I don’t want to tell my parents about my surgery. I have battled with my weight since middle school. My parents had me in weight watchers at the age of 12, had me stand on the scale if they thought I was gaining weight, and do, earnestly, worry about my health. The only time I was successful with weight loss was when I was a bulimic, and that’s just sad for me.

I have finally found a doctor who felt that I would benefit from bariatric surgery and I’ve already decided, pending all approvals, that I will have the gastric sleeve surgery. I’m going to my 2nd nutritionist appointment in a couple of weeks. My fiancé is accepting of my decision and respects that I don’t want my parents to know.

However, with all this said, I feel like I’m hiding or lying to them. I have hypertension and I get very snippy with them when they bring up my health because I KNOW that I’m working towards gaining a strong tool to help me lose weight; but they think I just eat too much or don’t exercise enough. I’m an adult, but I do want my family to know in case something were to happen to me, or if something happens post-op... but I truly, honestly, down to my core don’t feel like they will accept it, try to talk me out of it, harp on it, judge me, be upset with me, feel I didn’t try hard enough (and then point out specifics), and so on. I come from a family of naturally thin people and I’m really the only one with a weight problem... I don’t want to lie to them or avoid them post-op either...

so after all this: has anyone had any experience or luck with this type of thing? Any support that has helped you through a situation like this? Sorry for the long post; I think I just needed to get that all off my chest too

Edited September 26, 20187 yr by ZGal

On 11/4/2018 at 2:31 PM, AEdoesRnY said:

Here's the email I sent with the subject line "Ground Rules (so far)". I sent this email to my sisters and parents about a week and a half after surgery. My family lives far away (I'm in MN, they're in NYC, New Orleans, and Oakland) which is part of why I approached it in email.

So these will, I’m sure, be ever evolving, but just a few quick things that have occurred to me so far:

- NO commenting on my weight loss unless I initiate. I reserve the right to be prickly about it - it’s a complex thing and if you haven’t read the Roxane gay article yet then do and I’ll keep bringing it up over and over. I will at times send you things like “wow look at the difference” or “wow this fits”. You may respond to these in a celebratory whatever way, but under no circumstances are you to initiate such discussions.

- NO “I’m so proud of you” or “you’re a hero” or “you deserve it” or “just think about how amazing it’ll be to be ____”. It annoys me and mildly pisses me off for a variety of reasons ranging from highly legitimate to petty but still there.

- NO “oh I’ll have liquids only in solidarity” or asking for dieting advice. I’d love to talk about cooking and food and nice meals or whatever, but my thing is bound to be enormously different from what you are doing/needing/trying and I don’t want to be treated like guru or whatever, don’t want to have to advise. Again, I may initiate this but you don’t get to. Sorry!

-FEEL FREE to ask me how I’m doing generally and check in and stuff, just keep it general and not too pointedly about weight loss.

That’s what I’ve got for now. THX!

Thank you for sharing this!