To tell or not to tell..that is the question?

[nycteacher 30]

Hi guys! I'm new here! surgery date is July 17th I'm super excited and have a very supportive husband.

Right now, nobody knows about the surgery except my husband and one friend i trust who has had it done. The reason I'm keeping it quiet is because my mother and sister have both had negative comments about it in the past and I don't want the negativity in my life right now.

There's also a part of me that feels, its my body and my decision and I do not need to feel obligated to tell anybody my story.

Then there's a small part of me that knows it will be difficult when everyone starts asking me and I dont want to feel as if im "lying"

Any advise? Has anyone felt like this ?

[Berry78 4,259]

Go, have the surgery. Don't mention it yet. How often do you usually see them? If its only a few times a year, then aim your next visit for at least 3-4 months post op. That way you are well healed and comfortable in your new skin.

If they live nearby, still try to avoid visits for the first month.

Good luck!

[nycteacher 30]

Thanks berry, we do live nearby but Im hoping to just say im "busy with the kids this summer" plus husband will be home and can easily help me out.

[DaleCruse 756]

I tell everybody. Sometimes I tell strangers. In the nearly three years since I had surgery, I only had one person give me a negative reaction. Interestingly, she was someone who could have benefitted from having weight loss surgery too. She thought WLS was "taking the easy way out". Little did she know how much work it is! She's not in my life anymore so that's that.

One thing to consider: If you don't tell people, then, in my opinion, you're deceiving them. Now the problem is you. If you're forthcoming with your information, if they don't like it, it's on them, not you.

Good luck, whatever you decide.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

If you change your lifestyle and your eating habits. There are no lies told. People ask about my weight loss and I tell them I am eating healthy and being active.

It is no different than people asking how many kids I have. I don't go in depth on how I prevent that from happening either.

[Redo2017 247]

37 minutes ago, OutsideMatchInside said:

If you change your lifestyle and your eating habits. There are no lies told. People ask about my weight loss and I tell them I am eating healthy and being active.

It is no different than people asking how many kids I have. I don't go in depth on how I prevent that from happening either.

I love this advice. I am having gastric sleeve on July 10th and I have only told my husband. I have shared with close family and friends that I have made and will continue to make massive life-style changes to improve my health, and that is the honest truth. For me, I do not feel any sort of pressure or obligation to tell anyone about my surgery. Why should anyone be entitled to that information? Best of luck on your journey!

[julbug 15]

I don't think there's a right answer here but more about what you are comfortable with sharing.

I have a pretty active social life and super supportive family (even when they might not agree) so I told close friends and family. I see it more as an accountability group...and support.

Good luck to you!

[MSinger 348]

19 hours ago, nycteacher said:

There's also a part of me that feels, its my body and my decision and I do not need to feel obligated to tell anybody my story.

I feel the exact same way. When I really start "showing" I plan on simply telling people I'm eating less, moving more, and increasing my Protein intake. It's not a lie...

[GotProlactinoma 458]

I will probably tell strangers too. And all the family and friends who are rea family and friends. But I do not wish to share this info with Facebook acquaintances who are not really friends. I will just tell whom I tell. And I'm glad I don't work in an environment where people could tell and start gossiping about me daily. I agree, it's just a choice for each person to make. No wrong answers. It's nobody's business.

[shericrazylady 113]

I tell everyone [emoji23] they can take it how it is I don't care what they think.

Sent from my A1601 using BariatricPal mobile app

[mollynkids 7]

I have told a few close friends and family. I have surgery 7/17. I will tell others after if they ask. I told one (skinny) friend and she made me feel like my decision was the "easy" way and so after that, I decided to do what is best for me and that's it. I've tried for my entire life to get to/maintain a healthy weight and it really isn't anyone's business how I do it.

[Johnnyrud 7]

For me, I've only told the people who are the most supportive in my life. So spouse, close friends, and some family. I told one person I trust at work but my plan is to not bring it up unless someone directly asks about it. I'm not ashamed that I'm having the procedure but knowing that trolls are everywhere and judgement and criticism is what they live for, I prefer to avoid the frustration and aggravation of dealing with those naive people.

Edited July 6, 2017 by Johnnyrud

[A_new_sara 136]

I'm not telling anyone in my family either, besides my kids obviously, and my boyfriend. I am telling my co workers because they'll notice the obvious with me healing, and not throwing up anymore ha ha. They are close to me and very supportive though. As for everyone else, I'm telling everyone we're going to Cabo for vacation. They all have judged me for 7 years over "failing my band" and wasting the money. I'm not dealing with it again. I've been doing Keto since March and have lost 25 lbs. So after my surgery I'm going to let them think that's why I'm still losing. I will still be eating keto. Just with a better tool.

[suzy1313 10]

I completely understand. I have spent months in therapy discussing my issues with food and the crap my mother said to me as a kid. To this day, we cannot get through a food situation without her talking about weight loss or weight watchers. If I make poached eggs she asks "are you back on weight watchers?" I am over discussing my weight with her. Therefore, I didn't tell my parents I had the revision. I lie. I won't commit to dinners until I can start eating again. I don't care if it's lying. It is my medical history and my choice. In future I will just say I am eating more Proteins, eating less, and making better choices.

[akaet 91]

I had my first surgery back in 1994 I didn't tell anyone. Not my mom or my friends or any of my family not even my boyfriend/fiancé who's now my husband. Just recently I've undergone a revision/conversion and have kept it to myself again except my husband now knows what's going on. I don't have time to deal with the drama and people's negative thoughts and comments so it's just better to avoid any If possible. I've lost 10 pounds so far and my friend did ask I just told her I'm sticking to my diet as my health depends on it, it's strict and rewarding. That's all they need to know. Best of luck. I hope whatever you decide works out the best for you. Good luck with your surgery. [emoji847][emoji106]


Aka_ET

HW-220
Pre-op 194.3
RNY
SD June 16th 2017
CW-186
GW-140
HT 5' 3"
[emoji120][emoji878][emoji1272]

"You may see me struggle but you will never see me quit"