I don't understand (goal weight rant)

[anonemouse 1]

Why do so many bandsters set their goal weights so high? I mean, many of the ones that I've seen aren't anywhere near a healthy weight. Yes, it might be healthier than their starting weight, but it still isn't a normal weight. Is it a fear of failure? Is it because the doctors set their patients' goal weights high in order to fudge their weight-loss statistics? Why not aim for a healthy weight? Why aim for a weight that is still considered to be "obese," in many cases?

I can understand someone deciding that the weight they are currently at is one that they feel good at, but I just don't understand making the logic of "well, I just wouldn't look right if I weighed less than X pounds."

[Jachut 487]

I had a rant about this the other day and deleted it because it wasnt in this section and I had second thoughts.

But here I go again.

Completely agree with you Laurend, completely.

I am all for a weight you can MAINTAIN. And older ladies can look better just a tad heavier.

But it really bugs me when someone says "well, I'm just speakign for ME, but I think x weight is anorexic looking". Firstly, you cant say I'm just speaking for me and then say something insulting, you dont get away with that!

And secondly, normal healthy weight is NOT anorexic looking.

I really see it as dysfunctional. Its as if people think they and they alone have special dispensation to weigh 20 or 30lb more than their healthy weight and by some miracle, just for them alone, it wont be overweight, it'll be perfect. No. That's not true. Overweight is overweight no matter HOW you cut it. Being 30lb overweight is "healthier" than being 100lb overweight but its STILL overweight.

And if you have been normal weight and for some unfathomable reason you think you're too thin (I'd question that, I'd say you have self image issues, not that you're really too thin at normal weight) then fine, but dont go telling other people that its too thin. Chickie's thread set me off on this the other day and the more I think about it the angrier I get.

There's also a bit of sour grapes to it I think, that those who have adopted healthy eating and exercise routines and stuck to them and get really EXCELLENT results - people make excuses for why they *choose* not to do it (oh, I'm sickly looking at that weight) rather than face up to the fact that they havent quite managed it, as well as they have done, and they make narky remarks and justify it to themselves.

I think its all the reasons you said - fear of failure, fear of not being able to maintain it, and especially its some weird not allowing yourself to be successful because you're fat and you dont deserve to be successful thing going on.

I could sympathise with all that and agree that yep, a more moderate goal is probably a good thing if it werent for the nasty comments about how "x weight is just sickly skinny, but I'm only speaking for ME" and the obvious assumption that those who have gotten to a low normal weight are somehow cheating to obtain that.

[kagoscuba 0]

My goal weight is 180, and when I make it to that, I will be about 15 pounds over my "ideal" weight for my height. However, as a man, that weight will make me have about 12% bodyfat, which will be very healthy. Considering I LOVE strength conditioning, I'll never make my ideal weight until I am unable to work out anymore. To me, that's a good problem to have!

My wife sometimes says she's going to miss her Teddy-Bear, but I tell her it's about time she cuddled up next to a panther.

[Marimaru 7]

Jacqui, you really should stop holding back and tell us how you really feel.

My goal is between 140 and 155 which is within "healthy" for my height and whatnot. I've told myself that when I get to 160 I will re-evaluate and see what I think.

I do think that "healthy weight" is something that should be taken with a grain of salt. My sister weighs 125 or so right now I think, and I know that I would not look good at that weight. Her and I have different builds, she holds NO weight in her chest, whereas I do, etc. But I think 140 would be good and healthy.

[Jachut 487]

Yes, I'm so shy and retiring, lol.

[*JASMINE* 1]

I think that it is because of the fear of failure. At least it was this way for me. I had originally set my goal for 150lbs. When I reached that, I changed it to 145lbs. Then it was 135lbs. I think some of us like to take baby steps. Ideally, I would love to be 120lbs. I didn't set that goal because I have made peace with the fact that I just wasn't meant to be that thin.

[phyllisc 0]

I think more than just a number goes into making an ideal weight for an individual. There is such a thing as heavy bones. Some people are more muscular than others. Where one carries their weight has a lot to do with whether it is healthy or not. Two people of the same height and gender can look totally different depending on their own physical make up. The same goes for how healthy they are.

Of course there is a healthy range, but I think that range can cover a lot more territory than those height and weight charts commonly used.

[Jachut 487]

You dont really know that your bones are heavy though, most people use that as an excuse.

That's the other thing I want to whinge about, lol.

The old "oh, we measured my lean body mass and its 194lb (even though my highest healthy weight is 160) so that's what my goal is. And the idiot doctors who support this.

No. Sorry. Do you really believe that by some miracle you've spent 20 years overeating and not exercising but you have MORE muscle and lean tissue than an average person of your size? 194lb of lean body tissue does not mean you're in great shape, it means your body has had to develop that to support your extra weight. And when you lose extra weight, you WILL lose a lot of that lean tissue as well. So you will not get to 194lb and have 194lb of lean body tissue, you will get to 194lb and have maybe 130lb of lean body tissue and wait for it, TOO MUCH fat.

Argh. That one REALLY gets to me. As does heavy bones. You dont have bones 30 lb heavier than the average person, sorry to say. It may justify a *little* extra weight, as might excess skin. But not 30lb.

The healthy weight range for my height is 138 to 179lb. I can tell you that at 179lb I am plenty well covered and curvy, I still consider myself fat. And I've never been 138, I dont have a super lean body type like that, 163 as I am now is getting thin but still quite well covered. But in a range that big, there is PLENTY of scope for your extra padding if you dont want to be skinny, for your heavy bones if you believe you have those and for your extra skin. There is STILL no "justification" for actually being overweigh because you somehow have a special *need* to be.

[phyllisc 0]

Yes, I do know that I have heavy bones. My bones are thick and dense. I am plenty fat, but I am also more muscular than most fat women. I don't have a lot of visceral fat. My Dr. told me that after he did my surgery. Right now I have 5.5cc's in my 4cc band because I don't have a thick fat pad around my stomach to take up the slack.

[Manatee 3]

Well, for me the goal weight is just some random number pulled from the BMI charts. I don't know if it's reasonable or not, especially given the strength training I'm doing. Certainly it's adjustable based on how I look and feel when I get near it. If I think I look great @ 170, that's where I stop. If I'm still pudgy at 160, then I'll keep going. Mostly likely everyone's goal is similarly chosen and variable.

[Alexandra 55]

This is one of the reasons I never post a goal weight--I don't even HAVE a goal weight. Everyone has their own ideas of what "goal" means to them, and it just isn't necessarily a number. So why compare at all?

Laurend, fear of failure absolutely has something to do with it. I'm all for a goal weight I can maintain, as Jackie said, and I KNOW beyond the shadow of a doubt that unless I spend all my time thinking about my weight and working on my body I would not be able to maintain a weight of [insert number here]. I simply do not want to live my life that way, especially because it's someone else's idea of "goal" and not mine.

Why on earth should I set myself up for failure just because someone has a different yardstick than I do?

There is STILL no "justification" for actually being overweigh because you somehow have a special *need* to be.

How about being "overweight" just because we might be happy that way?

[Jachut 487]

For sure.

I'm talking more about when people justify it to others. Like if you want to be a certain weight, that's NOBODY's business but your own and I"m all for it. We need realistic goals and ones that make us happy personally.

What gets my goat more is when people go further than that and call you anorexic or unattractively "skinny" because you're a normal healthy weight.

Or they dont say, I want to weigh 190 becuase I feel I can maintain it and I like the way I look there. They "justify" it by saying my bones are heavy (like 40lb heavy, I dont think so) or I have lots of muscle (yes, if you're Ms Universe, you might have enough muscle to take you over your healthy weight range by 40lb without also being fat, but its highly highly unlikely for the average person). To be honest, the person who can weigh 40lb above average and not be too fat as well is a genetic freak.

Just say it, already. I want to weigh X even though its still overweight because I want to set myself a manageable goal that I know I can reach and maintain. Not I want to weigh X because I"m a genetic freak and the only person alive who can weight that and not be overweight and all you normal weight people look ugly and scrawny.

[Manatee 3]

Maybe they do it just to piss you off? Rude people are rude people regardless of the subject.

2 factors really

1) At least here, overweight really is normal these days. That distorts the mind, and so "normal" weight by the charts starts to look a bit strange. Not a good thing, but a fact. A few weeks ago I went to a vintage WW2 aircraft show and got to climb though a B-17. There was a placard in that plane that said "max crew weight 1200 lbs". I asked the captain what the number of crew was it carried back then. 10 people. Can you image an adult male weighing 120 pounds these days? Talk about skinny and anorexic!

2) I don't think most fat folks have any clue about what weight they should be aiming for. I was almost 300 lbs at my heaviest. 160 is WAY down there, almost unimaginable at the beginning of this journey. If some doc told me I was headed to 120, I would have laughed him out of the office.

[anonemouse 1]

Maybe they do it just to piss you off? Rude people are rude people regardless of the subject.

2 factors really

1) At least here, overweight really is normal these days. That distorts the mind, and so "normal" weight by the charts starts to look a bit strange. Not a good thing, but a fact. A few weeks ago I went to a vintage WW2 aircraft show and got to climb though a B-17. There was a placard in that plane that said "max crew weight 1200 lbs". I asked the captain what the number of crew was it carried back then. 10 people. Can you image an adult male weighing 120 pounds these days? Talk about skinny and anorexic!

2) I don't think most fat folks have any clue about what weight they should be aiming for. I was almost 300 lbs at my heaviest. 160 is WAY down there, almost unimaginable at the beginning of this journey. If some doc told me I was headed to 120, I would have laughed him out of the office.

I really think that it is a height thing, though, for some people. For you, 160 pounds is a completely healthy weight. If you weighed 120 pounds, you'd have a BMI of somewhere around 17, which is considered to be significantly underweight. If I had a goal weight of 160 pounds, my BMI would be over 28. Which, at this point, would be nice, but it's still significantly overweight for my height. At 120 pounds, I would have a BMI of over 21, which is still squarely within my healthy weight range.

[Jachut 487]

Yes, I totally agree with both points - we are totally warped by the degree of obesity in our society and dont recognise normal any more.

I need to reinforce too that I do not have any problem at all with whatever anyone wishes to weigh.

I just think a bit of honesty with self and others is called for, realise why it is that you set a particular goal and if it is still overweight, own that. Dont make excuses for it, be proud of your achievement but be honest that you dont wish to make the lifestyle changes that would be necessary to really maintain a weight more on the low side of your healthy weight range. Because when you have been very overweight, it does take a LOT of work to get to that sort of place and stay there.