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Dating how to's?

Lyndi84

By Lyndi84, in Singles Forum

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Lyndi84    21

Lyndi84
Posted

I have been single for a very long time at least 10 years. I never thought myself to be worthy of a relationship prior because I was ashamed of how I looked. Now that I have had bypass surgery and have lost a total of 180 lbs from my highest weight I'd like to find someone. Don't get me wrong I still have a long way to go on this journey I am still very much over weight but not nearly as over weight as I once was. I still have self esteem issues but I think putting myself out there and dating again could help with that too. It's been so long since I've went through the dating phase it's like I've forgotten how to date I have no idea where to even start. I am quite shy in person so that tends to be off putting to some.. any ideas or pointers would be greatly appreciated.

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Matt Z    4,138

Matt Z
Posted

1 hour ago, Lyndi84 said:

I have been single for a very long time at least 10 years. I never thought myself to be worthy of a relationship prior because I was ashamed of how I looked. Now that I have had bypass surgery and have lost a total of 180 lbs from my highest weight I'd like to find someone. Don't get me wrong I still have a long way to go on this journey I am still very much over weight but not nearly as over weight as I once was. I still have self esteem issues but I think putting myself out there and dating again could help with that too. It's been so long since I've went through the dating phase it's like I've forgotten how to date I have no idea where to even start. I am quite shy in person so that tends to be off putting to some.. any ideas or pointers would be greatly appreciated.

Sent from my SM-G960W using BariatricPal mobile app

Dating is easy.... just be yourself. That's really all there is to it. It's when folks start trying to be more than who they really are to impress people that things get harder. Just be yourself and don't stress over people that don't respond to that, the whole idea is to find people that WANT to be with you, not those that want to be with the fake persona they have been exposed to.

Good luck! And remember, always be honest and always be yourself.

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Lyndi84    21

Lyndi84
Posted

Dating is easy.... just be yourself. That's really all there is to it. It's when folks start trying to be more than who they really are to impress people that things get harder. Just be yourself and don't stress over people that don't respond to that, the whole idea is to find people that WANT to be with you, not those that want to be with the fake persona they have been exposed to.

Good luck! And remember, always be honest and always be yourself.
Thank you for replying. Any ideas on where to meet people? I've tried dating sites in the past but was never met with anything other than "Hey do you wanna hook up?" kind of messages.

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Matt Z    4,138

Matt Z
Posted

2 minutes ago, Lyndi84 said:

Thank you for replying. Any ideas on where to meet people? I've tried dating sites in the past but was never met with anything other than "Hey do you wanna hook up?" kind of messages.

Sent from my SM-G960W using BariatricPal mobile app

This is what's going to be harder. The "scene" these days is much different. Have you tried any of the dating services that are a bit more... professional? Something like Match or eHarmony where the idea is more about soul mate matches than hookups.

But... hookups are a great place to start getting that confidence back... no judgement here.

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Lyndi84    21

Lyndi84
Posted

This is what's going to be harder. The "scene" these days is much different. Have you tried any of the dating services that are a bit more... professional? Something like Match or eHarmony where the idea is more about soul mate matches than hookups.

But... hookups are a great place to start getting that confidence back... no judgement here.
I haven't tried either of those. I'm a little hesitant with sites I need to pay for. Granted I understand the whole you get what you pay for thing. Having to pay for something generally weed out the less than serious types that are just looking for booty calls. I've nothing against the hookups I just don't know if it's something i could do..

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Matt Z    4,138

Matt Z
Posted

7 minutes ago, Lyndi84 said:

I haven't tried either of those. I'm a little hesitant with sites I need to pay for. Granted I understand the whole you get what you pay for thing. Having to pay for something generally weed out the less than serious types that are just looking for booty calls. I've nothing against the hookups I just don't know if it's something i could do..

Sent from my SM-G960W using BariatricPal mobile app

I get it, the pay to play thing does really help limit the "only here for a hook up" folks. They usually have trial periods so you can get in, start things off and see if it's worth it before committing to paying for it.

Get yourself tinder and start playing around, you don't have to actually hook up with anyone, but when you start matching with people, and realizing that means they like you and are interested, it really does help to boost self esteem. Seeing other people have an interest can be quite empowering.

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Lyndi84    21

Lyndi84
Posted

I get it, the pay to play thing does really help limit the "only here for a hook up" folks. They usually have trial periods so you can get in, start things off and see if it's worth it before committing to paying for it.

Get yourself tinder and start playing around, you don't have to actually hook up with anyone, but when you start matching with people, and realizing that means they like you and are interested, it really does help to boost self esteem. Seeing other people have an interest can be quite empowering.
I never thought of it that way. Perhaps I shall look into Tinder. Thanx for the ideas and feedback. It is greatly appreciated.

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MargoCL    677

MargoCL
Posted

I would definitely try the dating services. I can tell you from personal experience that I was not lucky on Match or eHarmony. Both had a lot of "fake" profiles and if you pay for the service and happen to respond to one of these "fake" profiles and want a refund, they will not refund you. Not knowing where you live, eHarmony could've been OK but everyone was really far away, no one in my area (NC).

I actually met my current BF (of 3 years) on Tinder and was lucky on Plenty of Fish. Don't be afraid to try as many dating sites as you can to find which one has the right "feel" for you. Good luck in your new journey.

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Lyndi84    21

Lyndi84
Posted

I would definitely try the dating services. I can tell you from personal experience that I was not lucky on Match or eHarmony. Both had a lot of "fake" profiles and if you pay for the service and happen to respond to one of these "fake" profiles and want a refund, they will not refund you. Not knowing where you live, eHarmony could've been OK but everyone was really far away, no one in my area (NC).
I actually met my current BF (of 3 years) on Tinder and was lucky on Plenty of Fish. Don't be afraid to try as many dating sites as you can to find which one has the right "feel" for you. Good luck in your new journey.
I've never used Tinder. But I have tried Plenty of Fish it was just a bunch of wanna hookup messages on there. I'm in Western Canada..but thank you for the advice.

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Hop_Scotch    1,626

Hop_Scotch
Posted

Perhaps look to your interests to meet someone, if you enjoy reading join a mixed group book club, enjoy gardening join a garden club, volunteer somewhere, join an activity club, a choir, dancing classes, art classes etc,

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looly    361

looly
Posted

I've met blokes through dating sites. I've dated blokes I met while out socialising with friends. But the ones I liked the best were ones I met through a hobby. The main focus wasn't flirting - it was chatting about our interests - so we weren't putting on a front. I met my current partner on an astronomy weekend. :)

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Lyndi84    21

Lyndi84
Posted

Perhaps look to your interests to meet someone, if you enjoy reading join a mixed group book club, enjoy gardening join a garden club, volunteer somewhere, join an activity club, a choir, dancing classes, art classes etc,
Those are great ideas thank you. I will look into some for sure.

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MargoCL    677

MargoCL
Posted

Do you have "Meet up's" - it's an app and website that helps you find people of similar interests and they are meet up groups. I joined a dinner meetup and met some great people

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Lyndi84    21

Lyndi84
Posted

I've met blokes through dating sites. I've dated blokes I met while out socialising with friends. But the ones I liked the best were ones I met through a hobby. The main focus wasn't flirting - it was chatting about our interests - so we weren't putting on a front. I met my current partner on an astronomy weekend. [emoji4]
True enough there is no falsehoods when chatting about a mutual interest. There is no reason to be boastful. It's a nice easy way to get comfortable with someone at the same time.

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