What was your breaking point? When did you realize "I cannot keep living like this"

I'm up, and cannot sleep... And can't help but wonder, "how did this happen to me?!" I'm 22 years old, and fairly active... Well I thought I was until I realized my phone has a tracker and I wasn't doing nearly as much as I should've been doing. (That has since changed). I have twin girls, and realize that my mother can now get up and get to them quicker than I can. My mom is only 43, but that's no excuse. There is absolutely no reason why she should be more fit than me. None at all. My girls get away with more than they should because I'm too tired, or too lazy, to get up and remove them from what they're choosing to mess with at that moment... My girls are two. I am depriving myself of seeing their future. Everyday. I just don't get it.

How at 22 years old have I allowed myself to get to the weight that I am? And why hasn't the things that I've tried worked for me?

-Slim4Life: I lost 30 pounds! Felt great, but slowly and surely the weight crept back on.

-Weight watchers: same deal.

-21 day fix was super complicated for me.

I don't get. I've tried several little "crash diets" but nothing came of it.

This surgery is one of my last resorts.

I want to know what it feels like to feel and genuinely look amazing, healthy. I want to know what it's like to walk into a room and literally not be the biggest one there. I want to know how it feels to not worry about not waking up the next day.

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I lost 4 stone on the Cambridge Diet 2 years ago and slowly but surely 3 stone crept back on over time. Surgery had never crossed my mind before. I stumbled across an advert online initially for a type of liposuction then my research progressed from there.

The point I realised I had to do this was when I stopped going out. I was ashamed of the weight I had gained. I stopped looking in the mirror, my nice clothes didn't fit me anymore, I was drinking more.

The final straw was when I was at a good friends wedding. I am known for being the life and soul of the party with this group of friends, but I was quiet, subdued, couldn't muster up the enthusiasm to make small talk with people and I felt fat and frumpy. I confided in a friend that I couldn't stay and I was leaving the wedding early. She was so lovely about it and told me 'I always looked good' but I didn't feel good. I knew I couldn't do something as drastic as the Cambridge diet, or any diet, again without any extra tools.

The weekend after the wedding I had a consultation for a gastric band and had the surgery within two weeks (18th July).

Other than depression and anxiety I had no underlying health conditions and my weight wasn't preventing me from doing anything physically but I wanted to take action before it got to that point. My life was already closing in on me and causing deep depression. Enough was enough.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

Man, I can relate so much to this. Two years ago, I was exactly where you are. I was even 22 at the time. I truly never believed that things could change, and I felt like I would NEVER be anywhere near where I want to be. I was over 400 pounds (probably closer to 500...) and everything just felt.. hopeless. The whole "how did this happen" thing was the first big thing I had to get over to move forward after my PCOS specialist suggested wls. In the end, it doesn't matter HOW it happened. We're just conditioned to hate ourselves for being fat. Especially us younger people who got very heavy. It's hard to watch everyone else starting their lives, looking and feeling beautiful and healthy, in the prime of their physical lives, while we huff and puff trying to walk across a room of up a flight of stairs. We see them, and see us, and of course we're going to feel bad. In my case, I even had to leave school because of my physical limitations and the huge anxiety and depression that came from those limitations.

Now at almost a year post op, I look sort of "normal." My health is pretty perfect. I'm going back to school next month, I fit into average (though still a little plus size) clothing, and generally everything is vastly improved. My life is coming together, and I'm STILL struggling to forgive myself for mistakes that are long since over. The whole point in the end is how you fix it, and how things improve. Some people struggle with drug addictions or alcohol addiction, some people struggle with depression and anxiety so bad that it leaves their lives in shambles. We have our own struggles and our own addictions to contend with. No one becomes truly obese just because they like food or are lazy or something, contrary to popular belief. There is always some other physical, emotional, or physiological reason. Often all three. So recognize your struggles, create your goal, and just start heading that way. Forgive yourself for things that are over and can't change. Move forward into the life you want and become the person you dreamed you could be but never thought you could become. We're so young, and we're fixing this NOW. You have your entire life ahead of you, and if you work hard and learn to love yourself regardless of any mistakes you have made or will make, that life can be more amazing than you ever even dreamed. Not only that, but being healthy and happy is the best possible thing you can do for your babies. You deserve this, and so do they.

Be easy on yourself. Move forward, always. One day at a time. <3