Sorry this is long....

The first thing I MUST address is the way in which some people talk to on another on WLS forums. Often, I will stumble upon a post because I Google a question looking for an answer in the moment rather than asking something that may have already been asked and waiting. I've noticed a lot of people being extremely critical of the questioner...

Here is an example (in a weak moment -MOMENT being the keyword - I might add... I'm on the liquid diet), I found someone asking if in the pure liquid post-surgery diet stage if they could have sugar free soft-serve ice cream. The first response was from someone who decided that rather than answer the question, they would provide an impromptu lecture on slider foods and how they should be dealing with food post-surgery. While I recognize posting on the internet opens you up to opportunities of criticism, I would hope that most people on weight-loss-surgery forums would have enough common sense to understand that most people on here are adults capable of choosing what they want to do. She didn't ask if she SHOULD eat the ice cream, she asked if she COULD eat it. I'm not saying the concern about slider foods wasn't without merit, but it wasn't warranted in this situation. Turns out, the poster just wanted to see if she could indulge in a lick or two in a social setting (a birthday party or something). She wasn't planning to enter a soft-serve eating contest. And even if she was... SO WHAT?! How does that impact the responder in any way? Why waste the time responding? The question wasn't, "What's an exmaple of a slider food and what are the dangers of a slider food?" UGH!

This leads me to another thing I'm really, really, really frustrated with. NOT EVERYONE HAS MENTAL ISSUES WITH FOOD THAT IS OVERWEIGHT OR UNDERWEIGHT OR IS INCAPABLE OF CHANGE OR INCAPABLE OF LEARNING WAYS TO COPE WITH FOOD ADDICTION. I am not saying it will be EASY, but it doesn't mean someone can't overcome their addiction. I know people from all ends of the spectrum who have accidentally overeaten at a holiday or party or have made a bad choice (food related or not) and I know many people who OBSESS over the food they put into their bodies and have done some serious emotional and physical damage by being TOO restrictive. Here's the point I am trying to make...

WHAT WORKS FOR YOU MAY NOT WORK FOR ANOTHER PERSON. And perhaps this is my unsound opinion, but having HAD WLS does not make you an EXPERT on WLS no matter how long ago you've gone; until you've gone to school and extensively studied psychology, gotten your doctorate, etc. etc. etc., no one wants to hear it unless they specifically ask you hey what SHOULD I do! SHOULD BEING THE KEY WORD!

Yes, some people may find it best avoid slider foods at all costs for the rest of their lives. However, other people will be able to indulge in a few bites of ice cream, or whatever and it doesn't undo all of their hard work or everything they've accomplished.

I have to say that I'm so disappointed when looking for answers to certain WLS-related questions to see so many people 1 - not answering the question directly, 2 - providing emotional/psychological advice, 3 - just not showing a little more compassion to people regardless of where they are in their journey, 4 - assuming you know anything about the person based on a question they've asked. And hey maybe you can tell they're making a huge mistake, but they may have worded the question incorrectly, they may be having a difficult time with something else in their life and they're searching for empathy from someone else who may have gone through something similar... the point is, a simple question doesn't provide you all the facts so stop assuming things about people because they've had weight loss surgery or are contemplating it!!!

On a related note, I'm so disappointed in the frequency in which I read people who start off by replying, "I'm sorry, but..." YOU ARE NOT SORRY! You are about to say something hurtful. If you have to say BUT after sorry, you're just not and you should delete your sentence and go read a book. Unless you're saying, "I'm sorry, but you're totally awesome and I love that you're realizing you're perfectly capable of realizing this is an internet forum and not a conversation with your doctor..." but rarely does it go that way.

FINALLY, I am so tired of reading things that are presented as black and white. I bet there are a bunch of people who disagree with what I have said... okay, fine, but does that mean I'm wrong? DISAGREEING WITH SOMEONE DOES NOT MAKE THEM WRONG AND IT DOESN'T MAKE YOU RIGHT. SOMETIMES YOU CAN BOTH BE RIGHT, WRONG, OR IN BETWEEN!

50 Shades of Grey? TRY A BILLION! AHHHH!

PS - I really need the pureed food stage to arrive... and fast.

I find that the key to this forum is to not care about anyone. I don't mean be a d**k to them, but don't emotionally invest yourself in strangers. Most likely you will never meet these people, they will have no substantial impact on your life, and many backgrounds so incredibly different than your own that once you are past the pleasantries you have nothing more to talk about. If you know the answer to a question and it hasn't been answered a hundred times before, answer the question. If you have an opinion but not experience nor knowledge, don't answer the question because you have an opinion on it.

For some reason, people always want to come on here and talk about the meanies. Then all of the other sensitive types will rally around this person, for their coming has been heralded and they will drive out the monsters that have taken over the land and spew their poison across the threads. I don't know why people get so emotionally invested in this forum and it's members. If you want to survive this place, share more facts than opinion. Should someone eat a pizza 3 weeks post op? Of course not. They fact that anyone would attempt that is horrifying to me and they need professional intense therapy for their food addiction. And I would say that they were not ready for the surgery and shouldn't have had it.

I am to the point where I don't really know why I come here. I used to think it is the hopes that someone will come on here that is similar to me and I'll be able to lend support to them and we will become life long BFF's. Now however, it is more likely a morbid curiosity. Who is going to have the most public failure? Who is going to take the trophy for the most dangerous thing to eat directly post op? Who will be the next to die from drinking? I take no satisfaction in knowing it will happen (and it will happen), it's just a game now of "can I spot who it will be?".

I have found 2 good friends that I PM all the time. Big Viffer, if you wanna be my friend, just PM me! (Of course now I'm paranoid that you have a betting pool on me to f-up!) Lol!

I have found 2 good friends that I PM all the time. Big Viffer, if you wanna be my friend, just PM me! (Of course now I'm paranoid that you have a betting pool on me to f-up!) Lol!

Or die lol

I'm not on facebook so maybe I'm missing some of the context here, but this is a person immediately post op, the most important stage to make sure you are 100% compliant, and this person is seeking permission to break their physician's orders. This case is not just someone asking to "cheat"... they are potentially endangering themselves. I'm sorry, but I would not have reacted to that post well at all. There is a difference between someone 3+ months post op asking if they can have pizza/soda/beer, vs someone who just had surgery risking surgical complications just so they can have ice cream.

Maybe this fb group is just catty (which I have heard can be the case), but this crosses the line from asking for permission to "cheat", to risking post op complications because you're not following your prescribed diet.

ETA: I am not the type of person to coddle or enable anyone. You will get a straight answer from me. Maybe that comes off as blunt or rude, but I do see some folks here asking for "permission" to do things they know they shouldn't. I feel this is basically an attempt to shove their personal responsibility onto a bunch of complete strangers, and I can see how that can grate on the nerves of some of the posters.

Edited May 29, 20179 yr by MSinger

Ice cream (no chunks) will not hurt the stomach after surgery. It's not a diet-friendly, weight loss CHOICE, but it isn't going to damage the surgical site. After all, what is ice cream? Basically milk and sugar that's frozen. Might cause dumping, but dumping is itself not harmful.. just unpleasant.

Did I have ice cream immediately post op? No. Like I said, it's not a diet friendly choice. I did eat two small spoonfuls yesterday at a birthday party for the first time, and it was gross! But I'm 10 weeks out and life happens... sometimes experience is the best teacher. I'd rather have a handful of blueberries.

Joann.. Lol! Then I can be Deadpool!

10 weeks out I can see people taking liberties and giving recommendations, but within the first two weeks I really feel people asking "can I eat this" type of questions should be referred to their surgery team/NUT instead of us answering these questions for them. I'm not sure why anyone would take it upon themselves to tell a person what they can eat during this period, particularly if it's something that is generally not allowed. You don't know their medical history, the surgeon and nutritionist's plan, or how they will react to the foods you were able to tolerate. Everyone is different.

There are some folks who just cannot accept hearing no from their Dr's office, and decide to post here to see if they will get a different answer. I'm a nurse and I can tell you from experience, stuff like that does happen.

People are free to post whatever they want, of course, but I do wonder if the willingness to answer these questions enables more inappropriate questions being posted. Someone who is less than two weeks out should be calling their Dr's office... not asking a bunch of strangers.

Some people were just raised differently. What can seem out right rude to some is just matter of fact for others (though some of those last opinions are a little yikes lol). Some people are a little less....er cuddly then others..perhaps more intense? I'd like to believe all advice comes from some place of caring. At the end of the day they are just looking out for ya the best way they know how spitting out some helpful words of wisdom. It's true there are some people who just don't learn/can't seem to change their ways and it's sad to see someone take this risk to loose weight and end up disappointed and back where they started. No one wants that. I think on that point we can all agree.

SW: 328
CW: 256
GW: 150
Surgery date: January 12, 2017

I think grown ass adults asking random strangers on the internet to validate their life choices are getting the responses they deserve.

If you want to eat soft serve ice cream, eat it. Don't ask internet strangers if it is okay. Dumb questions deserve dumb responses.

You can ask someone on the internet if it is okay to eat nails and they will tell you it is fine because their cousin ate nails on a dare in 7th grade and nothing bad happened.

Everyone that asks about pizza and alcohol when you can google like 50,000 responses for it, when people jump down their virtual throat, don't care.

This whole site is searchable with google, even if the site search sucks. Plus there are other sites, to search and ask questions. Almost no one every asks a new question.

Ideally people should be asking questions from the people they let chop them up for thousands of dollars. You know the people that actually know their medical history.

Also, someone fresh from surgery or newly pre-op makes a little be nice to idiots rant monthly. This is old and played out too.

@BigViffer Said it better than me. I totally agree with his entire post.

I do have one friend from here that I text with almost daily, who is also a like minded individual. And I have a few other people that I am friends with on Facebook.

These forums are pretty much useless for anyone that wants to make a real lasting life change and be a healthy/fit person. The only reason to come here is as a reminder of what not to do.

Edited May 29, 20179 yr by OutsideMatchInside

We see doctor's offices and nuts putting people on Ensure for 3 months, causing blindness in diabetics.. we see surgeons recommending soft foods, right out the gate.There is plenty of insanity to go around, including that in the medical field.

Do I RECOMMEND ice cream immediately post op? No. Do I believe it will hurt them? No... not in the way a pork chop could hurt them. (Which is essentially the question, right? Will ice cream make my stomach explode?)

People need to put on their thinking caps, and do what makes sense. About the only way ice cream will kill someone post op is if they are allergic to an ingredient. (Not intolerant.. Face swell up like a toad, ALLERGIC). It's not my place to know their medical history.. that's their own job.

I think grown ass adults asking random strangers on the internet to validate their life choices are getting the responses they deserve.
If you want to eat soft serve ice cream, eat it. Don't ask internet strangers if it is okay. Dumb questions deserve dumb responses.
You can ask someone on the internet if it is okay to eat nails and they will tell you it is fine because their cousin ate nails on a dare in 7th grade and nothing bad happened.
Everyone that asks about pizza and alcohol when you can google like 50,000 responses for it, when people jump down their virtual throat, don't care.
This whole site is searchable with google, even if the site search sucks. Plus there are other sites, to search and ask questions. Almost no one every asks a new question.
Ideally people should be asking questions from the people they let chop them up for thousands of dollars. You know the people that actually know their medical history.
Also, someone fresh from surgery or newly pre-op makes a little be nice to idiots rant monthly. This is old and played out too.
[mention=252425]BigViffer[/mention] Said it better than me. I totally agree with his entire post.
I do have one friend from here that I text with almost daily, who is also a like minded individual. And I have a few other people that I am friends with on Facebook.
These forums are pretty much useless for anyone that wants to make a real lasting life change and be a healthy/fit person. The only reason to come here is as a reminder of what not to do.

So, you only come here as a reminder of what not to do then?
One would think that after 8500 posts, an average of 11.5 posts every single day since you joined this site, you'd surely have it down by now.



Transitioning from lapband to bypass on June 12!
HW: 402, CW: 314, GW 185

24 minutes ago, OutsideMatchInside said:

I do have one friend from here that I text with almost daily, who is also a like minded individual. And I have a few other people that I am friends with on Facebook.

*Sniff, sniff... it's not me {Cries}

I think grown ass adults asking random strangers on the internet to validate their life choices are getting the responses they deserve.
If you want to eat soft serve ice cream, eat it. Don't ask internet strangers if it is okay. Dumb questions deserve dumb responses.
You can ask someone on the internet if it is okay to eat nails and they will tell you it is fine because their cousin ate nails on a dare in 7th grade and nothing bad happened.
Everyone that asks about pizza and alcohol when you can google like 50,000 responses for it, when people jump down their virtual throat, don't care.
This whole site is searchable with google, even if the site search sucks. Plus there are other sites, to search and ask questions. Almost no one every asks a new question.
Ideally people should be asking questions from the people they let chop them up for thousands of dollars. You know the people that actually know their medical history.
Also, someone fresh from surgery or newly pre-op makes a little be nice to idiots rant monthly. This is old and played out too.
[mention=252425]BigViffer[/mention] Said it better than me. I totally agree with his entire post.
I do have one friend from here that I text with almost daily, who is also a like minded individual. And I have a few other people that I am friends with on Facebook.
These forums are pretty much useless for anyone that wants to make a real lasting life change and be a healthy/fit person. The only reason to come here is as a reminder of what not to do.

People are trying to connect. And some do. You've met person you get on well with. I think that's great. As for the validation, some people have issues, doubt they deserve to be treated like crap. My life doesn't have more value than theirs. As far as the one seeking validation, and those supporting bad habits or degrading the poster, that's their bit, have a nice day.

I agree about the questions, nothing is new. I think the point is to feel people have a safe place to connect and maybe make friends within the context of bariatric surgery . I've a few great people who email me with questions. Maybe they're afraid, shy, tired of assholes who can't keep their yaps shut because they're perfect and have all the answers, their opinions are better than others.

So they message. They seek connection, and answers or advice. Nothing wrong with that. I'm more than glad to share what I can.

I think BigViffer is spot on, for the most part. I've no morbid curiosity about anyone personally, seems mercenary and cruel to disregard that there are human beings behind the screen, but one also can't help but notice whose screwing the pooch from the get go. It's a shame. I think the trick is to be compassionate. Kind.

I personally don't form attachments with people online, have no expectations of them, don't know them, but care a bit. If I get to know them better, great. I can't say what the future holds. I don't need that much control.

If someone does something stupid, I'm going to help by sharing what I know. It wouldn't matter if I were religious or not, it seems the right thing to do. Otherwise you just turn a blind eye and I'm not that way. I think people who are, are weak, cowardly, and selfish. Just MO.

Some people have no friends, lack social skills, live online because they can't make friends offline or they may even have a health issue preventing them from being out and about more, a handicap, some enjoy judging others, make a game of the lives of the lives of strangers, some lack empathy, view people online as if they are only a moniker. Forget that.

I can look at myself in the mirror, I'm good with it.

*Sniff, sniff... it's not me {Cries}

XD I'll be your friend! I can always use some more! Can you add friends on here?

SW: 328
CW: 256
GW: 150
Surgery date: January 12, 2017

lol this is good. Who said I don't like the topic or the people discussing it? I think you're reaching, Steven.

And I'm trying to bully people out of a thread because they don't agree with my opinions? Hmmmm. Interesting. Let's explore this statement, shall we?

Who are the "people" I'm allegedly bullying? What method(s) am I using to bully?

What are my opinions? I assume you must know considering you claim to disagree with them. So, let's hear it. What are they?

Methinks you're unable to answer any of these questions. You're here pathetically begging for attention whilst periodically taking breaks in order to harass other users. As I'm not a fan of bullies, I called you out on your behavior and you can't handle it. It's really that simple. A bully will almost always flip out when someone stands up to them. Just as you've flipped out here. Funny, indeed.


Transitioning from lapband to bypass on June 12!
HW: 402, CW: 314, GW 185

My first time ever on BariatricPal he bullied me and I thought I hope not everyone is as insensitive. There are a few just like him. I dread when I see their post on threads thinking omg who are they going to chew up and spit out now? Now I just think wow they must be so sad inside and their life with not much meaning in their eyes of course that they want company. People to feel emotionally scarred as them. All I can say is they need prayers to soften their hearts and humble themselves.

My first time ever on BariatricPal he bullied me and I thought I hope not everyone is as insensitive. There are a few just like him. I dread when I see their post on threads thinking omg who are they going to chew up and spit out now? Now I just think wow they must be so sad inside and their life with not much meaning in their eyes of course that they want company. People to feel emotionally scarred as them. All I can say is they need prayers to soften their hearts and humble themselves.

I'm very sorry to hear that, though not the least bit surprised. You noticed how he immediately backed off once someone stood up to him? That's what bullies do. They are the weak ones. Part of me feels sorry for him and others like him. They are miserably unhappy people desperate to bring others down to their level of misery and self loathing.
But the other part of me thinks they are fully pathetic in that they choose a support group of all things as the place to attack others. It takes a real man to take aim at a group of people who are vulnerable, afraid and asking for help.


Transitioning from lapband to bypass on June 12!
HW: 402, CW: 314, GW 185