Fear of Failure

[micro_me 7]

Hi--

I am still in the pre-op phase. I have done a lot of research and educated myself about the risks and benefits of surgery. I have a BMI of 48 and several significant comorbidities.

Bariatric surgery is something I've thought about for a long time and now I am finally ready to make the leap. I know I need to do something drastic because dieting has never produced significant weight loss.

But here's the problem. I've been meeting with a nutritionist for 2 months now (hoping for surgery in February). For the first 3 weeks, I was wonderful, I tracked and I was focused on making good choices and I lost about 10 lbs. Then, something changed. I'm honestly not sure what. I just wanted to eat. I was hungry (real hunger, head hunger, I'm not sure). I gave into my desires and I started making bad choices.

I keep trying to get back on track and I keep failing. I don't know what's wrong with me. Why I can't just stick to the program.

I am so scared that if I don't figure out what is driving this, no amount of surgery is going to help me.

If you've been where I am, how did you get through it? Were you able to figure out your triggers? What were they? Any advice would be greatly appreciated! I really want this, I NEED this, but for some reason, I can't seem to stay on program. I am mad at myself and scared that this is an indicator that I'm not ready or that I am going to fail at losing or maintaining weight loss.

[KristenLe 5,980]

It's not easy to stay on a diet - that's why most of us needed surgery. The best thing I did preop was go to a therapist who worked with my Bariatric Program to deal with emotional eating. More mindless or boredom eating than anything else. I strongly recommend therapy. I am 2 weeks post-op and was able to do 2 weeks pre-op liquid diet without"cheating" and feel like I'm doing well post-op. It's more mental than physical. The Sleeve is only a tool - but it is a good tool!

[micro_me 7]

Thanks, KristenLe. I just reached out to my nutritionist to see if she could recommend a counselor. I feel like I need to figure out what is driving me to eat unhealthy foods or I will never be successful. It scares me that it was so easy for me to follow my plan for nearly a month and then suddenly, it felt impossible to follow, and I don't know what caused the change.

For the past hour, I've been staring at the clock WILLING it to be noon so I can eat my lunch even though I have eaten plenty already (2 HB eggs, oatmeal, peanuts/cheese). I drank a bunch of Water and I'm still praying for lunchtime. I don't understand why I am so 'hungry'.

[sc101071 398]

That's a lot of people on this forum. Be sure to discuss your eating issues with your surgeon to determine the best surgery for you.

But the surgery is not just restrictive. It also gets rid of most of your hunger. That may not be enough with emotional or compulsive eating but for me it's been as important as the restriction so far. Good luck.

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[micro_me 7]

Thanks for the advice. I knew I would find at least some people who have been through similar things.

I've never considered myself a compulsive eater and I don't really binge, but I definitely make bad choices.

Yesterday, I had my Breakfast and lunch packed, no excuses. But on the drive in, I started thinking about McDonalds and wanting the type of breakfast I used to get. It was like I was on autopilot. I went through the drive through and got my breakfast. It wasn't a huge amount of food, just a meal, but it was a huge amount of fat and calories.

It was so good in the moment, but I instantly felt like crap for eating it.

That lead to me skipping lunch because I already had so many calories. Then I got home and had to finish the crockpot dinner and I was so hungry because I hadn't eaten lunch that I had leftover Halloween candy, which again tasted great that moment, but then I felt like crap. So I had a tiny portion of the dinner I made and went to bed early so I wouldn't be tempted to eat any more.

There is absolutely no excuse for me going to McDonalds. I wasn't depressed or stressed or anything. I just wanted it, so I got it. And then I let that one bad choice derail my whole day.

I know the sleeve will help curb hunger, but I don't know that it will keep me from making bad choices. And I know at some point, that hunger is going to come back and I am scared for what will happen to me when it does.

[missmickeyd 55]

I went through all the same emotions that you are speaking of, failed diets, cheating on diets, hungry every minute. I even cheated on the two week liquid diet. I am 3 weeks post op and it is still hard because you have to be disciplined, i still want chips and fast food but i risk damage to my stomach besides after two bites i cant eat anything after that or the food gets stuck in my throat and then I have to vomit. Its really hard but i just have to say its a lifestyle cant turn back.

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[KristenLe 5,980]

The 1st thing the therapist had me do is keep a food diary but not only what I was eating but my mood or feelings at the time. I also wrote a list (ongoing) of all the great things I want to do once I lose weight and keep revisit anytime I have a feeling of going off plan. I also kept a list of the answers to every time I said "Why bother...?". I said that often because even when I ate healthy - the weight barely came off and I'd give up.

[micro_me 7]

I use MFP to track my food. I wonder if I should start adding notes when I eat or just notes in general throughout the day.

I keep talking about my weight loss 'bucket list' but I have yet to write it down. That's a great idea. I need to remember why I am doing this and possibly add visual reminders to my car and kitchen which tend to be the sites of most of my bad choices. Thanks for the tip!

[Babbs 14,681]

Exactly what @@KristenLe said! And @@sc101071 made a great point, also. One of the HUGE benefits of the sleeve surgery is that it removes the hunger hormone, so the will to eat is much less and that helps a ton. That's not to say there still isn't head hunger, but there are tools around that, and if you learn and utilize them, that's a huge win.

I looked at the surgery as kind of a "do over", so I was pretty dead serious about making it work, even when I never could before the surgery. I didn't want to squander this great tool, and I truly believe a lot of people get their heads in the game post op when they couldn't before. It's a nice push for us that way.

This is a mostly mental game, and it really does come down to how badly you want to succeed. You will have weak times, slip ups, and moments when you just want to quit. But the difference between people who really 'want it' and people who don't is that the people who really want it don't quit.

[mrsNilla 304]

I'm still on my pre-op diet, but I figured out (finally!!) that carbs are my enemy and Proteins my friend. Pretty basic, right?

I ate carbs, I got cravings.

I eat Proteins, I stick to my diet.

I'm getting rny on Nov 21st and my diet is going so well that my hubby asked (very nicely, I might add) if I really need it. It'll be my insurance, in case I get some stupid ideas.

Nilla

[NotOnMyWatch 54]

It's taken me about 4 months of therapy, a month of soul searching at the lake, a lot changes to other parts of my life that were "weighing me down" and a toe dip into OA to finally figure out my triggers and how to overcome them.

For me, much of my overeating was visual. Donuts that I bought for my son on the counter? Mine. Hubby's chips on top of the fridge? Mine. I spent last weekend rearranging my kitchen so that my triggers were hidden and all 'my' food waz in one cabinet so that I don't have to open the others. So far, so good.

Good luck!

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[ShelterDog64 2,364]

My .02 on this topic, it's mostly mental. Seeing a therapist will help you a great deal, I'd think. It's helpful to learn what triggers you and to get some help with coping mechanisms and some ways to re-train yourself to new, better habits.

But keep in mind that things will be markedly different after surgery...at first, quite honestly, you're going to feel crappy and not want to eat at all. Then you'll gradually start introducing foods back into your diet and I found it easy to just not allow the bad foods back in. When you're going to have a 'meal' and it's 3T of food, it's a LOT easier to pick something that will fuel your body and healing vs being able to cram in cups of food so that you can eat a ton of carbs and still get Protein in.

I'm not a saint, and I'm only in my 5th month post-op, but it's been easier than I anticipated to NOT eat the crap that contributed to my fat state. Most of those foods aren't even remotely appealing and if I DO eat a bit of them, I usually have a negative physical reaction that inhibits me the next time I think about it.

I make sure I've always got good choices in the house....cheese, lean deli meats, yogurt, cottage cheese, canned Beans, tuna, etc. I'm going through a phase right now where meats are NOT sitting well, so I'm on a heavy dairy/legume diet for the time being, and have gone back to using Protein powder twice a day. It's not a linear movement forward at all times, it's a back-and-forth/up-and-down as you retrain your stomach and your head.

I say this often, but half of the battle is being ready for the battle and thinking ahead to what you'll need to conquer in order to come out on top. You're doing that now and that alone makes you more ready for your new post-op life than many people. Good luck!

[rolosmom7 740]

One more vote for working with a counselor or therapist!!! The mental journey is the toughest part.