldn't eat it to avoid conflict with them. Or Saying on this forum "Sure! Eat fried chicken 10 min after surgery" because you don't want to be the "bad guy".

Abuse always is motivated by frustration/anger and (quite often on here anyway) ego too. That said, one man's "abuse" might be another person's "straight shooting". I have seen people use "straight shooting" as an excuse to verbally mow people over when the same message could have been said with a lot less carnage. I have also seen people feel abused by what I thought was pretty gentle truth sent their way

Perception is everything and, since I can't control that in others, I will try to run what I say through my own filter, do my own "straight shooting" through that, and hope for the best.

[Stella S 613]

I appreciate people support at times it almost becomes a overbearing. I would say enabling - that might be one way to describe it but flat out custodial is sometimes true. Agree look at the motivation as well as who benefits. A Mitzvah is a Mitzvah

[NYJenn 1,464]

Support is helping someone move toward a positive light with their best interests at heart
I see enabling as keeping someone pacified regardless of the outcome (usually negative)