Sorry this is long....

The first thing I MUST address is the way in which some people talk to on another on WLS forums. Often, I will stumble upon a post because I Google a question looking for an answer in the moment rather than asking something that may have already been asked and waiting. I've noticed a lot of people being extremely critical of the questioner...

Here is an example (in a weak moment -MOMENT being the keyword - I might add... I'm on the liquid diet), I found someone asking if in the pure liquid post-surgery diet stage if they could have sugar free soft-serve ice cream. The first response was from someone who decided that rather than answer the question, they would provide an impromptu lecture on slider foods and how they should be dealing with food post-surgery. While I recognize posting on the internet opens you up to opportunities of criticism, I would hope that most people on weight-loss-surgery forums would have enough common sense to understand that most people on here are adults capable of choosing what they want to do. She didn't ask if she SHOULD eat the ice cream, she asked if she COULD eat it. I'm not saying the concern about slider foods wasn't without merit, but it wasn't warranted in this situation. Turns out, the poster just wanted to see if she could indulge in a lick or two in a social setting (a birthday party or something). She wasn't planning to enter a soft-serve eating contest. And even if she was... SO WHAT?! How does that impact the responder in any way? Why waste the time responding? The question wasn't, "What's an exmaple of a slider food and what are the dangers of a slider food?" UGH!

This leads me to another thing I'm really, really, really frustrated with. NOT EVERYONE HAS MENTAL ISSUES WITH FOOD THAT IS OVERWEIGHT OR UNDERWEIGHT OR IS INCAPABLE OF CHANGE OR INCAPABLE OF LEARNING WAYS TO COPE WITH FOOD ADDICTION. I am not saying it will be EASY, but it doesn't mean someone can't overcome their addiction. I know people from all ends of the spectrum who have accidentally overeaten at a holiday or party or have made a bad choice (food related or not) and I know many people who OBSESS over the food they put into their bodies and have done some serious emotional and physical damage by being TOO restrictive. Here's the point I am trying to make...

WHAT WORKS FOR YOU MAY NOT WORK FOR ANOTHER PERSON. And perhaps this is my unsound opinion, but having HAD WLS does not make you an EXPERT on WLS no matter how long ago you've gone; until you've gone to school and extensively studied psychology, gotten your doctorate, etc. etc. etc., no one wants to hear it unless they specifically ask you hey what SHOULD I do! SHOULD BEING THE KEY WORD!

Yes, some people may find it best avoid slider foods at all costs for the rest of their lives. However, other people will be able to indulge in a few bites of ice cream, or whatever and it doesn't undo all of their hard work or everything they've accomplished.

I have to say that I'm so disappointed when looking for answers to certain WLS-related questions to see so many people 1 - not answering the question directly, 2 - providing emotional/psychological advice, 3 - just not showing a little more compassion to people regardless of where they are in their journey, 4 - assuming you know anything about the person based on a question they've asked. And hey maybe you can tell they're making a huge mistake, but they may have worded the question incorrectly, they may be having a difficult time with something else in their life and they're searching for empathy from someone else who may have gone through something similar... the point is, a simple question doesn't provide you all the facts so stop assuming things about people because they've had weight loss surgery or are contemplating it!!!

On a related note, I'm so disappointed in the frequency in which I read people who start off by replying, "I'm sorry, but..." YOU ARE NOT SORRY! You are about to say something hurtful. If you have to say BUT after sorry, you're just not and you should delete your sentence and go read a book. Unless you're saying, "I'm sorry, but you're totally awesome and I love that you're realizing you're perfectly capable of realizing this is an internet forum and not a conversation with your doctor..." but rarely does it go that way.

FINALLY, I am so tired of reading things that are presented as black and white. I bet there are a bunch of people who disagree with what I have said... okay, fine, but does that mean I'm wrong? DISAGREEING WITH SOMEONE DOES NOT MAKE THEM WRONG AND IT DOESN'T MAKE YOU RIGHT. SOMETIMES YOU CAN BOTH BE RIGHT, WRONG, OR IN BETWEEN!

50 Shades of Grey? TRY A BILLION! AHHHH!

PS - I really need the pureed food stage to arrive... and fast.

35 minutes ago, NixNichi said:

XD I'll be your friend! I can always use some more! Can you add friends on here?

Well, I don't know a way of adding friends per se. There is a way to "follow" people, but I don't know what that does. I'll PM you! Thanks!

Hmmm. This got way worse after I commented. People do count, so I learned to be thoughtful when I am direct, if I can. Hormones, emotions run high sometimes, and can make emotionless internet posts seem harsh. People post without taking a deep breath or even thinking. It's good to have veterans that have success and experience, but your journey and head is in a way different 'time zone' than the people just starting out. It's like a calculus teacher that forgets how hard it is for beginning algebra students to just 'get it already'. Yes, there are amazingly head shaking questions about eating pizza 2 weeks out or drinking alcohol but there are also legitimate questions. I can't offer much anyway because I am preop, I usually ask the OP more questions so I can get more details and see where it goes. I am sure I have some moaning, and battles ahead, I hope to recall those posts when I have an issue that might be similar.

1 hour ago, Berry78 said:

We see doctor's offices and nuts putting people on Ensure for 3 months, causing blindness in diabetics.. we see surgeons recommending soft foods, right out the gate.There is plenty of insanity to go around, including that in the medical field.

Do I RECOMMEND ice cream immediately post op? No. Do I believe it will hurt them? No... not in the way a pork chop could hurt them. (Which is essentially the question, right? Will ice cream make my stomach explode?)

People need to put on their thinking caps, and do what makes sense. About the only way ice cream will kill someone post op is if they are allergic to an ingredient. (Not intolerant.. Face swell up like a toad, ALLERGIC). It's not my place to know their medical history.. that's their own job.

Right.. you don't know a person's medical history. You don't know what happened to them during their operations, their medical history, special needs. That is the job of their medical team. You did acknowledge this, but are ok with giving out promises that nothing will happen as though you do know. I don't get it, and as someone who has seen scenarios like this play out very badly I'd never recommend it, but hey, it's the internet. People can also be extremely ignorant about their own health matters. Maybe they have a non-communicative Dr, maybe they are in denial, manipulative.. whatever the case, there is a surprising lack of understanding. I haven't been on this board for very long, but the complaints on people asking for permission to eat stuff they shouldn't is a constant complaint on here. I'm starting to think part the problem is posters willing to answer questions and give promises they'll be ok when these folks should be referred back to their care team. I feel like this board can be helpful if people stuck to clarifying issues that are within a person's plan of care, not telling people they'll be ok if they skirt around this or that rule. But my impression is the "help" will continue, as well as complaints of the type of questions that get posted to this board.

2 hours ago, Berry78 said:

Ice cream (no chunks) will not hurt the stomach after surgery. It's not a diet-friendly, weight loss CHOICE, but it isn't going to damage the surgical site. After all, what is ice cream? Basically milk and sugar that's frozen. Might cause dumping, but dumping is itself not harmful.. just unpleasant.

At this point. I feel like people should just have ice cream or whatever they want and learn the hard way. That is often the best lesson. If you dump once, and aren't mentally ill, you won't risk it again.

It seems like some people are hell bent on testing the limits, so let them test.

1 hour ago, Abeille213 said:

So, you only come here as a reminder of what not to do then?
One would think that after 8500 posts, an average of 11.5 posts every single day since you joined this site, you'd surely have it down by now.



Transitioning from lapband to bypass on June 12!
HW: 402, CW: 314, GW 185

I used to make a lot of posts trying to help people while drinking my coffee in the morning. There also used to be a lot more people that posted here that I liked and we had real discussions but they all got banned or left because of the banning.

My posting has scaled back quite a bit. I can't really continue to care more about other people than they care about themselves. You cannot help people that really don't want help and are just giving lip service to it. Like the same people keep coming back saying they are struggling and whatever but they never make changes, and never have food logs or anything else.

Why should I or anyone else love someone more than they love themselves?

I used to make a lot of posts trying to help people while drinking my coffee in the morning. There also used to be a lot more people that posted here that I liked and we had real discussions but they all got banned or left because of the banning.
My posting has scaled back quite a bit. I can't really continue to care more about other people than they care about themselves. You cannot help people that really don't want help and are just giving lip service to it. Like the same people keep coming back saying they are struggling and whatever but they never make changes, and never have food logs or anything else.
Why should I or anyone else love someone more than they love themselves?

I didn't say anything about loving anyone. You made a post about how everyone here asks stupid questions and you're so sick of it, etc. etc. You ended by saying the only reason to come here is to be reminded of what not to do. So, I was curious why, after 8500 posts, you still seemed to need to come here and be reminded of "what not to do". One would assume you'd know by now, thus, by your own statement, have no need to come here any longer.

@OutsideMatchInsideBecause it takes time to change and to trust yourself, and love is better than all else. I am not for enabling, or beating a dead horse. And you can't change anyone, that I learned from being in an 18 yr alcoholic marriage (ended 23 yrs ago). I decided I could be bitter, but that isn't what I want to be.

Keep posting. I see parallels in successful veterans on this forum and another one with their eating/exercise plans that I find useful.

Edited May 29, 20179 yr by Sosewsue61

There's a line from a book I read years ago that I try to apply to online activity - "be a filter, not a sponge". I try to filter out all that is unhelpful or unnecessarily hurtful rather than sponging it all up and weighing my mind and heart down. Using a post as a soapbox, an opportunity to lecture or demean, or to give unsolicited advice isn't unique to this forum. I moderate a forum for my college and frequently encounter responses that are very similar in tone and approach to ones here, even though the topics are vastly different. Of course on this forum there's more people who are going through liquid diets and other challenges that will naturally impact emotions and sense of wellbeing, and I think that does deserve some extra consideration from responders.

@outsidematchinside use to? You still do! Hang on a minute. Now sometimes she can come across as a little harsh but more often then not I've seen great advice come from OMI. I know she's advised me on the right path more then once despite it not always being what I wanted to hear. It was great info and it helped me steer clear of doing the wrong thing. Be careful not to become what you all are talking about. Avoid those who you don't want to talk to but don't chase them off! Your doing what you're accusing others of! That's kind of not cool mah guys.

SW: 328
CW: 256
GW: 150
Surgery date: January 12, 2017

2 hours ago, OutsideMatchInside said:

At this point. I feel like people should just have ice cream or whatever they want and learn the hard way. That is often the best lesson. If you dump once, and aren't mentally ill, you won't risk it again.

It seems like some people are hell bent on testing the limits, so let them test.

I already thought this way, but the issue presented with this thread are the snowflakes who get upset at people giving honest advice. Your contributions are easily among the best on this forum, it's clear snowflakes occasionally get under your skin. I say don't let them. Your brutal honesty is part of your personality and part of what makes your posts genuine pieces of advice, something the forum sorely needs. There's already no shortage of people who walk on eggshells for others, need variety.

Edited May 29, 20179 yr by PatientEleventyBillion

What's funniest to me about all of this is I have no idea where it stemmed from. I guess I missed the ice cream post. It's definitely devolved into something else. I still think it's a great thread and conversation.
Most of the folks on this thread have responded and have been helpful to me. Even the posters some seem to dislike. I'm grateful. We all have different styles. Can't you just block/ignore the folks that annoy you? Unfollow on Facebook is my favorite feature!

Wow, what a thread! For me, it comes to this....if the only way you can be honest is to be rude, you have a problem. Yes, there is tough love. But if that's the only way you can communicate, you have bigger problems than weight. You don't need to be a jerk to be honest. That's a choice.

I already thought this way, but the issue presented with this thread are the snowflakes who get upset at people giving honest advice. Your contributions are easily among the best on this forum, it's clear snowflakes occasionally get under your skin. I say don't let them. Your brutal honesty is part of your personality and part of what makes your posts genuine pieces of advice, something the forum sorely needs. There's already no shortage of people who walk on eggshells for others, need variety.

Birds of a feather

1 hour ago, lindabalseca said:

Birds of a feather

.. trigger snowflakes together?

Edited May 31, 20179 yr by PatientEleventyBillion