Stigma with WLS

[Tracy1978 113]

Today was hard. I have surgery this Friday 20th. I've been eating the pre-op "envelope meal" diet almost 2 weeks and today the office ordered Cheesecake Factory. It's not their fault that I made the decision to do the surgery, but I still wanted to kick their chairs out from underneath them. It's literally all I can do to keep myself from saying "Eff it" and going for a steak and beer. I know I know, I am so close to surgery; I wont sabotage myself.

One other thing that has been on my mind is how some people I have told have reacted to my news. I honestly didn't tell people for a long time about what I was doing because I didn't want to listen to everyone's opinions. I've worked in the medical field for 20 years and if I have questions I know who to ask.

It doesn't stop people from saying things that are seriously discouraging:

- "Oh wow. Can't you lose it on your own without having surgery?"

- "I could NEVER do a liquid diet for that long."

- "Haven't people died getting that done?"

- "Awwww! Your surgery is the day of my party?? That sucks! We were having a Mexican food buffet too! I know that's your favorite. Well, at least you are missing for a good reason."

- "I'm fat too, but there is no way I would have surgery."

- "Let's go to {insert restaurant/bar here} before you have surgery since you wont be able to do it after that."

- "You know you can't have carbonated beverages the rest of your life, right?"

- "Don't people gain their weight back most of the time anyway?"

It's hard to tell if people are trying to make me feel bad about my decision because they don't understand it, or it they are jealous or just being downright hateful. I don't get it. I just needed to vent. Today was the hardest day I've had so far and I needed to get that off my chest. I keep telling myself that by this weekend it will all be over and I can start focusing on living a normal life again, just healthier this time.

[Lisa K. 62]

Girl, we've all heard those comments too and it does hurt. I'm with you--is it jealousy, concern, rudeness? I am 53 years old and decided to quit giving people any power over me due to their own emotional struggles with my decision. I have struggled with obesity for 30 years. My loved ones and friends are all very supportive and I'll just be satisfied with that. There will be a ton of support on this forum. Maybe tell them you decided to take control of your life and be proactive. If that doesn't shut them down, make it clear that you are firm in your decision and that you would appreciate any support they'd like to offer, but that the decision is made. Period.

[GeminiSky 80]

You know whats interesting? I only told a few hand selected people from my place of employment also, however someone came up to me and said "I heard a rumor...." I switched the topic instantly and made a fast getaway. Like HOW are people finding this out or why does it matter so much what im doing?

Now im just assuming but that's the only thing that is going on in my life that they would "hear" about. By logical deduction he was being ultra nosy (hes one a mega busybody) and wanted to get the info. It just really irks me. Since when did I become so frigging interesting? I swear WLS does something to people. Where it's like this crazy SUPER interesting topic that people HAVE to chime in for, kinda like politics or religion.

People are very uncomfortable about others changing. Ive really started to realize this. Anytime a constant is changed especially if you are close to them (family, friends, significant others) or work in close proximity (work places), people literally have to confront themselves with how they feel about YOU changing. It's crazy. The psychology of it all.

[GreenTealael 24,852]

I know I'm not going crazy... I stopped by because the post said stigmata...

VSG2017 HW 249 SW 238 CW 169

[Frustr8 7,886]

Stigma maybe, stigmata very doubtful unless your side and the palms of your hands are bleeding.

[Michelleintheoc1 15]

I can totally relate to what you are saying. I told a few friends I was "thinking about it" and the reaction i got was negative. Some examples are :

- That's crazy, I would never do that!

- Just exercise & eat right

- People die from the surgery

- People gain weight back after the surgery

- You won't be able to eat what you want

And the list goes on.....

So I chose to not tell anyone except 2 people. I find a lot of strength here on this board & a friend I talk to, which I met on this board. She is my biggest support system & I am so grateful.

Just a suggestion, only discuss it with supportive people in your life. It's your life and you can do what you want with it.

Kind of a related story;

About 12 years ago I saved up & got a "nose job". I always had a very big nose, but I was very afraid of the pain after surgery & the surgery itself. When i finally decided to do it; people told me I didn't need it, your crazy, that's the nose God gave you, you will be in a lot of pain... etc. Basically not supportive. I did it anyway and I'm so glad i did!!! I love my new nose and am no longer self conscience looking people face to face and talking to them, like I used to be. Yes, there was pain afterwards, but It was worth it to me.

I KIND OF view this the same way. People may not be supportive, but we all have to do what's right for ourselves!

[Tracy1978 113]

32 minutes ago, Frustr8 said:

Stigma maybe, stigmata very doubtful unless your side and the palms of your hands are bleeding.

I mean no disrespect, but the word has several meanings. I meant to associate having weight loss surgery to wearing a scarlet letter for instance. A symbol of disgrace, like what I am doing is wrong.

(via dictonary.com)

Stigma, noun, plural stig·ma·ta [stig-muh-tuh, stig-mah-tuh, -mat-uh] /ˈstɪg mə tə, stɪgˈmɑ tə, -ˈmæt ə/,stig·mas.

1. a mark of disgrace or infamy; a stain or reproach, as on one's reputation.
2. Medicine/Medical.
   1. a mental or physical mark that is characteristic of a defect or disease:the stigmata of leprosy.
   2. a place or point on the skin that bleeds during certain mental states, as in hysteria.
3. Zoology.
   1. a small mark, spot, or pore on an animal or organ.
   2. the eyespot of a protozoan.
   3. an entrance into the respiratory system of insects.

[GreenTealael 24,852]

I came here for meaning #5...

VSG2017 HW 249 SW 238 CW 169

[Tracy1978 113]

5 minutes ago, Tealael said:

I came here for meaning #5...

VSG2017 HW 249 SW 238 CW 169

Sorry to disappoint!!!! LOL

[GreenTealael 24,852]

Sorry to disappoint!!!! LOL

But I'm staying for support...

VSG2017 HW 249 SW 238 CW 169

[Frustr8 7,886]

There is nothing shameful for trying to better yourself. You don't deserve a scarlet letter, rather you deserve a shining twinkling 🌟. If others don't understand that it's a lack in them, not you. Continue on your path, for you might be an inspiration for someone to start their own.😝👍🍀

[Sosewsue61 3,185]

Oh eff them all......start asking them personal questions, shuts them up really fast - 'so how was your last appointment at the gyno?' (proctologist, prostrate exam, ear wax removal, root canal) 'how much money did your ex get in the divorce anyway? That much, huh?

Somehow weight issues get an open season on opinions that are no one's beeswax.

[PrayingForWeightLoss 337]

Tracy I can certainly understand how this can be very annoying when you have people giving you unsolicited advice and comments. As someone who has been obese most of my life, I have out up with so much "diet advice " without even asking for it. I had a sleeve done July last year and went down from 233 to now 156lbs. The only person who knows I heard it done is my husband. I didn't want to deal with ignorant comments from people. When people ask me how I lost the weight I just tell them I took charge of my health which is true, I quickly shut down those conversations because I don't owe anybody an explanation. Keep pressing with your goals and take charge of your health. You already on track. Best wishes with your surgery.

[Jingle123423 165]

2 hours ago, Tealael said:

I know I'm not going crazy... I stopped by because the post said stigmata...

VSG2017 HW 249 SW 238 CW 169

You are an absolute ace, Tealael.

[allwet 868]

i know it is an individual decision to tell or not to to tell but i strongly believe the less you talk about it pre-op the better off you are.

you can always talk later but you can never untell (i know its not a word) someone and you are vulnerable pre-op to the extreme and sometimes nasty comments of co-workers and sadly family

I am sorry you are surrounded by so my idiots, hang in there and in a few months they will be pulling you aside and asking if was hard cause they are thinking about it now.

The best revenge is success.