This is going to be awkward but I really can't handle asking someone in person. So perhaps you can help me with this matter.

I recently got confused about my relationship due to my husband's sudden fetish in women with bigger boobs. However, though he doesn't seem to directly tell it to my face, he keeps on mentioning how beautiful a woman is with a very proportioned figure. I got big butts but I'm a cup A size. Now I was wondering if I could consider surgery to have bigger boobs. Because honestly, I feel like I'm losing my relationship because of this paranoia I'm having.

6 minutes ago, Numbheart said:

This is going to be awkward but I really can't handle asking someone in person. So perhaps you can help me with this matter.

I recently got confused about my relationship due to my husband's sudden fetish in women with bigger boobs. However, though he doesn't seem to directly tell it to my face, he keeps on mentioning how beautiful a woman is with a very proportioned figure. I got big butts but I'm a cup A size. Now I was wondering if I could consider surgery to have bigger boobs. Because honestly, I feel like I'm losing my relationship because of this paranoia I'm having.

You are going to have to sit him down and have a very open, more than likely uncomfortable, conversation about what gets him going. I'd hate to advise going through another major surgery to "save a marriage" and then not have it work. The fact that you are willing to do that for him is pretty amazing.

This is a very dangerous road to go down, but only you know if you are willing to do it. Making physical changes for someone else when you are not comfortable doing it is not a very good idea and can lead to more problems than resolutions. But i will say this strong and lasting marriages are not usually made or broken on bra size.

Edited July 27, 20188 yr by Tealael

Does he know this bothers you? Why is he mentioning this in front of you in the first place? I think it’s inappropriate and a deliberate way to undermine your self esteem, especially if you have lost weight and are feeling better about yourself he may be becoming more insecure in the relationship.

If you mentioned how sexually attractive other men were because they had larger units, or were not going bald, or didn’t have chicken legs, or whatever his flaws are, I’m sure he wouldn’t enjoy it. I’d just start with letting him know to keep his hurtful comments to himself. If he doesn’t care if he is hurting your feelings, he’s not that great a husband anyways.

I would certainly never consider having breast augmentation to please someone else. All that matters is that YOU are happy with your body.

3 hours ago, Numbheart said:

This is going to be awkward but I really can't handle asking someone in person. So perhaps you can help me with this matter.

I recently got confused about my relationship due to my husband's sudden fetish in women with bigger boobs. However, though he doesn't seem to directly tell it to my face, he keeps on mentioning how beautiful a woman is with a very proportioned figure. I got big butts but I'm a cup A size. Now I was wondering if I could consider surgery to have bigger boobs. Because honestly, I feel like I'm losing my relationship because of this paranoia I'm having.

I think your feelings warrant a more in depth and serious conversation with your husband about his wants and desires. My husband likes red heads, but that doesn't mean he wants me to dye my hair red. Which obviously a boob job would be a lot more expensive, invasive, and permanent than hair dye. I understand how it's hard to feel confident when you don't match up to the type of women he's commenting on. It also seems like there is some additional insecurities if you are letting this paranoia consume you to the point where you feel like you are "losing your relationship". I hope you can work these issues out in a quick and healthy manor. Remember, its not uncommon for WLS patients to have body image issues after surgery. If this is the case, then you might want to seek some therapy.

Good luck dear, Xo

In a relationship, no one person can love every aspect of another person. There are probably things you don't particularly like about him. would you have him go through major surgery, if he could, to change?

It's great that you are looking for ways to improve your marriage. No one should have to go through major surgery to change a single aspect that may be imperfect to someone. Have a good honest heart to heart, if he loves you & feels as you do about bettering the relationship, he needs to do his part and accept ALL of you.

To be honest I do not believe you should do something like this because of what someone else makes you feel...

Say you did this and then he says 'I like women with butt implants' This could take you on a whole journey that you would never have gone on without the way he makes you feel not good enough. You ARE good enough. I know you are scared you may lose him to a big boobed woman - But if he does not love you as you are and you have to change yourself to be 'good enough for him' then in my eyes he really does not love the true you! If he loves you he should love every part of you and not wanna mould you into someone else.

There is always a chance that he just said something thoughtless and silly and he did not mean that he wanted you to change.

I am sorry to be so harsh (I really am) But my having my ops did NOT save my relationship. I have been on my own a while now and I am much more settled n myself - In fact I feel happier and more content. I value myself more and looking back I can see how I was settling for him because i thought that nobody else would ever love me as i was - I guess I felt deformed in a way.

In fact after we split he even told me how vain I am - When at the time he had said he understood, which I guess was a lie as now I am vain. - I guess when you look back you can see things a lot differently than when you are inside of it at that moment.

Anyways....

I really hope that you can sort out your feelings and I hope whatever you do - That you are happy.

Oh and.....

I am not saying this would happen but what if something happened in your surgery that made you feel more disfigured? Things do go wrong sometimes - If you did something and anything untoward happened and you had only done this for him - This could wreak havoc and cause many arguments.

You truly can only do surgeries like this for yourself - Never for someone else's benefit.

Which leads me to this question..... (Please answer honestly - lol)

Question:......

If he had said nothing at all about other women's boobs - Would you have thought about or wanted a boob job? Or were you happy with your boobs up until he started mentioning other people's boobs leaving you feeling insecure?

<3

I had a boob job at my 2nd husband's request in April 2003 (15 years ago). (I had small B size boobs.)

Honestly, it did not help our relationship at all!!! I thought it would improve our sex life, but it didn't. I was a regular size person at the time - size 12. I was the same size the entire relationship (2 1/2 years), so it wasn't a physical issue. The relationship ended about 1 year later and my boobs, big or small, had nothing to do with it.

I have had several issues with the implants over the years. And I have had 2 more surgeries to correct some issues since then.

I would like to have them removed but the doctor told me that I would have a lot of extra sagging skin & would need a breast lift also. I had a breast lift on one breast when the implants were done & it was SOOOOO painful! I don't want to have to go through anymore surgeries on my boobs. I will probably have them removed after my sleeve surgery & I lose some weight.

Overall, they have been more problems than anything. (I am writing this now with an ice pack on one of my boobs).

Gee guys, I really appreciate all your opinions. I still haven't found the right time and courage to ask him if she wants me to undergo a surgery for this matter. But if ever, yes, I might go under the knife for that. However, it's true that it will not secure my relationship after the surgery but if it will, then it's going to be a win-win right? I have read an article from various websites like www.regain.us, huffington.com, and other blogs hoping to see get more idea from what I'm going through.

Edited July 31, 20188 yr by Numbheart

Won't be a win win if breast implants are not something you'd want for yourself, something you feel pressure to do because of your own insecurities.

What would be a win win is if you worked on developing assertiveness (would cost a lot less than breast implants) and started commmunicating assertively and honestly with your husband, and he with you.

This isn’t the black and white issue that people are making it out to be. Honesty we can’t know enough about your situation.

But here are some more thoughts, take what works for you.

How long have you been together? Is this a new thing for him to notice boobs? Did you used to have boobs and he misses them after you lost weight? What’s the rest of your relationship like?

I used to have ENORMOUS boobs. Like 44G or something at my highest, I never really wore the right size. Even when I was younger and just “chubby” not morbidly obese I was like 40DDD at least. My hubby has always been a boob man.

Flash forward to post WLS I wear a size 4 and was rolling up my deflated tube sock boobs into my bra.

Left to my own devices when I got my plastics I would have embraced a B/C cup. But after 22+ years of marriage i knew his preference matters to me. So I got implants with my lift. Would I have done it if I hadn’t already been getting surgery? Honestly probably yes. Would I have gotten them if I hated the idea just for him, no.

But like all things in a long term relationship, it’s about give and take, compromise, love, etc. Thats one that mattered to him more than it did to me, so it was my gift to him.

So yeah, I won’t keep cheezits in the House for him, but I will get implants. Ha! That is marriage for you.

I think Jess9395 makes very valid points. Nothing can save a truly doomed marriage. Both people need healthy attitudes and open communication. If you want bigger boobs, then get bigger boobs - if the side effect is a more attentive husband then great - you may also get more male attention in general - are you okay with that part? - is he okay with that part too? So many questions to answer.

I'll trade you my dd implants for your butt!!! I'll take butt over boobs anyday.

Is the relationship worth saving?

Well we will take up a collection to buy him an electric blanket,that way he won't require pillows to keep him warm. If he rquires that,then you should lobby for Chet hair or other transplantation for him. That way you both would be surgical enhanced.