4 month out with thoughts and feelings (and pics!)

[abjale 16]

My gastric bypass surgery was 4 months ago--January 23rd 2017.

Age: 22

Height: 5ft

High weight: 220

Surgery weight: 214

Current weight: 158

Goal weight: 150 (so close!)

I've tried to make a point of taking a picture when I hit a 10 pound weight loss mark. I had the surgery to avoid future comorbidities because with PCOS and hypothyroid issues (not to mention a whole list of family illnesses I'm at risk of) this surgery was my best chance of reaching a healthy weight and keeping it.

Im not out of the woods yet! 4 months out and 8 pounds from my goal this process has been the hardest thing I've ever done. Here are a few things I've noticed:

I started at a lower weight and I cannot compare my weight loss journey to others and I would caution other people from doing the same. ive stopped comparing the pounds I have lost to the pounds of others. It will rob you of joy. Celebrate your successes.

Physicaly: I feel strong. Like hulk strong. i can cross my legs now! How bout that!? Yet I don't think that I have all my energy back. I'm lethargic, I get tired easily, I sleep A LOT.

Getting in enough Protein is a struggle. Remembering to take all those Vitamins is a struggle too. I find that when I forget the reaction is usually delayed. 2 or 3 days down the road it hits me hard.

I now wear a size 12/14. I started at a 22. I went to a wedding over the weekend and got several comments about how thin I looked from people who hadn't seen me since before my surgery. I'm very open when I talk about this surgery (I know that not everyone is because, let's face it, there are some really ignorant judgemental people who have no idea what it's like) and I do try to educate if people seem genuinely interested in finding out. The positive voices in my life tend to drown out the negative ones.

Im loosing hair by the fistful. It's alarming! My self confidence and drive is at an all-time high. It's fantastic! I've started working out and I even began Insanity. I have really good days and I have days where I break down. My teeth are starting to have problems. My face looks older. My skin is sagging. Shopping for clothing is both exhilarating and frustrating. I've donated bags and bags to goodwill and there is still a nagging voice in the back of my head that says one day I might need them again.

Everyone at work and everyone in my family knows I've had the surgery. It keeps me accountable but I also feel that it puts a lot of pressure on me to "deliver". In the years to come I wonder how quickly people will look me up and down and speculate about my weight. Have I gained? Have I lost? And I know they will because (I'm sad to say) I do this to others all the time. Ive made some friends who've had the surgery--some who've kept the weight off and others who haven't. I don't take a single pound that I shed for granted.

I don't crave food as much. It's like some spell that made me a ravenous binge eater is, at least for now, broken. People ask if I regret the surgery and depending on the day, you'll get a different answer. I'm enjoying the journey.

anyone else feel this way?

[mjfx2 31]

You look great!! Keep up the terrific job!

[Joann454 1,329]

Are you sure you're only 22? You're extremely mature. I think your outlook and fears are all normal. I'm 30 years older than you and share almost all the same fears. Even being judged by those who love me.
You look great and hulk strong sounds amazing to me. Just keep doing what you're doing.

[bethanyfos 0]

You look great!

[nana perez 98]

You look great

[SiaIsHere 26]

What a success! Great and mature outlook as well. Wishing you continued success!! [emoji254]