Second Thoughts - Could Use Some Advice

[d6g007 3]

Hello everyone,

I am scheduled for VSG on June 26th (just 12 days away!). My weight is currently over 415 lbs and my bmi is a staggering 65+. I know I have to start losing weight and I have to start now. I thought bariatric surgery was the best option for me, and let me explain why:

I am 21 years old, in college, and I have big dreams of working in foreign policy and traveling the world. I have suffered from obesity for most of my life, but I have yet to develop any serious comorbidities. I am actually really outgoing, but that trait is very often limited by my anxiety surrounding my size. There have been so many opportunities I have lost because I was ashamed of my body and/or was unable to realize these opportunities as they would be too physically demanding. I know that if I don't turn things around fast, my health will rapidly deteriorate and I will likely miss out on realizing my personal and professional goals (the dream job, a wife, family, etc.). When I think about having the surgery this month, the timeline fits perfectly for me. If all goes well, I could be half my current size when I graduate next May. The opportunities that being healthier offer are so exciting for me: going hiking with my friends, kayaking for the first time, fitting into an airplane seat without the need for a belt extender, walking around campus without being out of breath and drenched in sweat, maybe even dating!

I understand fully that VSG is not a solution; it's a tool. While the potential for rapid weight loss is very real, it depends heavily on my commitment to diet and exercise not just for the next year, but for the rest of my life.

However, sitting here tonight, I am having very strong second thoughts about going through with the surgery. I understand this is normal for pre-op patients, but my reasoning may be a little different. The truth is, I have never really tried to lose weight on my own. Sure, there have been short spans of time where I was a bit more conscious of what and how much I was eating, but never have I consistently made myself stick to a diet and exercise plan in order to be healthier. In the month since my initial consultation, I have limited myself to 1500-2000 calories per day, without really changing the nutritional value of what I eat, and I have lost nearly 18 lbs. I can't help but think that I might be very successful without weight loss surgery if I were to instead pursue a more rigorous diet and exercise regimen.

I'm terrified of this surgery. It is going to permanently change my body and, in the end, could potentially not even be successful. What's more, I am doing the surgery self-paid since my insurance policy specifically excludes bariatric surgery. That is a great financial burden to bear in addition to student loans, but I have already come to terms with the fact that it would be an investment in my long-term health and success.

I'm worried that I am too far gone to have real success with diet/exercise alone. Sure, I may lose 50-80 lbs in a year by myself, but we all have heard the horror stories of regaining it all back, and I have already wasted so much time that I am afraid my hopes and dreams might never be attainable unless I go through with VSG so that I have a tool that could help foster the rapid weight loss I feel that my life requires.

At the same time, I don't want to turn back on the surgery only to regret it in 5 years when I am over 500 lbs and fighting for my life. I like to think that I can say no to surgery and start a good diet tomorrow and start going to the gym regularly, but honestly I don't know that I trust myself to make that commitment (but then, if I can't trust myself to do so without the surgery, how will I be any different with the surgery?).

I'm not really sure what I am looking for here. It has certainly helped to write all of my thoughts out, and hopefully there are a few of you out there who might be able to offer some sage advice.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

I'm going to be honest with you.

You are super morbidly obese. Your chances of losing weight and keeping it off 5 years is less than 5%. When someone gets super morbidly obese (my start BMI was 60/61), it is basically impossible to lose weight. It is not normal for a body to get that heavy. Once your body does get to that weight it will defend that weight. The best option for resetting your body is WLS.

You can waste your youth and time trying to lose weight on your own, but it is very unlikely you will be successful and in the meantime you are going to miss out on travel and professional opportunities.

WLS is about more than just dieting. It resets your metabolism and sets off a chain of metabolic changes in the body that you will never get with diet and exercise.

WLS patients hate when people say WLS is the easy way out. It might not be the easy way out, but it is the easiest you are ever going to lose weight if you work with it instead of against it.

You are doing so much damage to your body every single day at the weight you are at, you really don't have the luxury of trying to lose weight on your own. It would be better to have WLS and get the excess weight off as fast as possible as soon as possible.

I suggest you find a therapist and stat working with one. The last year of college is stressful and when you don't have food as a coping mechanism, you might experience some issue. The best defense is a good offense so start with therapy now, so you have fewer issues later on.

Good Luck @d6g007

Edited June 15, 2017 by OutsideMatchInside

[Berry78 4,259]

Have you seen Dr. Matthew Weiner's youtube videos? He explains why surgery works when diet and exercise don't (after a point).

Who is to say you wouldn't be one of the lucky 5% that CAN "keep it off"? You haven't tried!

But, are you a numbers man? (You are a dude, right?)

Surgery=

95% chance of no complications

85% chance of losing and keeping off more than 120lbs for 5 years

85% chance of minimizing future health problems (high blood pressure, heart disease, diabetes, sleep apnea, joint pain)

No surgery=

100% chance of no complications

5% chance of losing and keeping off more than 120lbs for 5 years

5% chance of minimizing future health problems.

If you really feel strongly about the "one last try".. go ahead! You are young and can afford the time spent. The surgery will be there waiting for you if you need it. A year or two won't make a difference in the big picture.

You'll know it is time for surgery when you are continuing to work hard but the weight refuses to budge for months or starts going back up.. or you notice the work becomes "too hard", and you just can't do it anymore.

Say you drop 80lbs and hit that wall. Please, please, please, hurry and get the procedure before gaining it all back! The surgery will be safer, and your recovery easier when you are at a lower weight.

Your surgeon should be happy to hold off on your procedure until you are ready, so don't let that appointment worry you.

Your MIND has to be in the right place, or it's not the right thing to do at this moment.

Everyone gets cold feet before surgery.. just try and figure out whether this is normal nerves, or something really worth exploring.

[hmills653 365]

Its normal to get cold feet as the time gets closer. I was sliding into the operating table with tears rolling down my cheeks praying to God that I made the right decision. I say keep your appt but start the diet and exercise commitment anyway, it can only help you. Make a journal of your thoughts, goals and pics so that after surgery if you feel like you're struggling you Vann look back and be reminded why you started this journey. Even though you have no co morbidity now at your age you are still causing allot of wear and tear on your joints. You don't want your knees and back shot at 40 yrs old.

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[JKC2016 82]

Feel free to delay and make that commitment to movement, good nutrition and Portion Control. I did that once after considering surgery, lost all the weight and kept it off a couple of years. This time when I realized I was headed back into obesity I had surgery. I'm so happy I did. I'm not sorry I delayed and lost on my own. The healthy habits I learned are making post surgery quite easy and successful. And I have more confidence in myself to be healthy. Only you know what is right. Just don't keep gaining or stay in place. That would be the wrong choice. Oh, and I still second guessed my decision some. We all do. I was self pay in Mexico. Pretty affordable. If you decide to wait, you could save up and or seek a medical plan with coverage. But I think you will likely be very happy if you embrace the change now.

[blerdymermaid 4]

You articulated a lot of my concerns about surgery. I'm only 22, just graduated from college, and am having cold feet for similar reasons to you. Having the surgery so young presents a whole host of thoughts that people older than us tend not to have-the amount of time to try to lose again on your own, the idea of having something permanent that you'll have to live with for 50+more years, etc. I don't really have a solution to how you're feeling, but I can say you're not alone. I'm not scheduled yet but once I meet with my surgeon next week it's going to be a quick turnaround. My mom has it for around 6 years now and doesn't regret it, and I've scoured so many forums and have yet to find someone who truly regrets it which gives me hope but doesn't completely alleviate my fears.

[Kay 83 22]

I was 24 when I first thought about it. I'm 34 and just got sleeved on March 29 my weight was 402lbs I'm now 320 and happy to finally do it. Don't rush it or make a rash decision until your mentally ready to change your lifestyle. I hated myself for doing it because I felt like a piece of my soul is being taken from me, but each day I've learned to love myself for it I'm healthy off meds active and I'm even back in church. In the long run I've added 30+ years to my life. So when your ready and had enough of being over weight, clothes not fitting,and squeezing into spaces go for it.

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