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It turns out that I do, in fact, have a teeny stomach
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Well, I had my first (and hopefully last) episode of vomiting. I went for a walk and after coming home, I was incredibly thirsty. Without thinking, I gulped many gulps of delicious, cool Water.
TERRIBLE DECISION. Instant regret. Holy guacamole. After about a minute or so of awful pain, I felt nauseous. That water came right back up and out.
Let my mistake be your lesson: do not drink large quantities quickly. Be mindful every time you put something into your mouth.