Sorry this is long....

The first thing I MUST address is the way in which some people talk to on another on WLS forums. Often, I will stumble upon a post because I Google a question looking for an answer in the moment rather than asking something that may have already been asked and waiting. I've noticed a lot of people being extremely critical of the questioner...

Here is an example (in a weak moment -MOMENT being the keyword - I might add... I'm on the liquid diet), I found someone asking if in the pure liquid post-surgery diet stage if they could have sugar free soft-serve ice cream. The first response was from someone who decided that rather than answer the question, they would provide an impromptu lecture on slider foods and how they should be dealing with food post-surgery. While I recognize posting on the internet opens you up to opportunities of criticism, I would hope that most people on weight-loss-surgery forums would have enough common sense to understand that most people on here are adults capable of choosing what they want to do. She didn't ask if she SHOULD eat the ice cream, she asked if she COULD eat it. I'm not saying the concern about slider foods wasn't without merit, but it wasn't warranted in this situation. Turns out, the poster just wanted to see if she could indulge in a lick or two in a social setting (a birthday party or something). She wasn't planning to enter a soft-serve eating contest. And even if she was... SO WHAT?! How does that impact the responder in any way? Why waste the time responding? The question wasn't, "What's an exmaple of a slider food and what are the dangers of a slider food?" UGH!

This leads me to another thing I'm really, really, really frustrated with. NOT EVERYONE HAS MENTAL ISSUES WITH FOOD THAT IS OVERWEIGHT OR UNDERWEIGHT OR IS INCAPABLE OF CHANGE OR INCAPABLE OF LEARNING WAYS TO COPE WITH FOOD ADDICTION. I am not saying it will be EASY, but it doesn't mean someone can't overcome their addiction. I know people from all ends of the spectrum who have accidentally overeaten at a holiday or party or have made a bad choice (food related or not) and I know many people who OBSESS over the food they put into their bodies and have done some serious emotional and physical damage by being TOO restrictive. Here's the point I am trying to make...

WHAT WORKS FOR YOU MAY NOT WORK FOR ANOTHER PERSON. And perhaps this is my unsound opinion, but having HAD WLS does not make you an EXPERT on WLS no matter how long ago you've gone; until you've gone to school and extensively studied psychology, gotten your doctorate, etc. etc. etc., no one wants to hear it unless they specifically ask you hey what SHOULD I do! SHOULD BEING THE KEY WORD!

Yes, some people may find it best avoid slider foods at all costs for the rest of their lives. However, other people will be able to indulge in a few bites of ice cream, or whatever and it doesn't undo all of their hard work or everything they've accomplished.

I have to say that I'm so disappointed when looking for answers to certain WLS-related questions to see so many people 1 - not answering the question directly, 2 - providing emotional/psychological advice, 3 - just not showing a little more compassion to people regardless of where they are in their journey, 4 - assuming you know anything about the person based on a question they've asked. And hey maybe you can tell they're making a huge mistake, but they may have worded the question incorrectly, they may be having a difficult time with something else in their life and they're searching for empathy from someone else who may have gone through something similar... the point is, a simple question doesn't provide you all the facts so stop assuming things about people because they've had weight loss surgery or are contemplating it!!!

On a related note, I'm so disappointed in the frequency in which I read people who start off by replying, "I'm sorry, but..." YOU ARE NOT SORRY! You are about to say something hurtful. If you have to say BUT after sorry, you're just not and you should delete your sentence and go read a book. Unless you're saying, "I'm sorry, but you're totally awesome and I love that you're realizing you're perfectly capable of realizing this is an internet forum and not a conversation with your doctor..." but rarely does it go that way.

FINALLY, I am so tired of reading things that are presented as black and white. I bet there are a bunch of people who disagree with what I have said... okay, fine, but does that mean I'm wrong? DISAGREEING WITH SOMEONE DOES NOT MAKE THEM WRONG AND IT DOESN'T MAKE YOU RIGHT. SOMETIMES YOU CAN BOTH BE RIGHT, WRONG, OR IN BETWEEN!

50 Shades of Grey? TRY A BILLION! AHHHH!

PS - I really need the pureed food stage to arrive... and fast.

. NOT EVERYONE HAS MENTAL ISSUES WITH FOOD THAT IS OVERWEIGHT OR UNDERWEIGHT OR IS INCAPABLE OF CHANGE OR INCAPABLE OF LEARNING WAYS TO COPE WITH FOOD ADDICTION.

This is complete and utter BS.

If you're having major surgery to lose weight (or keep it off), you've got issues with food. Also, this surgery won't magically make all of our psychological problems with food (or any others) go away. You can't expect to be cured with the surgery alone. Yes, people can develop coping mechanisms, but it takes work on their part and in some cases, professional help.

The people we see asking questions about foods that are clearly not on their plan may not be quite ready for the commitment it takes to make the surgery successful in the long run. Some people feel they're doing a service to point that out. Me personally? I couldn't care less unless they are endangering themselves. It's not my job to define what their success looks like.

Edited May 29, 20179 yr by Greensleevie

12 minutes ago, Greensleevie said:

. NOT EVERYONE HAS MENTAL ISSUES WITH food THAT IS OVERWEIGHT OR UNDERWEIGHT OR IS INCAPABLE OF CHANGE OR INCAPABLE OF LEARNING WAYS TO COPE WITH FOOD ADDICTION.

This is complete and utter BS.

If you're having major surgery to lose weight (or keep it off), you've got issues with food. Also, this surgery won't magically make all of our psychological problems with food (or any others) go away. You can't expect to be cured with the surgery alone. Yes, people can develop coping mechanisms, but it takes work on their part and in some cases, professional help.

The people we see asking questions about foods that are clearly not on their plan may not be quite ready for the commitment it takes to make the surgery successful in the long run. Some people feel they're doing a service to point that out. Me personally? I couldn't care less unless they are endangering themselves. It's not my job to define what their success looks like.

inb4 someone who gets triggered by honesty says you're being insensitive.

I feel you like people just don't get it.

Edited May 29, 20179 yr by BigTexasMandy

43 minutes ago, Greensleevie said:

. NOT EVERYONE HAS MENTAL ISSUES WITH food THAT IS OVERWEIGHT OR UNDERWEIGHT OR IS INCAPABLE OF CHANGE OR INCAPABLE OF LEARNING WAYS TO COPE WITH FOOD ADDICTION.

This is complete and utter BS.

If you're having major surgery to lose weight (or keep it off), you've got issues with food. Also, this surgery won't magically make all of our psychological problems with food (or any others) go away. You can't expect to be cured with the surgery alone. Yes, people can develop coping mechanisms, but it takes work on their part and in some cases, professional help.

The people we see asking questions about foods that are clearly not on their plan may not be quite ready for the commitment it takes to make the surgery successful in the long run. Some people feel they're doing a service to point that out. Me personally? I couldn't care less unless they are endangering themselves. It's not my job to define what their success looks like.

I didn't say every weight loss surgery patient, I said not everyone and I sincerely believe people are capable of change. If you don't, why are you on here and why did you get surgery? Why don't you just eat all you can and die? It's not black and white as I stated.

@PatientEleventyBillion you're really invested in proving me wrong and bringing me down... why is that? what's so wrong in your life that you can't just f**k off?

there, how's that for being direct and honest?

[mention=309438]PatientEleventyBillion[/mention] you're really invested in proving me wrong and bringing me down... why is that? what's so wrong in your life that you can't just f**k off?
there, how's that for being direct and honest?

Mandy, ignore that person. No matter where you go whether it's work, with friends, with family or online... there is always that one person who enjoys arguing and trying to bring others down. I feel badly for them because people like that are typically incredibly miserable human beings. Your instinctive reaction to be kind to others is a good thing! Don't let anyone make you question that.

It's funny... For a group of people who have dealt with obesity for many years and have (most likely) endured the cruelty from people who love to make fun of overweight people, one would think that compassion amongst this group of people would be here in spades. But, unfortunately, there is cruelty everywhere.


Transitioning from lapband to bypass on June 12!
HW: 402, CW: 314, GW 185

2 hours ago, BigTexasMandy said:

@PatientEleventyBillion you're really invested in proving me wrong and bringing me down... why is that? what's so wrong in your life that you can't just f**k off?

there, how's that for being direct and honest?

Get offended all you like, people are going to present opinions that you won't like regardless of how upset and how many childish tantrums you throw. Not changing anything. I have no idea what this "proving me wrong" nonsense is, I don't even know who you are. If you don't like opinions, and you or anyone else prefer to take criticism of the things people say or do personally, there's always an ignore function.

Edited May 29, 20179 yr by PatientEleventyBillion

Get offended all you like, people are going to present opinions that you won't like regardless of how upset and how many childish tantrums you throw. Not changing anything. I have no idea what this "proving me wrong" nonsense is, I don't even know who you are. If you don't like opinions, and you or anyone else prefer to take criticism of the things people say or do personally, there's always an ignore function.

Okay, Steven, you've gotten the attention you came here for. You can pretend to be an adult now and stop harassing her.


Transitioning from lapband to bypass on June 12!
HW: 402, CW: 314, GW 185

Just now, Abeille213 said:

Okay, Steven, you've gotten the attention you came here for. You can pretend to be an adult now and stop harassing her.


Transitioning from lapband to bypass on June 12!
HW: 402, CW: 314, GW 185

Right.. responding to someone posting to me = harass. It was a nice effort. And clearly you know who I am, despite me having no idea who you are. Must be harassment.

This is the kind of childish behavior I see in my psychology practice. A guy with low self esteem bullying others (from the safety and "anonymity" of the Internet, of course). Although I typically see this from adolescents, not adults. Just let it go. Your behavior is ridiculous.


Transitioning from lapband to bypass on June 12!
HW: 402, CW: 314, GW 185

6 minutes ago, Abeille213 said:

This is the kind of childish behavior I see in my psychology practice. A guy with low self esteem bullying others (from the safety and "anonymity" of the Internet, of course). Although I typically see this from adolescents, not adults. Just let it go. Your behavior is ridiculous.


Transitioning from lapband to bypass on June 12!
HW: 402, CW: 314, GW 185

This thread is specifically about people handling criticism, if you don't like the topic and people discussing it, don't post in it. Simple. You're the one trying to bully people out of a thread because they don't share your opinions. Protip: It's not gonna work. Either discuss the topic or be on your merry way. I'm not going to stop discussing this topic because you wish to cry harassment and whatever other contrived garbage you can try and fling around. This is my last response to your personal attacks.

Edited May 29, 20179 yr by PatientEleventyBillion

Whoooaaa guys let's just all chill. It's not that big of a deal. In the scheme of life and the big picture ya know? Now you know there's a saying and it's you catch more bees with honey then you do with vinegar? But there's also a saying that you can lead a horse to water but you can't make em drink. To me this kinda means no matter what you tell someone no matter the tone it's up to them whether their gonna take your advice or not.. that being said their more apt to listen if your a bit nicer in your criticisms. As for this other beef come on you both said your piece. I don't think either ones gonna give way just let it go and move on it ain't worth the argument honestly.

SW: 328
CW: 256
GW: 150
Surgery date: January 12, 2017

This thread is specifically about people handling criticism, if you don't like the topic and people discussing it, don't post in it. Simple. You're the one trying to bully people out of a thread because they don't share your opinions. Protip: It's not gonna work. Either discuss the topic or be on your merry way. I'm not going to stop discussing this topic because you wish to cry harassment and whatever other contrived garbage you can try and fling around. This is my last response to your personal attacks.

lol this is good. Who said I don't like the topic or the people discussing it? I think you're reaching, Steven.

And I'm trying to bully people out of a thread because they don't agree with my opinions? Hmmmm. Interesting. Let's explore this statement, shall we?

Who are the "people" I'm allegedly bullying? What method(s) am I using to bully?

What are my opinions? I assume you must know considering you claim to disagree with them. So, let's hear it. What are they?

Methinks you're unable to answer any of these questions. You're here pathetically begging for attention whilst periodically taking breaks in order to harass other users. As I'm not a fan of bullies, I called you out on your behavior and you can't handle it. It's really that simple. A bully will almost always flip out when someone stands up to them. Just as you've flipped out here. Funny, indeed.


Transitioning from lapband to bypass on June 12!
HW: 402, CW: 314, GW 185

9 hours ago, Introversion said:

Here's the caveat...no matter how kindly and supportively we present a suggestion, the person who originally sought the 'advice' often replies in a testy manner that, "I didn't ask about that! I asked if a Taco Bell burrito supreme is okay to eat in the soft food phase. Only supportive responses, please!"

Regardless of how helpful and supportive a reply is, many people have the ulterior motive of only fishing around for validation of their poor decisions. And of course, when they start regaining weight a few years from now, the blame and anger will be displaced onto some entity other than themselves (e.g., "the sleeve failed me").

Indeed, people will find opinions they think are useful and decide if it works for them, regardless of how one deliver the message. If one is utterly focused on how the message is delivered, there's likely no type of delivery that will appease them anyways. Personally it's not an excuse I buy.

14 hours ago, blizair09 said:

I agree that there is no reason to be hateful to people. That being said, A LOT of the time, people aren't being hateful; the poster reacts badly to good information and advice. Example -- a man that posts on here and has had great success over a long period of time (he's a beast if you look at his pictures) gave some relevant, honest feedback that wasn't hateful or even the slightest bit rude a few weeks back. The OP reacted terribly, and the thread turned into another internet war even though nothing out-of-the-way was said.

Many people on here want the following kind of response: "Oh [insert polite, "southern" noun signifying concern], everything will be alright. Listen to your body. Just get back on the horse. Bless you." And some of the things being posted are alarming, dangerous, and destructive on top of just generally being counterproductive to losing weight and improving one's health. (Look at some of the posts that get the most "likes." Many of them are just like my example.)

It is almost criminal that some doctors will operate on people that are so insanely unprepared for surgery or post-op life. But this whole enterprise is a business, and these forums are evidence of that every day.

I think you're referring to @BigViffer. Yes, his direct honesty has triggered plenty of snowflakes while being incredibly respectful. Generally the most intolerant people are the ones whining about the imaginary intolerance of others, and like some prior posts, try and attempt the "Duke lacrosse" (re: shaming and crying harassment with nothing to substantiate) method to shut people up whose opinions they don't want to read. It only motivates me, personally, to post more.

Edited May 29, 20179 yr by PatientEleventyBillion