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Loved ones not supportive.

Alistmurf

By Alistmurf, in Gastric Sleeve Surgery Forums

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Alistmurf    23

Alistmurf
Posted

I'm wondering if anyone had issues with husbands and in laws not being supportive. My husband was on board until his mother got involved and now he forbids it. I'm wondering if anyone went along with their decision even without the support? Did they come around after? I'm really stressed and bummed out. I need to hear some simular stories and how they panned out.

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FunkyMunkyBrat    205

FunkyMunkyBrat
Posted

He... Forbid it?! .. WoW .. Sorry, no, I can't help, my family is totally supportive.. I'm the type if you try to "forbid" me I'm damn sure going to do it now whether I really wanted to or not.. But I hope if this is something you really want and feel is necessary for your health that you can get it through his head

Munky

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Fredbear    397

Fredbear
Posted (edited)

If my spouse forbade me to do anything I'd have an ex-spouse.

Have some self-respect.

"When all is said and done, usually more has been said than done. "

Edited by Fredbear

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glitter eyes    1,398

glitter eyes
Posted

My family was supportive. However, in the beginning my husband was so worried and scared for me to have it done. He said he was scared I would die and he loved me at any size. He never forbade me. He know that ultimately it is and was my body. I took him to my surgeon appointment and a support group meeting and that set his mind at ease.

Maybe your husband just needs a little education on the procedure. But this is something that you do for yourself and no one else. If it is important to you do not let anyone's opinion hold you back!!

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Dawnislas    74

Dawnislas
Posted

I'm also the type that would do it just because I could but the best technique is to follow glitter eyes advice and take him to an appointment to hear it all in person. But in the end people have to do what is best for them and their life. Good luck. This has truly helped me in so many areas of my life.

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amberb1979    31

amberb1979
Posted

I would love to bring him to an appointment, but there is 9nly one place in canada that does the sleeve. I'm in BC and their in Ontario. So it's literally across Canada.

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I'm in Bc and went to Mexico. Tell.him to come with you and enjoy a mini vacation ?

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Alistmurf    23

Alistmurf
Posted

I would love to bring him to an appointment, but there is 9nly one place in canada that does the sleeve. I'm in BC and their in Ontario. So it's literally across Canada.

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I'm in Bc and went to Mexico. Tell.him to come with you and enjoy a mini vacation ?

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He's going to stay home with the kids. My mom is coming with me. My surgeon is pretty amazing and is willing to do a phone consultation, but he's not even up for that.

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PorkChopExpress    826

PorkChopExpress
Posted

You need to have a talk with your husband about why he feels so strongly against you doing it, and then try helping him see it from your perspective. But a lot of times, I think people react this way for either concern for your health and well-being (fear of complications or even death from surgery), OR they do it because they have their own selfish reasons for you to remain as you are. It's hard to say what his motive is, but you need to clear the air with him and if it's important to you, which I'm sure it is, put your foot down. It's for your long-term health, which is no joke...and your family should appreciate that fact.

To forbid someone from doing something that will improve their health and longevity dramatically is asinine to me. There's something else at work, here.

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Nikkinee    94

Nikkinee
Posted

This is probably why I'm single. I always wonder at what stage in a relationship does one person start to claim ownership over the other, or think they have a right to tell you what to do, what to spend, who to see. You're your own person. Just because you're in a relationship with someone doesn't mean they suddenly own you. F*** that.

Sorry OP, I have misplaced anger issues.

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chavezmommy    146

chavezmommy
Posted

My husband was hesitant to support me having the sleeve. The reason is because he had gastric bypass and he really struggled with addiction issues there after. To both of our surprise I came out of it very healthy emotionally and mentally. I spoke with him at length about why he did not want me to have the surgery. And it boiled down to the concern about emotional or addiction issues that could arise after surgery.

I recommend that you go to counseling with your husband to discuss this. It sounds like he is shutting down for some reason. After you have the surgery you will need his support and certainly not any anger, resentment etc. This is because your body will be healing, and your hormones may be a bit out of whack, equating to an emotional roller coaster. You will also be losing your best friend that may have been helping you cope with issues in the past – food.

Having his issues on top of it is something that you should try to get in front of before you have the surgery. As far as your in-laws, I have seen that once I get my husband on board my in laws fall in line. Good luck you can do this and it will be worth it. God bless you.

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The New Kel    1,312

The New Kel
Posted (edited)

I would ask why his mom is so against it. What could her reasons be?

Then I would have a heart to heart with him and ask him why HE is against it. Ultimately, if he wants you to be happy and healthy, he will support you.

It is your body, and no one can forbid you.

Edited by The New Kel

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co-lyndee    5

co-lyndee
Posted

You have to do what is right for you and if he loves you he will get over it. Husbands, family friends do not have to agree with your decisions but they should support you. This is a huge life change maybe couples counselling might help

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Go To Topic Listing Gastric Sleeve Surgery Forums

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    • Alisa_S

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      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
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      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
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      1. summerseeker

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