Major Life Changes

[blizair09 3,250]

Hey guys,

For those that haven't heard my story before -- I started my journey March 21, 2016 at 397 pounds with a six month insurance-required diet program. I lost 99 pounds during that six months and weighed 298 on surgery day, September 28, 2016. This morning, I weighed 188 pounds. I am 4 pounds away from a normal BMI and 8 pounds away from my goal of 180 pounds.

Two weeks ago this Saturday, my partner and I ended our relationship after 8.5 years together. Things have been bad for a while and I just never wanted to admit it. He was mad at me for one thing or another every day, and that is no way to live. He actually broke up with me, because as the one of us who makes most of the money and has most of the resources, I would have felt like I was abandoning him. While I am heartbroken, I know it is for the best. I actually owe him a debt for doing it; I never would have done it and would have gone on being unhappy. While the massive weight loss isn't the primary problem, it was a problem for him. He lost about 115 pounds himself (with no surgery), but has gained back about 30 pounds over the past 6 months or so. I probably now weigh 35 pounds or so less than he does. Apparently, much of our identity was wrapped up in me being bigger than him. I knew that, but I didn't know at the same time.

So now, I become a 41 year old single gay man who hasn't been out in that "scene" for over eight years. It's a bit overwhelming. I have completely overhauled myself physically, and I am dealing with the emotional consequences of both that and ending a very long relationship. In mid-June, my ex and I moved from the French Quarter of New Orleans to the outskirts of Huntsville, AL to be with my parents for a little while as my dad has been battling cancer. So, I know no one here. While I am excited about getting back out there, it really is going to be a cold start -- going to the bar by myself and trying to meet people. Admittedly, I am very outgoing, and a good time, but getting this process started is incredibly daunting.

The funny thing is that food consumption is not even an issue. Since this happened, I have actually been eating a little less than I was. (I had gotten my calories up between 1600-1700, and I haven't cracked 1200 in days.) That will bounce back, I'm sure. It is nice to know that I have my food issues under control, and that such a life trauma wouldn't cause problems.

Enough rambling. Does anyone have any advice? I'm flying to Orlando this weekend to go to a friend's birthday party. I have tons of friends two hours away in Nashville (where I went to college and grad school and where I lived for 15 years). I am always welcome with any of them, but I need to be in Huntsville right now which means that I need to make friends here and build a life here. I don't think traveling every weekend will be healthy long-term.

Thanks for reading!

Blair

[RedOrangeSunrise 53]

I don't have any advice, but your strength is remarkable! I am happy for you. Being free of an unhealthy relationship can only lead to good things!

Sent from my Nexus 5X using BariatricPal mobile app

[RedOrangeSunrise 53]

I don't have any advice, but your strength is remarkable! I am happy for you. Being free of an unhealthy relationship can only lead to good things!

Sent from my Nexus 5X using BariatricPal mobile app

PS Oops, this showed up on my timeline and I didn't notice the forum. Sorry for butting into the LGBT space. Still wishing you the best. Straight ally, out.

Sent from my Nexus 5X using BariatricPal mobile app

[blizair09 3,250]

1 minute ago, RedOrangeSunrise said:

PS Oops, this showed up on my timeline and I didn't notice the forum. Sorry for butting into the LGBT space. Still wishing you the best. Straight ally, out.

Sent from my Nexus 5X using BariatricPal mobile app

Thank you for your reply. The LGBT space seemed to be the best place to put it, but I welcome input from anyone and everyone.

Have a great Thursday!

[K_aane 356]

Hey guys,
For those that haven't heard my story before -- I started my journey March 21, 2016 at 397 pounds with a six month insurance-required diet program. I lost 99 pounds during that six months and weighed 298 on surgery day, September 28, 2016. This morning, I weighed 188 pounds. I am 4 pounds away from a normal BMI and 8 pounds away from my goal of 180 pounds.
Two weeks ago this Saturday, my partner and I ended our relationship after 8.5 years together. Things have been bad for a while and I just never wanted to admit it. He was mad at me for one thing or another every day, and that is no way to live. He actually broke up with me, because as the one of us who makes most of the money and has most of the resources, I would have felt like I was abandoning him. While I am heartbroken, I know it is for the best. I actually owe him a debt for doing it; I never would have done it and would have gone on being unhappy. While the massive weight loss isn't the primary problem, it was a problem for him. He lost about 115 pounds himself (with no surgery), but has gained back about 30 pounds over the past 6 months or so. I probably now weigh 35 pounds or so less than he does. Apparently, much of our identity was wrapped up in me being bigger than him. I knew that, but I didn't know at the same time.
So now, I become a 41 year old single gay man who hasn't been out in that "scene" for over eight years. It's a bit overwhelming. I have completely overhauled myself physically, and I am dealing with the emotional consequences of both that and ending a very long relationship. In mid-June, my ex and I moved from the French Quarter of New Orleans to the outskirts of Huntsville, AL to be with my parents for a little while as my dad has been battling cancer. So, I know no one here. While I am excited about getting back out there, it really is going to be a cold start -- going to the bar by myself and trying to meet people. Admittedly, I am very outgoing, and a good time, but getting this process started is incredibly daunting.
The funny thing is that food consumption is not even an issue. Since this happened, I have actually been eating a little less than I was. (I had gotten my calories up between 1600-1700, and I haven't cracked 1200 in days.) That will bounce back, I'm sure. It is nice to know that I have my food issues under control, and that such a life trauma wouldn't cause problems.
Enough rambling. Does anyone have any advice? I'm flying to Orlando this weekend to go to a friend's birthday party. I have tons of friends two hours away in Nashville (where I went to college and grad school and where I lived for 15 years). I am always welcome with any of them, but I need to be in Huntsville right now which means that I need to make friends here and build a life here. I don't think traveling every weekend will be healthy long-term.
Thanks for reading!
Blair

I commend you on taking charge of your life and making the best choices. Even though they were hard, you did the right thing. In this life of which we only get one, you must remember this: I can't make anyone else happy unless I am happy." Put yourself first in this new journey you are embarking on. Take your time, savor the moments, be blessed by those who come into your life. Take the time to pamper yourself and be good to your body. You have done an amazing job of transforming it into a healthy version, do not lose sight of that. This is something I say to people looking for advise in life. (I am 57 and married 38 yrs to my best friend so I am allowed, lol) and this goes for straight or gay. "Do not settle." Set your bar on what you want in life and what you are going to give. Your next partner should be able to meet or exceed that bar you set." Go into your new chapter of life with your eyes wide open and embrace it all. All things happen for a reason, to lead us to where we are suppose to be at each given moment. Yeah I might sound like a hallmark card but it's true. Follow your heart and do what you love and what makes you happy. [emoji4]
I hope this helps. Btw, hi from a native of New Orleans, now a Northshore resident.
Huggsss

HW 274 SW 263 GW 125 GASTRIC SLEEVE 7/21/17. Height 5'1"

[blizair09 3,250]

11 minutes ago, K_aane said:

I commend you on taking charge of your life and making the best choices. Even though they were hard, you did the right thing. In this life of which we only get one, you must remember this: I can't make anyone else happy unless I am happy." Put yourself first in this new journey you are embarking on. Take your time, savor the moments, be blessed by those who come into your life. Take the time to pamper yourself and be good to your body. You have done an amazing job of transforming it into a healthy version, do not lose sight of that. This is something I say to people looking for advise in life. (I am 57 and married 38 yrs to my best friend so I am allowed, lol) and this goes for straight or gay. "Do not settle." Set your bar on what you want in life and what you are going to give. Your next partner should be able to meet or exceed that bar you set." Go into your new chapter of life with your eyes wide open and embrace it all. All things happen for a reason, to lead us to where we are suppose to be at each given moment. Yeah I might sound like a hallmark card but it's true. Follow your heart and do what you love and what makes you happy.
I hope this helps. Btw, hi from a native of New Orleans, now a Northshore resident.
Huggsss

HW 274 SW 263 GW 125 GASTRIC SLEEVE 7/21/17. Height 5'1"

Thank you for this. And you are right. It's a period of transition, but I will be okay.

I love SE Louisiana -- always will. I'm getting back to NOLA for Labor Day weekend, and I can't wait!

[Sosewsue61 3,185]

Good luck to you. Your journey has been fabulous.

Breakups suck. Dating scene, straight or gay is never easy to master in a new place. Do you have hobbies? Maybe start looking in like-minded areas - hiking, biking, theater groups, computer gaming, meetup groups maybe. Personally hate the bar scene thing when I was single back in my 40's.

Good luck and you are a good son for coming home to care for your parents.

[Ldyvenus 317]

Blizair you are one of my favorite BP posters. An inspiration to all of us. I'm sorry to hear about your father. After you've given yourself time to be sad, Tinder and local Meetups are probably your best bet. Good luck!

[defibvt 348]

Best of luck Blair... sorry to hear about your relationship.... and your dad... Thanks for sharing your story.

[Joann454 1,329]

I've wondered where you'd been. Our stories are eerily similar (minus the WLS at the time).
I was in a ten year relationship and she ended it. I too was grateful and heartbroken at the same time. I moved in with my parents at 47 because we decided to sell the house. My mom was diagnosed with cancer right after. All of it ended up being such a blessing in disguise. I was able to take care of my mom until she passed, shortly after I met the love of my life and remarried. It's scary and exciting all at once.
I hope your story has a wonderful next chapter. xo

[blizair09 3,250]

5 hours ago, Joann454 said:

I've wondered where you'd been. Our stories are eerily similar (minus the WLS at the time).
I was in a ten year relationship and she ended it. I too was grateful and heartbroken at the same time. I moved in with my parents at 47 because we decided to sell the house. My mom was diagnosed with cancer right after. All of it ended up being such a blessing in disguise. I was able to take care of my mom until she passed, shortly after I met the love of my life and remarried. It's scary and exciting all at once.
I hope your story has a wonderful next chapter. xo

Thanks for your reply. I like the idea of the next chapter. And the exciting part is all the possibilities for it. It starts this weekend!

[Joann454 1,329]

Thanks for your reply. [emoji4] I like the idea of the next chapter. And the exciting part is all the possibilities for it. It starts this weekend!

Ooh! That's exciting! Have fun [emoji6]

[Dabearo 118]

Blair! I just want to reach out to you give you a big ole bear hug. I'm still a big ole bear. I've missed your post on this site and have wondered where you have been. You always have great tips.

You have a lot rolling around in your head and life. Take one day at a time and when that does not work take one hour at a time. I remember having to do this when my mom was dying. I'd have to think and remind myself, "this is all I can do and think about at this split second" and that was ok and I got through it. some days second by second.

Super hard and super sucks. New chapters are a good thing ( Martha Stewart's voice)

[blizair09 3,250]

45 minutes ago, Dabearo said:

Blair! I just want to reach out to you give you a big ole bear hug. I'm still a big ole bear. I've missed your post on this site and have wondered where you have been. You always have great tips.

You have a lot rolling around in your head and life. Take one day at a time and when that does not work take one hour at a time. I remember having to do this when my mom was dying. I'd have to think and remind myself, "this is all I can do and think about at this split second" and that was ok and I got through it. some days second by second.

Super hard and super sucks. New chapters are a good thing ( Martha Stewart's voice)

Thank you for the sweet message! Every day, I am finding that things are getting better, and I am rebounding from all of it much faster than I have expected. I have made some cool new friends in my new city, and we had one hell of a fun weekend last weekend. I met tons of people. Being single is not going to be a bad thing at all. In fact, I'm going to rock it!!