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Spouse says to stop losing weight



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I was blessed with a surgeon that shared this with me.

He said that your family and friends love you and want you to be healthy. When they are used to you being so large, you being a healthy weight is not normal.

When you stand in a room of strangers you could ask any one of them what they thought and every stranger would say you look healthy.

This is an unintentional sabotage that awareness can help you avoid. He said, if a friend or family member told you that your haircut did not flatter your face. How long would it be before you pick a new haircut? Their opinion matters. In this you must be strong and lovingly remind them that you are working hard to be healthy. Appreciate their concern.

Lastly he said, the only one I am to listen to is him. My surgeon said he would tell me if I was too skinny. And he finished it up with, he only had one patient lose too much. She was a grandmother that started to love the attention her family was giving her worrying about her weight loss.

Stay strong and keep your healthy goal in mind always.


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I would echo what others have said here. BMI is not the end-all, be-all of determining what your "healthy" weight should be. People are built differently, and while that range generally works, it isn't appropriate for everyone based on their individual build. It would give me some pause if multiple people are telling you that you might want to stop losing. Have a conversation with your nutritionist and support staff to make sure you are getting a well-informed assessment of your current and goal weights.

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I can totally relate. I went below my goal weight, I had my RNY JUly 2, 2013. In 6 months I went from 249#'s to 117#. Everyone in my family thought I looked sick and that I had lost to much weight. I did gain just 8#'s!! Now that number doesn't seem like it would make a big difference, well it defintly did. The gain made my family happy and I have maintained my weight of 125#'s for over 3 years now. Does your mind catch up with your body? Mine HAS NOT!!! I just now don't go to the PLUS SIZED racks. It totally blows me away when I try on clothes and see the size I am in. If I look in mirror and stop at my neck I can see the loss. But...any more looking down I still see the FAT ME!!! I have FAT days and not so fat days. My daughter just doesn't get it, she see's me and just thinks I am being weird about my fat days. It is REAL!!!

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125 at 5'2 sounds about right.

None of them have to carry your excess weight. I think people really don't realize how uncomfortable extra weight is. I never did until I lost it.

Tell him you are losing to live a long healthy life, not for vanity.

And yes, as someone said before we don't recognize a healthy weight anymore. When I watch old movies and see the size that women were in the past, I see how far off track we are.

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On 3/31/2017 at 1:35 PM, queendeborahbee said:

What an ass, happy he's your ex!

Hell yes...... and he is regretting not supporting me and being selfish and self-centered....

But on a better note.... i met a great guy name Tim and soooo supportive.... Never left my side during my recent Emergency band removal...

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On 3/31/2017 at 2:28 PM, customademe said:

I would like to say thank you to each and every one of you who commented on this topic, but I haven't learned the ropes yet on these electronic things (over 50 LOL). Everyone had fantastic input and covered everything I needed to give them the response and provide me the support I needed to get to the finish line.

I see my NUT and surgeon next Thursday and while it has been 4 months since I last saw them, I will be able to go in to this appointment a little more reassured that I am doing the right thing by continuing on my journey to the finish line.

I'll keep you posted on the outcome. Rally on!

What did your team say about your goal?

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My doctor's assistant said keep doing what I'm doing! I'm way ahead of their predictions! My actual doctor said SLOW DOWN! I told him what his assistant said and he said that he would speak with him and when my doctor returned he stated that his assistant had misspoken. I saw the NUT who reaffirmed what I should be doing. Guess what? I've gained almost 7 lbs since then. I'm all over the map. It would seem that I've lost something. I am spiraling out of control again. I returned to the handouts that I was given to try to regain my focus. God has brought me too far for me to fail. I will lose this 35 pounds by September! I'm in this fight for the rest of my life! RALLY ON!!!!!!!

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Spiraling out of control is absolutely not what you want to be doing.

Take a moment, and just breathe.

It sounds like your doctor wants you to stay around 140-150.... At least for now. Since your weight wants to jump around, just maintaining for a while sounds like a good idea.

Remember why you started this journey... For health, right? Your doctor has your health in mind when recommending maintaining for a bit. Let your body catch up to your phenomenal progress!

Just because you plateau for now, doesn't mean the journey is over... If anything, a new phase has just begun....

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I was thinking about this thread last night.

First, remember the BMI charts are made based on a typical person that was never 100+lbs over weight.

There are some differences between us and that typical person.

1. Loose skin. Even if it is minimal, it is still there. Add 5lbs to the chart weight. (Or 15 if you have a lot!)

2. Your skeleton is sturdier due to carrying the extra weight. Add 3lbs.

3. You have more muscle mass due to carrying the extra weight. Add 15lbs.

That is 23lbs, right there. Maybe I've been generous, but you get the idea. Each of us should probably add 20lbs to what the BMI chart says to find our actual ideal.

So, for the OP.. 125+20=145lbs. This is why your doctor said to slow down ;)

Now you have a new goal, and you are so close! Congratulations!!

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My wife has told me the same thing. I am .9 pounds away from my surgeon's goal weight (which still puts me at a BMI of 25). I would really like to lose more weight but my wife said that I would look sickly.

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