Absolutely Terrified of my impending procedure this Tuesday

[Jheckman1986 14]

My anxiety has only increased since last night and i feel like either way this is a death sentence... I feel absolutely terrible and i feel like this is my last day on earth!

[Iconcinnity 210]

My anxiety has only increased since last night and i feel like either way this is a death sentence... I feel absolutely terrible and i feel like this is my last day on earth!

This is the last day you will be this version of you. You're only a day away from a healthier, stronger, brighter version of you. You got this!

Sent from my LG-TP450 using BariatricPal mobile app

[celticNgel 144]

Jacob, maybe you should ask yourself if you are ready for this? I believe that if you don't have the right state of mind you may not, in a healthy manner. You have to give yourself permission to do what is right for you.

Mind you I DO NOT BELIEVE YOU WILL DIE IF YOU GO THROUGH WITH IT, but this intense fear can't be good for you. What would happen if you did step back? I know I wouldn't, because I have to save my life, and I don't allow myself to cave to my anxiety. if I did I would be running for the rest of my life. I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I need a new life, a new script. My life is one filled with pain and anxiety because of a broken neck. I lost myself to chronic pain for the last 12 years and I won't do it anymore.

What can YOU live with? You walked in there initially and agreed to the surgery for some reason. Can you still live with that guy?

[Jheckman1986 14]

1 minute ago, celticNgel said:

Jacob, maybe you should ask yourself if you are ready for this? I believe that if you don't have the right state of mind you may not, in a healthy manner. You have to give yourself permission to do what is right for you.

Mind you I DO NOT BELIEVE YOU WILL DIE IF YOU GO THROUGH WITH IT, but this intense fear can't be good for you. What would happen if you did step back? I know I wouldn't, because I have to save my life, and I don't allow myself to cave to my anxiety. if I did I would be running for the rest of my life. I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I need a new life, a new script. My life is one filled with pain and anxiety because of a broken neck. I lost myself to chronic pain for the last 12 years and I won't do it anymore.

What can YOU live with? You walked in there initially and agreed to the surgery for some reason. Can you still live with that guy?

I've been morbidly obese for 20 years now, the only time i was ever skinny was when i was on Ritalin at age 8 and i was dangerously thin. I know i don't have any other choices and my options are non existent at this point. I figure this is my only option before my over eating finally kills me... I know the likelihood of dying on the table is astronomically slim and i have a higher chance of dying in a car accident... I just don't feel like walking away is in the cards!

[lea3277 6]

First off,
Hello, my name is Jacob and i am new to this forum and to this website...
I am scheduled for this Tuesday at 7:30 AM to have a Gastric Bypass procedure done by a Dale A. Sloan in Fort Wayne, Indiana.
He has never lost a patient on the operating table during his 38+ years as a surgeon but i am unsure if he means for WLS or all surgery because he used to do organ transplants and heart surgery as well.

He only accepts the best team members on his surgical team and he has won an award at a Laparoscopic competition.
I am absolutely terrified that i wont wake up, that ill bleed out, that I'll have a heart attack on the table... Just really specific and almost hysterical fears that have left me in a constant state of panic and anxiety all weekend.
In truth i am remarkably healthy and only have Diabetes that requires Meds which i take diligently, i have no known heart issues or blood pressure problems to speak of.
As it says in my profile i am 31 years old, 366 pounds, used to be 400 before the diet to lose 15 pounds.
I had an EKG done and it was completely normal, i didn't get a stress test but i think maybe i should have.
Am i over worrying for no good reason or are my fears justified?
I mean as of now i am writing letters to my loved ones saying my goodbyes and recording a video!
Yes i am that crazy!

I have had 2-3 surgeries almost 17-20 years ago for deviated septum so i know that Anesthesia has advanced quite a bit and i had a colonoscopy less than a year ago!

I'm a basket of anxiety on any given day, but I had band removal and revision to gastric sleeve this past Thursday and I am doing awesome. You just have to put your fears aside and give it to God. I finally decided that I couldn't go on living overweight and miserable with a messed up lapband, so basically either way, having procedure & passing or living miserably with the band/extra weight, was a risk with death as consequence each day. You have a reason to be a little scared - it's a serious surgery- but as long as you've researched and found a good surgical group with whom you feel comfortable, you will be fine. I'm in my early 30's too and can relate to some of what you have mentioned. Don't stop now. You will have a forum of supporters, along with all those family members and friends you wrote letters to, AND your physician group. Go get 'em Jacob. You've got this!!

[celticNgel 144]

Good for you!!! That's what I was hoping you would say. I say this again, YOU GOT THIS! You're not going to die, you'll live in a much healthier manner! Do not let your anxiety own you. You are a strong man who is taking charge of his life.

I've never been thin. I always say that I was born a size 16 and stayed that way. You can yo-yo the rest of your life or stand up and say NO MORE! I WILL NOT LIVE THIS WAY FOR ONE MORE MOMENT! I will be thin, healthy and fit! I will not cave or capitulate, I will take charge of this weight!

Perhaps you can look at this as if your fat is making you anxious right now because it doesn't want to go away and visualize yourself picking up that scalpel and sending it on it's merry way!!!

[Rainbow_Warrior 996]

1 hour ago, Jheckman1986 said:

My anxiety has only increased since last night and i feel like either way this is a death sentence... I feel absolutely terrible and i feel like this is my last day on earth!

Just accept that this is the surgeon that YOU CHOSE and that you thought would change your life for the better. Have faith in your original judgement.

[Jheckman1986 14]

I found out that a guy who runs the YouTube channel Boogie2988 that i watch nearly every week just got done with the surgery and he weighed 580+ pounds before with High blood pressure, lymphodema, numerous mental health issues such as ptsd and bipolar and he survived so far to see the new IT movie. I also saw that movie as a treat before i do this!

I just got done confirming with the phone nurse my medical history and i realized something...

Not just including boogie but also taking into account my uncle who was exposed to agent orange and told numerous times he was going to die but yet he still keeps trucking along, went through a kidney removal, heart surgeries, countless medical issues and he is still alive.

All i have is Diabetes type 2 that has an A1C of 5.2 down from nearly 12 in less than a month after meds and diet, Occasional blood pressure spikes from my Bipolar/Anxiety disorders rearing their heads and moderate psoriasis on my scalp.

Edited September 11, 2017 by Jheckman1986
Forgot to include youtube channel name

[Iconcinnity 210]

Good luck today! It's the first day of the rest of your healthier life!!

Sent from my LG-TP450 using BariatricPal mobile app

[Myaiku_Kuraitani 245]

I understand the being fearful feeling. I actually cried on the operating table right before I passed out from the Anesthesia, because I was so scared I wasn't going to wake up. Two hours later, I woke up in recovery and was fine, aside from the pain I had. Haven't had any complications either. None that weren't able to be fixed by me. Dehydration, for example.

You'll do fine. Especially since you're mostly healthy, aside from being diabetic.

Hw-273
Sw-226
CW-168
GW-130
Surgery Date- April 26th, 2017
RNY
"Only those who try will become" FFX

[celticNgel 144]

PRAYING FOR YOU TODAY JACOB!!! YOU GOT THIS!!!!!

[Jheckman1986 14]

I survived... In a good amount of pain and just started pureed foods. Not a single throw up, haven't passed gas yet nor had a bowel movement but i did take Magnesium citrate on Sunday morning to clear my bowels out so it might be a while.

Just thought i would give everyone a heads up and show my gratitude for the support i have received.

[Walter.Sobchak 978]

pureed food already?
I had to do one week of clear, then one week of full, now I can start puree.

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[JohnnyCakes 593]

31 minutes ago, Jheckman1986 said:

I survived... In a good amount of pain and just started pureed foods. Not a single throw up, haven't passed gas yet nor had a bowel movement but i did take Magnesium citrate on Sunday morning to clear my bowels out so it might be a while.

Just thought i would give everyone a heads up and show my gratitude for the support i have received.

was it as bad as you feared?

[Jheckman1986 14]

3 hours ago, JohnnyCakes said:

was it as bad as you feared?

pureed foods are not that bad really, i am having Tomato bisque tonight with a little Sugar Free Chocolate pudding and some pureed Beans all in a shot glass. As for the surgery itself, they took a ton of precautions before, during and after to ensure i got an excellent outcome