Family not supportive

[TexasMommy80 297]

I am starting the process for the gastric sleeve on January 9th, and if I am lucky , I am looking at an April surgery date. My family is not supportive though. Saying that, they are not rude about it and don’t outright say not to do it, they just generally ignore the topic.
My whole family is large, with all of us weighing just over 200 pounds. Of the three girls, I have always weighed the most (5’6 and 239 lbs right now). I have yo-yo dieted all of my life and I am ready to do something more stable.
I felt amazing when I weighed 160-170 pounds, and I miss the feeling of not being tired and having more energy. I miss working out without my knees screaming at me, and I want to save my right knee from a TKR, like I had on my left knee at just 36 years old. I want to play with our three year old and feel more confident in my relationship that I’ve been in for the past five years. I have a million reasons why I should have this surgery, but it is as if my family thinks that I should just be content as I am. They don’t see the need, and I don’t see why.
So at 37 years old, I am taking the time to focus on me. I am taking this step and making the change, with or without the support. I may schedule counseling sessions for a few months after the surgery, depending on how I am feeling mentally, and especially if the lack of support continues. Time will tell and I hope things change, but who knows at this point.
Goodness, I am so ready for this, I wish it was April already! [emoji123][emoji123][emoji123]

[Jaimeed3 6]

My family is the same way. It makes it very hard.

[Healthy_life2 8,330]

1 hour ago, TexasMommy80 said:

I am starting the process for the gastric sleeve on January 9th, and if I am lucky , I am looking at an April surgery date. My family is not supportive though. Saying that, they are not rude about it and don’t outright say not to do it, they just generally ignore the topic.
My whole family is large, with all of us weighing just over 200 pounds. Of the three girls, I have always weighed the most (5’6 and 239 lbs right now). I have yo-yo dieted all of my life and I am ready to do something more stable.
I felt amazing when I weighed 160-170 pounds, and I miss the feeling of not being tired and having more energy. I miss working out without my knees screaming at me, and I want to save my right knee from a TKR, like I had on my left knee at just 36 years old. I want to play with our three year old and feel more confident in my relationship that I’ve been in for the past five years. I have a million reasons why I should have this surgery, but it is as if my family thinks that I should just be content as I am. They don’t see the need, and I don’t see why.
So at 37 years old, I am taking the time to focus on me. I am taking this step and making the change, with or without the support. I may schedule counseling sessions for a few months after the surgery, depending on how I am feeling mentally, and especially if the lack of support continues. Time will tell and I hope things change, but who knows at this point.
Goodness, I am so ready for this, I wish it was April already!

Give them time. This is a major surgery.It may be fear is why they don't address it. You have our support here.

from their perspective they are large and are happy and content. Do you think it might be possible that they don't want to think about their own weight issues? Just thought.... I could be wrong.

Get ready April will be here soon!!!

[JLT281 13]

When they see the results I'm sure they will feel differently. I was the last of my siblings to get the surgery. Both my sisters had it done and were successful with the weight loss. I just waited too long to get it done.

[FluffyChix 17,418]

It's possible they are not only afraid for you, but subconsciously resist the change that will happen in the family dynamic. There may also be some competitiveness as well. Keep doing your thing! ((hugs)) and welcome!

[SouthernGirl76 74]

Do what makes you happy! They will come around.

[Biddy zz 🏳️🌈 1,004]

Good on you for looking inside, and holding on to your needs, wants, desires.

Families are complex places for us to live! Each member is acting on their own fears, insecurities, thinking - as well as yours too, but it is complicated.

My view (I am a psychologist, by the way) is hold on to your dreams, hopes. Search for support amongst friends, people who can put your needs first just this time, not battle their own needs. Focus on your needs, but also just accept your family for who they are - if you can pull that off, you will be happy for it!

All the best. Like you I was so much happier at about 170lbs, and can’t wait to be back!

Edited December 26, 2017 by Biddynz

[Youcangirl3 23]

It’s not their decision. You have to do it for you.

[Creekimp13 5,841]

At the end of the day....as sad as this is....it might be more about them being unwilling to face their weight issues....than about you getting the surgery.

They also might just be scared for you.

But yeah...when the fat dynamic changes....that'll unnerve them. That's their problem...not yours.

Do what's healthy and feels right to you and don't worry about their choices. I personally think you're on the right track:)

[LaLaLee 11]

I agree with a previous poster... they have fear of what is constant and content within your family. They may even be a little jealous that you have the courage to do something drastic about it. Will you just leave them behind? kinda mentality.

I think you just move forward and not concentrate on them as much right now. For you and for them. The more you talk about it to them the more uncomfortable you make them. Now one of them is going to be the heaviest.

This could be a great thing for them in the end and they join you!!!


SW 272 sleeve 12/19/17 CW 250

[tennisboy11 15]

I am starting the process for the gastric sleeve on January 9th, and if I am lucky , I am looking at an April surgery date. My family is not supportive though. Saying that, they are not rude about it and don’t outright say not to do it, they just generally ignore the topic.
My whole family is large, with all of us weighing just over 200 pounds. Of the three girls, I have always weighed the most (5’6 and 239 lbs right now). I have yo-yo dieted all of my life and I am ready to do something more stable.
I felt amazing when I weighed 160-170 pounds, and I miss the feeling of not being tired and having more energy. I miss working out without my knees screaming at me, and I want to save my right knee from a TKR, like I had on my left knee at just 36 years old. I want to play with our three year old and feel more confident in my relationship that I’ve been in for the past five years. I have a million reasons why I should have this surgery, but it is as if my family thinks that I should just be content as I am. They don’t see the need, and I don’t see why.
So at 37 years old, I am taking the time to focus on me. I am taking this step and making the change, with or without the support. I may schedule counseling sessions for a few months after the surgery, depending on how I am feeling mentally, and especially if the lack of support continues. Time will tell and I hope things change, but who knows at this point.
Goodness, I am so ready for this, I wish it was April already! [emoji123][emoji123][emoji123]

I’m the same age and have the same situation. Not that they are against me but certainly not encouraging and supportive like I hoped. At the end of the day this is our journey and not theirs and it really doesn’t matter if they are supportive or not, our doctors have our backs and there are tons of meet up and support groups so don’t let others hold you back. Best of luck!!

[herpaderpina 1]

I found that my larger family members are not supportive. I wonder if their own weight and fears have anything to do with it.

[TexasMommy80 297]

Good news! My parents and my boyfriend have started to come around more to the idea of the sleeve. My mom may even go to my first appointment with me, just as another set of ears and perhaps she might have questions that I don’t think to ask.

I feel a bit better about it now, and am excited to get started.

[Creekimp13 5,841]

Excellent! My mom was scared to death at first....she's my biggest cheerleader now:) (with the possible exception of my long suffering hubby and adult daughter....might be a three way tie)

So glad you're getting the support you deserve:)

Edited December 31, 2017 by Creekimp13

[TexasMommy80 297]

Excellent! My mom was scared to death at first....she's my biggest cheerleader now:) (with the possible exception of my long suffering hubby and adult daughter....might be a three way tie)
So glad you're getting the support you deserve:)

Thank you! [emoji3][emoji3]