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I did all the bad things!
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Well, maybe not all of them. And it was more like I bent the rules instead of trashing them and behaving like an unrestrained hedonist.
Mrs. LittleBill and I were invited to the 60th birthday party of one of our neighbors. Today was the big event. This neighbor lives in the swanky development that was built on the rest of the farmland from which our little slice of heaven was parceled off. Any of the parties back there are guaranteed to be overflowing with all sorts of food and booze. This one promised to be no different. I knew I had a challenge in front of me, so I planned out my actions ahead of time, keeping in mind the 80/20 rule advocated by the people in my program.
We started off with some good stuff. We can see their house from our back porch. It is about 250 yards away. Going straight there is out of the question though, as it involves negotiating some steep hills, and a fencerow with brambles, sticky burr bushes, an old wire fence designed to catch the unaware, and various wild animals that often don't take kindly to being disturbed. So we opted to walk the road, making the trip about 500 yards or so. It is not all that long, but any walking is good walking. I joked with Mrs. LittleBill that we could drink as much as we wanted since we weren't driving. The walk back might be longer, but the cops would not get us.
Of course, we do not drink like that. It is too far for one of us to drag the other, and besides, it is not good for our livers. But going in, I knew I needed a plan ahead of time to be successful. As soon as we entered, we were offered drinks. We both opted for the punch bowl, which was some sort of sangria concoction. This had the advantage of being weak, and in this case it was not too sugary, so that was good. I filled my glass about halfway up and proceeded to nurse it very slowly. So Bad Thing No. 1 was drinking alcohol, but I had already tried it with the blessing of my CRNP, and I knew what I could do. I merely write "bad" because it is one of the favorite things for people to wag their fingers about.
I reconnoitered the food tables to see what was there that would be relatively safe to eat. They had a big ole pot of meatballs in a very light juice that looked promising. There was also some sort of wraps that looked like mostly carbs, so they were off the list immediately. The ham and cheese sandwiches with the big fluffy rolls were out. Next to those, though, were some very tasty looking crab cakes. The breading looked to be very thin, so they went on the maybe list. In the other room there was a huge bowl of peeled shrimp and a bowl of cocktail sauce next to it. That went on the definite list.
After taking some very small sips of my drink, I combined a couple of things into Bad Thing No. 2. I violated the do not eat within 30 minutes rule to sample some of the delicacies mentioned above. I probably went with 10 minutes. The shrimp went down very well with just the smallest taste of cocktail sauce. The meatballs were mostly meat, and the juice was indeed light, with just a hint of sweetness. I let most of that drip off. The crab was excellent, and as I surmised, the breading was very light indeed. I am sure there was some filler, but it was also minimal.
Bad Thing No. 3 was a very small - and I mean minuscule - piece of birthday cake. This was the kind of party where there were about 60 people present, and one sheet cake. I simply asked for a teeny tiny piece that was not a corner. Sweet things have been something of a challenge for me since surgery. It is not that I crave them. In fact, I have not craved them at all, and I was a 2-3 pack junkie of Tastykakes every day before I started my program. Since I started this journey back in June, cake has been on the "Do not eat" list. The challenge for me since surgery is the sugar tends to upset my stomach. So I nibbled at my tiny piece very slowly, while talking with a group of neighbors. It is easy to eat slowly when you are telling stories.
We spent about four hours there, and I was able to eat stuff that wasn't quite ideal, but not off the reservation. I sipped a bit of booze, and had a tiny bit of sugar. I am sitting here at home now, with no ill effects, and pounding down some Water to get myself back to my regular Spartan practice. It was an enjoyable time, and most satisfying was being able to camouflage myself in a way that no one suspected I had an odd eating pattern or requirement.
One neighbor did notice I lost weight, and it was another guy.
But he is happily married, so I don't have to worry about him hitting on me or anything. 
I was actually surprised he noticed. We wave at each other when he drives by, but we only come face to face about once a year. We had not seen each other up close and personal since October of '15. At the end, we made our way home in the near apocalypse snow flurries without incident. We'll see if we actually get the 1-3" they are forecasting.