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Dealing with others issues



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I'm stuck trying to figure out where I stand in my relationship. My boyfriend has said I've changed since surgery but he is not happy with himself because he is not losing weight. He is stuck where he is at but he doesn't want to change anything for that to happen. I'm just lost on what to do.

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I heard boyfriend. It is important to remember that at the "boyfriend" stage of a relationship you should be having fun. The relationship should be light and learning about each other and behaviors that you can and cannot live with are revealed. So important to think of it this way because it doesn't get easier when you are married. It gets much much harder. It is a reality that you are different. This new journey is for a lifetime and as you get healthier you will continue to change. He needs to expect that.


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It sounds to me like you are "comfortable" but not "happy" being with this person. Maybe it's time to step out of the comfort zone in order to be truly happy?

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Maybe he is upset at the progress that you are making and the confidence that you are gaining and is starting to worry about where he fits in all of this. Also he should either try to get the sleeve to join you or he can try to do it himself. Either way, he is never going to understand you until he is actively doing his part in getting healthy. Counseling would be a great option but not everyone can afford it. If you both are a part of a church, the pastor provides counseling as well (it is more religious and spiritual but can help).

As of now my Boyfriends jokingly calls me annoying because every thing is about this surgery. He understands that my hormones will be different and that my attitude will change from time to time. The lovely thing is that we are both Geminis and Geminis are known for the mood swings. We understand each other.

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We change My spouse did not get it. He ended up healthier and became a great support. It took time and more time.


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Thanks for all your guys advice but sadly it ended. My ex couldn't be supportive of me not just for my weight loss but because I'm a full time student and I work along with taking care of my son. My life is to busy for him and his wanting attention from me when I was able to give him that wasn't enough. I'm a strong woman who has be by myself for a long time and I will be my own support. You all have given great advice and hopefully it will come in handy for the next relationship (if that ever happens)


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Katgb, I'm so sorry. Tough call during so much additional change in your life. I'm always so proud to hear of strong women who don't settle. It sounds like your plate is pretty full right now with school and baby. Any words of condolence would fall flat considering the outcome. Think of you.

Take care


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7 hours ago, katgb said:

Thanks for all your guys advice but sadly it ended. My ex couldn't be supportive of me not just for my weight loss but because I'm a full time student and I work along with taking care of my son. My life is to busy for him and his wanting attention from me when I was able to give him that wasn't enough. I'm a strong woman who has be by myself for a long time and I will be my own support. You all have given great advice and hopefully it will come in handy for the next relationship (if that ever happens)

Sorry it ended Even when best it is still a loss. I am glad your perspective is future forward and you have a sense of control. I look at the title of this thred and it says dealing with others issues. I like The fact that you kept it others in Issues

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On 3/26/2017 at 11:11 PM, katgb said:

Thanks for all your guys advice but sadly it ended. My ex couldn't be supportive of me not just for my weight loss but because I'm a full time student and I work along with taking care of my son. My life is to busy for him and his wanting attention from me when I was able to give him that wasn't enough. I'm a strong woman who has be by myself for a long time and I will be my own support. You all have given great advice and hopefully it will come in handy for the next relationship (if that ever happens)

I never thought I would say it but my bf is now distant from me. He has not spoken to me since 3/25 the day before surgery. It is now the 3/28 and still no response. All the talk and bs that he was spilling about caring and wanting to be there was a waste of time. I have decided to not waste anymore time on him as right now is about me and my healing. Sometimes we have to let things go and stop dealing with the nonsense of insecure men.

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I never thought I would say it but my bf is now distant from me. He has not spoken to me since 3/25 the day before surgery. It is now the 3/28 and still no response. All the talk and bs that he was spilling about caring and wanting to be there was a waste of time. I have decided to not waste anymore time on him as right now is about me and my healing. Sometimes we have to let things go and stop dealing with the nonsense of insecure men.

Maybe he's just staying away because of the hormones and mood swings he knows you are going through. Its sad, but there are many people who like their mate big.



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16 minutes ago, Suaniya said:


Maybe he's just staying away because of the hormones and mood swings he knows you are going through. Its sad, but there are many people who like their mate big.


Whatever the explaination, is unacceptable. There is nothing that he can say that will change my mind. I do not understand how he prefers me big when all he would talk about is the things we would be able to do and how much time I am adding to my time with him. I have not even gone through any hormone changes and all ready he is distant. Whatever, there are more fish in the sea lol

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Your partner should be exactly that, a "partner" - someone willing to share the load and be part of the journey. If they are not then you are better off without them. And you have come to that decision yourself. You now have the focus and energy to deal with your own healing, learning and parenting without anyone leeching positive energy from your world. Well done! Keep focused. The right partner will come your way when you are ready for him. Wishing you all the very best for your journey!


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I never thought I would say it but my bf is now distant from me. He has not spoken to me since 3/25 the day before surgery. It is now the 3/28 and still no response. All the talk and bs that he was spilling about caring and wanting to be there was a waste of time. I have decided to not waste anymore time on him as right now is about me and my healing. Sometimes we have to let things go and stop dealing with the nonsense of insecure men.



Wow. I am really sorry about your situation. IMO you hit the nail on the head. Good call on his selfish nonsense.



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