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And then, this happened...

LisaMergs

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LisaMergs    2,857

LisaMergs
Posted

Last night I was at a "girls night out" with about 11 friends. We say we're playing a dice game, but really, it's an excuse to get out together once a month, let loose and have some cocktails.

I had not seen a few in a month or two, and was "praised" for my weight loss.

Oddly enough, at the end of the night, three of them came to me and said "don't lose any more".

I stopped dead in my tracks.

I'm still about 10-12 lbs from goal. A HEALTHY goal. The weight I was 10 years ago. The only time I was ever "underweight" I was 24 and took losing a few pounds too far.

I was kind of flabbergasted, speechless. (Believe me- words not falling off my lips doesn't happen often.) I "recovered" and jokingly pointed out the couple of spots that still needed to diminish.

Has this ever happened to any of you? How did you respond?

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shedo82773    1,236

shedo82773
Posted

Yes, it did happen to me. I got below my goal weight and my Surgeon and my PCP got worried. They thought I was losing muscle because I lost my weight so fast. That was strange for me because I have never in all my 60 years been told to stop losing weight. Then my nieces, hubby and my daughter all said that I needed to stop losing weight they were very concerned about me. Again NEVER in my life had anyone spoke those words to me. Then my Surgeon's Nurse came up to me and ask me if I had ever stopped losing weight. I then told her that I had actually gained 8#'s. Everyone that had said, I was to thin were beside themselves that I looked so much healthier after those 8#'s. I also felt better. What a difference to go from people ( Dr's and all) saying that I had lost to much weight. But...I was and still am so petrified to gain any weight at all. I have maintained my loss for 2 and 1/2 years. I guess I didn't handle what was being said to well because I still see that fat person. I am working hard on being nicer to Myself. When I look in the mirror I still don't see my body weighing 125#'s. I just hope I can eventually see her. It really feels strange when someone says YOU ARE SO SKINNY!! Or you don't look like you ever was overweight.

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BigViffer    3,545

BigViffer
Posted

It's very common. Many of us have been large or a long time that it has become part of our perceived identity. I still make a comment along te lines of "a big guy like me" and get funny looks from people that don't know what I looked like before. It takes a long time to make the adjustment; not only in our minds but in the minds of others. Their mental image of you hasn't caught up with the reality of it yet.

On the flip side of it, in more rare cases, there are some that develop eating disorders. There was a Soup sandwich of a person on here a while ago that went crazy with the not eating and was reduced to skin and bones. Those are the ones that should have probably been better vetted or had more intense therapy before being approved.

In your situation, just give them time. Smile and laugh it off and just ignore them.

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OutsideMatchInside    10,166

OutsideMatchInside
Posted

I want to lose more weight so I am at a healthy BMI but physically I am small enough as is. If I ever get my skin removed, I will lose a size or 2.

I was morbidly obese in the super category for a long time. That has changed my body forever and my muscle. I am smaller now at a higher weight than I was in college. That is because of my muscle density.

So you might not need to lose more pounds. You can lose inches working out/surgery.

As weird as losing a lot of weight is for us, it is just as weird to the people around us and I think we forget it. I'm half the person I used to be, almost literally, and that is a lot for me to handle and other people also.

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Babbs    14,681

Babbs
Posted

I think I must look in proportion or something, because I've never gotten those comments, lol. I think 10-15 pounds I probably would.

I've told this story before, but when my husband was lamenting to his surgeon about people telling him he looked too thin, too skinny, blah blah blah, his surgeon said "There are so many obese and overweight people these days, they don't even know what a normal, healthy weight looks like anymore".

Made sense to me.

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LisaMergs    2,857

LisaMergs
Posted

@@BigViffer

Thank you. Funny enough, I don't see myself NOW as overweight. Because my weight GAIN was so fast (meds etc caused it) I was always startled by my heavy appearance then-- I always expected to see the trim, fit person I've once again become.

Like many, it became "who" I was to others--

But your suggestion to smile and laugh it off---excellent. I appreciate your insight.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

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LisaMergs    2,857

LisaMergs
Posted

I want to lose more weight so I am at a healthy BMI but physically I am small enough as is. If I ever get my skin removed, I will lose a size or 2.

I was morbidly obese in the super category for a long time. That has changed my body forever and my muscle. I am smaller now at a higher weight than I was in college. That is because of my muscle density.

So you might not need to lose more pounds. You can lose inches working out/surgery.

As weird as losing a lot of weight is for us, it is just as weird to the people around us and I think we forget it. I'm half the person I used to be, almost literally, and that is a lot for me to handle and other people also.

I went for a plastics consult last month to get a handle on the costs so I could financially prepare for it.. Surgeon was willing to do the procedures immediately. Basically said what you did-- skin removal would take care of the last few pounds.

Because my gain was directly related to meds and my now in-remission disease, he wasn't concerned with me maintaining a year after I was finished losing.

Lottery tickets need to be purchased lol. Plastics is EXPENSIVE!!

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LisaMergs    2,857

LisaMergs
Posted

@@Babbs

Truth. What IS normal???

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gowalking    10,790

gowalking
Posted

It's very common. Many of us have been large or a long time that it has become part of our perceived identity. I still make a comment along te lines of "a big guy like me" and get funny looks from people that don't know what I looked like before. It takes a long time to make the adjustment; not only in our minds but in the minds of others. Their mental image of you hasn't caught up with the reality of it yet.

On the flip side of it, in more rare cases, there are some that develop eating disorders. There was a Soup sandwich of a person on here a while ago that went crazy with the not eating and was reduced to skin and bones. Those are the ones that should have probably been better vetted or had more intense therapy before being approved.

In your situation, just give them time. Smile and laugh it off and just ignore them.

This.

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Fredbear    397

Fredbear
Posted

@@Babbs

Truth. What IS normal???

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

"Oh honey chil', 'Normal' is just a settin' on yo' dryer."

"When all is said and done, usually more has been said than done. "

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x0stina    16

x0stina
Posted

Dont let anyone discourage you. If you have a goal you go for it girl. This happen to my mom ppl told her she was way to skinny when she was at the weight she wanted to be at so she gained. Dont let that happen to you.

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BayougirlMrsS    3,938

BayougirlMrsS
Posted

@@LisaMergs when I fir Started my weight loss journey. About 6 months in I started to get the same comments.... Your so thin, your too thin, how much more are you planning to lose.... Blah blah blah. So I went on to lose 40 more to give them something else to talk about.

lisa, how do you feel about yourself? Are you happy with you? With you progress? How do you feel when you look in the mirror? When you get Dressed up do you feel good? I'm sure it's all great. You do you girl and be happy and proud of where you are

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LisaMergs    2,857

LisaMergs
Posted

I feel VERY comfortable in my own skin... Even the parts that need to be tucked lol.

I am back to having the confidence in myself I thought was forever lost.

As for the last few pounds? If they don't ever come off, that's ok, too.

8 months ago I could not walk without aid.

Anything better than that was a win in my book.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

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Ldybg8879    13

Ldybg8879
Posted

I have only lost 25 pounds since my surgery, and my coworkers and family have already started telling me, "Don't get too skinny, now." It irritates me. I could lose a hundred more pounds and not be "too skinny." I want to be healthy, not skinny. I don't need people telling me how much weight to lose. Maybe I'm just over sensitive about it, though. lol

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Go To Topic Listing General Weight Loss Surgery Discussions

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    • Alisa_S

      Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

    • Alisa_S

      Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

    • CaseyP1011

      CaseyP1011

      Officially here for a long time, not just a good time💪
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