Not telling Mom/some others....opinions

[ProfessorSlim 115]

Just wondering what anyone's opinion is on not telling certain people in your life that you are getting the sleeve surgery. My Mom is 81, and I know she will start the "You don't need that, just get on a healthy diet....etc...etc" I am a grown up 50 yr old woman, I am a nurse, I have a full life with my kids and partner....and I really just do not feel like dealing with the opinion/dissapproival/comments etc. Yes, i can tell her and deal with the commentary etc....I just do not feel like it. Yet, I do feel a bit odd if I do not tell her I am having fairly major surgery.

I am basically venting, but I would really love to hear opinions on those who chose to not tell certain folks in their lives. Thanks!!

[Missy161 395]

I have only told my husband and one of my 4 children- my kids are 13,16, 18 & 20. I told the 18 year old. I also told 2 friends at work and 2 close friends out of work. That's it. Hubby told his family and they blabbed it to everyone.
He still feels like he gets weird looks from people and comments like he took the easy way out- believe me this is not easy and he has so many complications.
So no- only tell people you trust. It is no ones business but yours. No one else has a right to know.
If you feel like you have to tell her something make up another surgery. I told people I was having surgery to fix my bile ducts and a haiatal hernia. I have ended up in the hospital once or twice a year for bile ducts in my liver being clogged. The dr said losing weight might help that so technically this surgery will fix that (lol).
I hope this helps.


Mich W
Hw 223, SW 217 CW 195 GW 135

[ProfessorSlim 115]

Thank you, it is reassuring to hear I am not alone in this. i don't want this to be the "focus" of me, at work, or within my extended family, Mom, etc. I am on the fence about my kids, for a few reasons, but I hate feeling like a liar as well. Not with Mom or work, etc, but with my kids 12, 15, 18.....Still thinking on that one.

[ready2bgreat 12]

Mine is scheduled next week, My husband knows.. it took him a while to get behind it. My BFF knows and my boss knows. As for everyone else.. NO! People seem to feel very free to share their opinions with me and have no problem berating me, This is for me and I am not going to ask anyone's permission and don't want their input. I am on the liquid preop diet now so I am just joking with everyone that it is my "new Diet" since they have seen me diet 100's of times. They think my time off is just to go visit a friend out of town. I don't really feel dishonest I just feel like I am taking care of myself physically and mentally.

[erisp 28]

Just wondering what anyone's opinion is on not telling certain people in your life that you are getting the sleeve surgery. My Mom is 81, and I know she will start the "You don't need that, just get on a healthy diet....etc...etc" I am a grown up 50 yr old woman, I am a nurse, I have a full life with my kids and partner....and I really just do not feel like dealing with the opinion/dissapproival/comments etc. Yes, i can tell her and deal with the commentary etc....I just do not feel like it. Yet, I do feel a bit odd if I do not tell her I am having fairly major surgery.
I am basically venting, but I would really love to hear opinions on those who chose to not tell certain folks in their lives. Thanks!!

Im not telling my mom either. My mom would say the EXACT same thing as yours, however she is the nurse. I don't need the negativity! My husband, two sisters, and a friend know. That's enough support for me.

RNY scheduled for 8/17/17

[PrayingForWeightLoss 337]

Sleeved 5 days ago and only my husband knows. When I was on the preop diet, coworkers were giving me unsolicited opinions daily. I told them I was trying the Keto diet. Well, did I get lectured or what about why and what I was doing was wrong. Everybody suddenly became a diet expert. It made me realize I made the best decision by not telling them about the surgery. I would have had to endure lifetime lectures from them. Never mind that some of them could use this surgery too.

[Romaina 3]

OK, so maybe my case is a bit different. I had my surgery a weeks ago and my dietary program pre surgery was really restrictive (3w solid high Protein low carb diets + 3w liquid diets), I work in a office environment and we all share a kitchen, everyone was going to notice something wasn't right.
Any way, I didn't want to feel like my surgery was something to be hidden or even ashamed of.
At first some people at the office tried to talk me out of it saying I didn't need it, I wasn't big enough that sort of thing but I really did not care a bit. After they saw how hard the pre op diet was and I told them of the post op diet nobody dared to say it was the easy way out.
I think most of my closed friends and family that commented on my choice did it mostly out of fear for the surgery risks than anything else and seem to quiet down about it once I explained my reasoning and the surgery in detail to them.
After everyone kind of got used to the idea, the support was enormous! Both at the office and at home, it really was a huge help getting through those 3 weeks of liquid diet.
In the end, I was just sooooo happy and exited when the day of the surgery was getting close that everyone around me saw it was the best choice for me.
Also, how was I going to explain taking 2w off (presumably for vacation) and returning weighting 20 pounds less? And then eating sooooo little and just so food! It just seemed like a snowball of a lie.
This is just my experience and as I said maybe my circumstances are a bit different from yours so any decision you take about it that makes you happy it's the right one.

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[K_aane 356]

Only my husband and my niece who had the surgery knows. I am going on 3 weeks post op and not telling anyone. It's my business my body. My niece said if anyone asks what are you doing to lose say, " I am on a strict diet under my doctors supervision and I count calories and no carbs."It's not a lie and it's best for the cat to stay in the bag than have it get loose.
Ever try to put the cat back in the bag???
Maybe down the line I might talk about wls but gor now mums the word.

HW 274 SW 263 GW 125 GASTRIC SLEEVE 7/21/17. Height 5'1"

[nomorefattypatty 329]

After reading all of your comments I felt like I had to tell you. Italian families are the worst to do things you want do without them saying you're not having surgery and I don't like it. However, I told my mom that I was thinking about it and heard it was really not such a big deal as it used to be. So I let that fact sink in, then I told her I was going to a dietician to see if they could help me learn how to eat right. After about three meetings with the dietician I started to tell her what the dietician told me, that it was more hormonal than it was about dieting. After I let all this sink in to her she started asking me questions about all of this. She never approved me and my idea of having the surgery and every day she came home from work she would tell me horror stories to try to get me to change my mind. I kept telling her that I hadn't made up my mind and I would let her know later if I decide to do it. I have to tell you I live with my parents because my dad has ahlzeimers and dementia so I stay home and care for him on a daily basis. However over the years my mom and I are very close so I have learned how to handle her. I let it all sink in and I eventually told her that I had decided to go ahead with the surgery and I told her I'm also 56 years old and I was so depressed because of my appearance that I hated looking in a mirror or my reflection in a store front window. I finally broke down and let her know how much I hate myself and my body. They also told me that I didn't need it and all I had to do was diet and Portion Control. My binge eating was so bad I would always feel hungry and could never eat enough to feel full
After all that about one month to go til surgery I told her I was definitely having the surgery. I was sleeved on June 21st, this year and a few times I wondered if I did the right thing because for the first month I was miserable. Once I learned how to eat my stomach feels better, I only eat what I need and I feel great! My mom is starting to see my weight loss and I have finally started to part with some of my fat clothes, it was hard because they were my. security blanket when I over ate. However after all this I am so happy I did it and since I started my
HW 238
SW 203
CW 180
I have never been happier and the more weight I lose the more confidence I achieve and even my mom has to admit I'm in much better spirits.

Sent from my N9519 using BariatricPal mobile app

[heycrystal2052 430]

I was very happy when the process started, I didn't hide my plans or the surgery. Prior to the surgery, I read many things where people held back a little, I didn't want that. Amazingly, I was supported at work and w/in my family and friends. However, I was in a relationship for almost four years and that sizzled quickly, due to the lack of support and actually, I felt he began to resent the fact I wanted to get my health in order. I felt he purposely wanted to see me fail so I'd continue to be the same miserable fat girl, low self-esteemed girl, and the girl who didn't gives two craps about her personal outlook. Boy, bye! Along w/ the surgery, that was the best thing that ever could had happened. On my FB, I post many steps w/in my journey along w/ pictures. You'd be amazed at how many people you'll inspire!!

Never be ashamed of your journey, be free!

[Kpw 3]

When I was making my decision for surgery, I did not talk about it with anyone but my husband. It took me (us) over 6 months to make the decision to go ahead with surgery. Once I made the decision I only told my son-26, daughter-28, sister and two close friends. I told them that I had made the decision, wanted to let them know and I was open to any and all questions but I was not asking their opinion. Everyone of them was very supportive. My mother, who is 93 years old and I former RN, I waited until 5 days before my scheduled surgery to tell her I was having the surgery. I was worried about her stress if I told her too soon and also didn't want to have any push back from her because she was fearful of what might happen. In my opinion, this is where most of the unsolicited opinions come from, their fear for you. Well, surprise to me, my Mom was completely positive and supportive. Her only question was did I do my research on the surgeon. After the surgery, I told anyone I wanted. I really don't care what they think, I just didn't want anyone to make me more nervous than I already was about the surgery before hand. I am 4 months out of surgery, and when anyone comments on how much weight I've lost and asks me what I am doing, I am always honest. I have only ever had one negative comment and that was "I know someone who had the surgery and gained all the weight back." Even that comment really just serves as a reality check to me on how this isn't an easy way out and I have to stick to my plan as this is a permanent life change for me. Just FYI, people can surprise you. Maybe because I told them upfront that my decision had been made and I was telling them because I trusted that they will be supportive. Good luck!

[K_aane 356]

After reading all of your comments I felt like I had to tell you. Italian families are the worst to do things you want do without them saying you're not having surgery and I don't like it. However, I told my mom that I was thinking about it and heard it was really not such a big deal as it used to be. So I let that fact sink in, then I told her I was going to a dietician to see if they could help me learn how to eat right. After about three meetings with the dietician I started to tell her what the dietician told me, that it was more hormonal than it was about dieting. After I let all this sink in to her she started asking me questions about all of this. She never approved me and my idea of having the surgery and every day she came home from work she would tell me horror stories to try to get me to change my mind. I kept telling her that I hadn't made up my mind and I would let her know later if I decide to do it. I have to tell you I live with my parents because my dad has ahlzeimers and dementia so I stay home and care for him on a daily basis. However over the years my mom and I are very close so I have learned how to handle her. I let it all sink in and I eventually told her that I had decided to go ahead with the surgery and I told her I'm also 56 years old and I was so depressed because of my appearance that I hated looking in a mirror or my reflection in a store front window. I finally broke down and let her know how much I hate myself and my body. They also told me that I didn't need it and all I had to do was diet and Portion Control. My binge eating was so bad I would always feel hungry and could never eat enough to feel full
After all that about one month to go til surgery I told her I was definitely having the surgery. I was sleeved on June 21st, this year and a few times I wondered if I did the right thing because for the first month I was miserable. Once I learned how to eat my stomach feels better, I only eat what I need and I feel great! My mom is starting to see my weight loss and I have finally started to part with some of my fat clothes, it was hard because they were my. security blanket when I over ate. However after all this I am so happy I did it and since I started my
HW 238
SW 203
CW 180
I have never been happier and the more weight I lose the more confidence I achieve and even my mom has to admit I'm in much better spirits.

Sent from my N9519 using BariatricPal mobile app

I am Italian and I can relate. Good for you! Congrats on your sucess!

HW 274 SW 263 GW 125 GASTRIC SLEEVE 7/21/17. Height 5'1"

[Sassy Sleeve 34]

I had another serious health issue crop up (now thankfully resloved) and that necessitatated putting off my initial WLS assessments. I told my husband when he was accompanying me to an appointment for the other health issue. I knew they would bring up the scheduled bariatric evaluations.
Hubby is reasonably supportive, and worried about complications.
I have told my children. They are older teens. They are living at home. They are supportive.

I have told no one else! And, I don't want to. I made the decision for myself and my health. I never appreciated anyone commenting on my weight or what I was eating before this, and I don't want to hear other's opinions now.

Many members of my family have struggled with their weight. Some have successfully lost weight for a while... I think they would "try" to be supportive, but I think I would quickly become annoyed. Additionally, I don't want this to be a regular topic of discussion.

If a family member or friend is considering WLS, then I would tell them. I don't consider it a secret - just private.

If there are major complications, then people will need to know. However, I believe that all will go reasonably well.

If in the future one of my kids had surgery without telling me, then I would be upset. Also, we have asked the kids not to tell people. Those are the only two things give me pause about my decision to keep the WLS private.





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[PrayingForWeightLoss 337]

Sassy Sleeve you have nailed it! It is private and not a secret. I also chose to keep it private. I had coworker who was diagnosed with cancer a few years ago. She went through treatment and started wearing wigs. I work in healthcare and we could tell she was going through chemo. She never told us explicitly and we respected her choice. We were there to cover her shifts when she needed time off but we did not expect her to tell us what she was battling. It is her body, her struggle. That's the way I feel about my gastric sleeve.

[ProfessorSlim 115]

Thank you all for the very insightful comments. One thing is for sure, I am glad to have found this place pre-op, as I am sure I will be back during this process! I have been to one appt so far, I still need to do the nutrtionist appt, etc, I am hoping to schedule for 10/29 (I teach, and that week is an "off" week, so I can work at home). I'll take more time if needed, and I will just say I'm having a minor procedure and not offer details. I am pretty sure I am going to not discuss it with anyone, except my partner and all of you, for now. If I feel the need pre-op or post op to discuss it with certain friends/family, I can decide to do so at that time. I agree with being proud and not ashamed of taking control of my health and future, but I am really much more in the "private" way of thinking.

Thanks again!