Hi all....I've just joined this group and have so many questions. I've considered surgery for so long but have never gotten the courage to go thru with it. However, I'm to the point now I just feel I really need to do this for my health. Years ago I would have done it just to look better, but I'm not even so concerned about that as much anymore (in my 60's)..but I feel my health has deteriorated due to weight issues and I just feel like every day I'm getting closer to having the big one if I don't lose some weight soon (appr 110# overwt)...As a side note, my spouse is probably 125# overweight, so he could use the surgery as well, but would never consider it or even try to lose it any other way. That's a whole other topic! LOL

We eat out quite a lot, but I do cook as well, but not the healthiest. I'm very concerned about having the surgery and how it's going to affect our relationship. I am so afraid that I'm going to become depressed or even angry when we do eat, whether out or at home, watching him eat whatever while I sit and eat a 1/2 cup of food, and worse yet having to cook it knowing I can't eat it. I could see me not wanting to even eat out much anymore just because the foods I always loved I could no longer have and would be hard to sit and watch him eat.

I've mentioned to him about having the surgery and I know he'd prefer I didn't do it just because of how different I will be eating/cooking, but he's also said if I want to do it ...go for it, although sometimes I think he's just saying that because he thinks I'd never really go through with it because he knows how much i love food. I just feel like this is going to put such a strain on our marriage. Not to the point of divorce but just feeling more disconnected. We aren't involved in a lot and unfortunately eating out is pretty much all we do together. I feel like things are going to be so different once I have this surgery. In addition, our daughter will be moving out next month, which is going to be life changing for us as well. At least with her here I wouldn't feel so bad having to cook a big meal but to do it for just one person I feel would be hard to do.

I'm curious to know if WLS has affected your marriage or relationship with your spouse and if so how have you handled it.

This sounds very familiar. I felt the same way before my surgery. I've been with my boyfriend for 10 years now. I kept telling him through my process that i loved him and that If anything about myself changes to put me in check lol.
We don't live together so it's easier to stick to my plan when I'm home. I kind of leave the weekend for any off plan eating because i KNOW how things are for me when we are together. Ive gotten better with my choices around him but it's been a struggle. He is also overweight. We were the same weight for years. He wants to get healthy "but food is life" lol. He is really proud of me and hasn't made a huge deal about my loss like everyone else which makes me feel more at ease. He's been really great. Trying to accommodate my new dietary needs and making sure i can eat what he wants to cook. Of course i get upset when he wants me to help him make pizza and cake (this past weekend), but i either do or don't help him. I get an attitude and tell him it's rude cause i can't eat it and we go back and forth but only half serious. He makes me walk with him everywhere. Friday we walked over 6miles and saturday over 3. I think it's easier because we don't live together but 10 years with someone and you learn to work around some things. At least we have. I hope you can feel better about things. It'll get easier.