Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!
$99 Yearly Supply Alert! 🎉 "1 per Day!" Bariatric Multivitamins

Dating how to's?

Lyndi84

By Lyndi84, in Singles Forum

Recommended Posts

Lyndi84    21

Lyndi84
Posted

I have been single for a very long time at least 10 years. I never thought myself to be worthy of a relationship prior because I was ashamed of how I looked. Now that I have had bypass surgery and have lost a total of 180 lbs from my highest weight I'd like to find someone. Don't get me wrong I still have a long way to go on this journey I am still very much over weight but not nearly as over weight as I once was. I still have self esteem issues but I think putting myself out there and dating again could help with that too. It's been so long since I've went through the dating phase it's like I've forgotten how to date I have no idea where to even start. I am quite shy in person so that tends to be off putting to some.. any ideas or pointers would be greatly appreciated.

Sent from my SM-G960W using BariatricPal mobile app

jo ann c troupe reacted to this

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Matt Z    4,140

Matt Z
Posted

1 hour ago, Lyndi84 said:

I have been single for a very long time at least 10 years. I never thought myself to be worthy of a relationship prior because I was ashamed of how I looked. Now that I have had bypass surgery and have lost a total of 180 lbs from my highest weight I'd like to find someone. Don't get me wrong I still have a long way to go on this journey I am still very much over weight but not nearly as over weight as I once was. I still have self esteem issues but I think putting myself out there and dating again could help with that too. It's been so long since I've went through the dating phase it's like I've forgotten how to date I have no idea where to even start. I am quite shy in person so that tends to be off putting to some.. any ideas or pointers would be greatly appreciated.

Sent from my SM-G960W using BariatricPal mobile app

Dating is easy.... just be yourself. That's really all there is to it. It's when folks start trying to be more than who they really are to impress people that things get harder. Just be yourself and don't stress over people that don't respond to that, the whole idea is to find people that WANT to be with you, not those that want to be with the fake persona they have been exposed to.

Good luck! And remember, always be honest and always be yourself.

jo ann c troupe and Hop_Scotch reacted to this

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Lyndi84    21

Lyndi84
Posted

Dating is easy.... just be yourself. That's really all there is to it. It's when folks start trying to be more than who they really are to impress people that things get harder. Just be yourself and don't stress over people that don't respond to that, the whole idea is to find people that WANT to be with you, not those that want to be with the fake persona they have been exposed to.

Good luck! And remember, always be honest and always be yourself.
Thank you for replying. Any ideas on where to meet people? I've tried dating sites in the past but was never met with anything other than "Hey do you wanna hook up?" kind of messages.

Sent from my SM-G960W using BariatricPal mobile app

jo ann c troupe reacted to this

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Matt Z    4,140

Matt Z
Posted

2 minutes ago, Lyndi84 said:

Thank you for replying. Any ideas on where to meet people? I've tried dating sites in the past but was never met with anything other than "Hey do you wanna hook up?" kind of messages.

Sent from my SM-G960W using BariatricPal mobile app

This is what's going to be harder. The "scene" these days is much different. Have you tried any of the dating services that are a bit more... professional? Something like Match or eHarmony where the idea is more about soul mate matches than hookups.

But... hookups are a great place to start getting that confidence back... no judgement here.

sillykitty, linlew and jo ann c troupe reacted to this

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Lyndi84    21

Lyndi84
Posted

This is what's going to be harder. The "scene" these days is much different. Have you tried any of the dating services that are a bit more... professional? Something like Match or eHarmony where the idea is more about soul mate matches than hookups.

But... hookups are a great place to start getting that confidence back... no judgement here.
I haven't tried either of those. I'm a little hesitant with sites I need to pay for. Granted I understand the whole you get what you pay for thing. Having to pay for something generally weed out the less than serious types that are just looking for booty calls. I've nothing against the hookups I just don't know if it's something i could do..

Sent from my SM-G960W using BariatricPal mobile app

jo ann c troupe reacted to this

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Matt Z    4,140

Matt Z
Posted

7 minutes ago, Lyndi84 said:

I haven't tried either of those. I'm a little hesitant with sites I need to pay for. Granted I understand the whole you get what you pay for thing. Having to pay for something generally weed out the less than serious types that are just looking for booty calls. I've nothing against the hookups I just don't know if it's something i could do..

Sent from my SM-G960W using BariatricPal mobile app

I get it, the pay to play thing does really help limit the "only here for a hook up" folks. They usually have trial periods so you can get in, start things off and see if it's worth it before committing to paying for it.

Get yourself tinder and start playing around, you don't have to actually hook up with anyone, but when you start matching with people, and realizing that means they like you and are interested, it really does help to boost self esteem. Seeing other people have an interest can be quite empowering.

sillykitty and jo ann c troupe reacted to this

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Lyndi84    21

Lyndi84
Posted

I get it, the pay to play thing does really help limit the "only here for a hook up" folks. They usually have trial periods so you can get in, start things off and see if it's worth it before committing to paying for it.

Get yourself tinder and start playing around, you don't have to actually hook up with anyone, but when you start matching with people, and realizing that means they like you and are interested, it really does help to boost self esteem. Seeing other people have an interest can be quite empowering.
I never thought of it that way. Perhaps I shall look into Tinder. Thanx for the ideas and feedback. It is greatly appreciated.

Sent from my SM-G960W using BariatricPal mobile app

Frustr8, jo ann c troupe, Matt Z and 1 other reacted to this

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

MargoCL    677

MargoCL
Posted

I would definitely try the dating services. I can tell you from personal experience that I was not lucky on Match or eHarmony. Both had a lot of "fake" profiles and if you pay for the service and happen to respond to one of these "fake" profiles and want a refund, they will not refund you. Not knowing where you live, eHarmony could've been OK but everyone was really far away, no one in my area (NC).

I actually met my current BF (of 3 years) on Tinder and was lucky on Plenty of Fish. Don't be afraid to try as many dating sites as you can to find which one has the right "feel" for you. Good luck in your new journey.

jo ann c troupe reacted to this

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Lyndi84    21

Lyndi84
Posted

I would definitely try the dating services. I can tell you from personal experience that I was not lucky on Match or eHarmony. Both had a lot of "fake" profiles and if you pay for the service and happen to respond to one of these "fake" profiles and want a refund, they will not refund you. Not knowing where you live, eHarmony could've been OK but everyone was really far away, no one in my area (NC).
I actually met my current BF (of 3 years) on Tinder and was lucky on Plenty of Fish. Don't be afraid to try as many dating sites as you can to find which one has the right "feel" for you. Good luck in your new journey.
I've never used Tinder. But I have tried Plenty of Fish it was just a bunch of wanna hookup messages on there. I'm in Western Canada..but thank you for the advice.

Sent from my SM-G960W using BariatricPal mobile app

jo ann c troupe reacted to this

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hop_Scotch    1,634

Hop_Scotch
Posted

Perhaps look to your interests to meet someone, if you enjoy reading join a mixed group book club, enjoy gardening join a garden club, volunteer somewhere, join an activity club, a choir, dancing classes, art classes etc,

Orchids&Dragons, looly, jo ann c troupe and 3 others reacted to this

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

looly    361

looly
Posted

I've met blokes through dating sites. I've dated blokes I met while out socialising with friends. But the ones I liked the best were ones I met through a hobby. The main focus wasn't flirting - it was chatting about our interests - so we weren't putting on a front. I met my current partner on an astronomy weekend. :)

sillykitty reacted to this

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Lyndi84    21

Lyndi84
Posted

Perhaps look to your interests to meet someone, if you enjoy reading join a mixed group book club, enjoy gardening join a garden club, volunteer somewhere, join an activity club, a choir, dancing classes, art classes etc,
Those are great ideas thank you. I will look into some for sure.

Sent from my SM-G960W using BariatricPal mobile app

sillykitty reacted to this

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

MargoCL    677

MargoCL
Posted

Do you have "Meet up's" - it's an app and website that helps you find people of similar interests and they are meet up groups. I joined a dinner meetup and met some great people

sillykitty reacted to this

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Lyndi84    21

Lyndi84
Posted

I've met blokes through dating sites. I've dated blokes I met while out socialising with friends. But the ones I liked the best were ones I met through a hobby. The main focus wasn't flirting - it was chatting about our interests - so we weren't putting on a front. I met my current partner on an astronomy weekend. [emoji4]
True enough there is no falsehoods when chatting about a mutual interest. There is no reason to be boastful. It's a nice easy way to get comfortable with someone at the same time.

Sent from my SM-G960W using BariatricPal mobile app

sillykitty reacted to this

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Go To Topic Listing Singles Forum

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • vsg.with.sharon

      vsg.with.sharon

      Hey everyone!
      I’m new here! Looking for some friends! 🥰
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • LeighaTR

      LeighaTR

      Four days post surgery. I am sipping as fast as I can and getting NO WHERE near the goal of 60 - 80 grams of protein or the 64 oz of liquids. I just feel FULL. I don't know if it can still be the gas build up (I would think by now that would be gone) but it is a struggle to drink. And so far I have not had the nausea or spasms and don't want to wander into that territory by pushing too hard with liquids. I about passed out today as it was my most "strenuous" day. Went from second story to basement for shower and I was sure I was going to pass out. Looking back on my last few days I have had a total of less than 1000 calories. Am I just not getting enough nourishment in me? Once again a friday where I can't get ahold of the doc until Monday rolls back around so I am hoping maybe someone here has some experience on how to keep energy going. I do have fibromyalgia too and that may be where some added fatigue comes into play. How did you all fair with the goals the week after surgery?
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Doughgurl

      Doughgurl

      2 days until I fly out to San Diego to have my Bypass Surg. in Tiajuana Mexico. Not gonna lie, the nerves are starting to surface. I don't fear the surgery itself, or the fact that I'm traveling alone, but its the aftermath that I'm stressing about the most, after this 8 week wait. I'm excited to finally be here, but I am really dreading the post surgical chapter. I know its going to be tough, real tough and I think I'm just in my head to much now that the day i here. Wish me luck, Hopefully I'm one of the lucky ones, and everything goes smoothly. Cant wait to give an exciting update,. If there is anyone else have a June bypass or even a recent one, Id love to have someone to compare war stories with. Also, anyone near San Antonio Tx? See ya soon with the future me. 💜
      · 3 replies
      1. Phil Penn

        Phil Penn

        Good Luck this procedure is well worth it I am down to 249.6 lb please continue with the process..

      2. Selina333

        Selina333

        I'm in Houston so kind of near you and had the sleeve in Dec. Down 61 lbs. Feeling better. Was definitely worth it. I hope the everything is going well for you. Update us when you can!

      3. Doughgurl

        Doughgurl

        I am back home after my bypass surgery in Tiajuana. I'm post op day 4. Everything went great! I guess I'm one of the lucky ones who have not encountered much pain at all, no nausea thus far and I'm having no problem keeping down broths and water. Thank you for your well wishes. I cant wait to keep up this journey and have a chance at better health and simply better quality of life. I know there will be bumps in the road ahead, and everything won't be peaches and cream, but at least I have a great start so far. 😍

    • LeighaTR

      LeighaTR

      I am new here today... and only two weeks out from my sleeve surgery on the 23rd. I am amazed I have kept my calories down to 467 today so far... that leaves me almost 750 left for dinner and maybe a snack. This is going to be tough for two weeks... but I have to believe I can do it!
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Doughgurl

      Doughgurl

      Hey everyone. I'm new here so I thought I should introduce myself. I am 53y/o and am scheduled for Gastric Bypass on June 25th, 2025. I'm located in San Antonio, Texas. I will be having my surgery in Tiajuana Mexico. I've wanted this for years, but I always had insurance where bariatric procedures were excluded. Finally I am able to afford to pay out of pocket.  I can't wait to get started, and I hope I'm prepared for the initial period of "hell". I know what I have signed up for, but I'm sure the good to come will out way the temporary period of discomfort and feelings of regret. I'd love to find people to talk to who have been through the same procedure or experience before. So I look forward to meeting you all. Hope you have a great week!
      · 2 replies
      1. Selina333

        Selina333

        I'm so happy for you! You are about to change your life. I was so glad to get the sleeve done in Dec. I didn't have feelings of regret overall. And I'm down almost 60 lbs. I do feel a little sad at restaurants. I can barely eat half a kid's meal. I get adults meals often because kid ones don't have the same offerings at times. Then I feel obligated to eat on that until it's gone and that can be days. So the restaurant thing isn't great for me. All the rest is fine by me! I love feeling full with very little. I do wish I could drink when eating. And will sip at the end. Just a strong habit to stop. But I'm working on it! You will do fine! Just keep focused on your desire to be different. Not better or worse. But different. I am happy both ways but my low back doesn't like me that heavy. So I listened (also my feet!). LOL! Update us on your journey! I'm not far from you. I'm in Houston. Good luck and I hope it all goes smoothly! Would love to see pics of the town you go to for this. I've never been there. Neat you will be traveling for this! Enjoy the journey. Take it one day at a time. Sometimes a few hours at a time. Follow all recommendations as best you can. 💗

      2. Doughgurl

        Doughgurl

        Thank you so much for your well wishes. I am hoping that everything goes easy for me as well. We don't eat out much as it is, so it wont be too bad in that department. Thankfully. Also, I hear you regarding your back and feet!! I'd like to add knees to the list. Killing me as we speak! I'm only 5' so the weight has to go. Too short to carry all this weight. Menopause really did a doosey on me. (😶lol) My daughter also lives in Houston. with her Husband and my 5 grand-littles. I grew up in Beaumont, so I know Houston well, I will be sure to keep in touch and update you on my journey. I may need some advice in the future, or just motivation. Thank You so much for reaching out, I was hoping to connect with someone in the community. I really appreciate it. 💜

  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    Bariatric Forums

    For Patients

    Health Professionals

    Search Surgeons

    Bariatric Surgeons: Want to research a weight loss surgery surgeon? Enter their last name below to start!

    ×