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Never have I ever been too happy to start my period!
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Hi all. In all of the investigation and research, I have never felt the need to share much. But woo hoo, this week has been a roller coaster.
My investigation into bariatric surgery began in April of this year with a chance catch at the bottom of my insurance coverage. Read my thoughts in bold:
Services Your Plan Does NOT Cover (This isn’t a complete list. Check your policy or plan document for other excluded services.)
*Cosmetic surgery (unless reconstructive) - well craptasic applesauce, this melasma mustache isn't going anywhere. Google it.
*Dental care (Adult) - cool, I have dental.
*Routine foot care (limited coverage may apply) - k?
*Infertility treatment (limited coverage may apply) - good? Babies at 40 aren't my thing.
*Weight loss programs - da fu? Really. Not even when you can track success and follow a plan, huh?
*Long-term care - getting old in America is going to suck. Good thing my husband came with a kid and he likes me more.
Other Covered Services (This isn’t a complete list. Check your policy or plan document.)
*Hearing aids - hmmm.
*Private-duty nursing - hmmm.
*Routine eye care (Adult) - nice.
*Non-emergency care when traveling outside the U.S. - Is my passport current?
*Acupuncture - this is progressive. Nice.
*Bariatric (preauthorization required) - hmmm.
*Chiropractic care - CRACK! ... Wait, what was that last one?
Mention to my mom,"hey think my insurance has good coverage for bariatric surgery. Like, maybe the deductible and that's it." (Shoulder shrug) And BAM, the ball gets rolling. PCP calls. Centers of excellence calls. Appointments start. I tell random strangers what to do with me if I am in a vegetative state. My husband asks, "are you sure?" Yep. Schedule. Over schedule. Cancel. Try and find a willing doc for the psych evaluation. Call after call. Sleep eval. Endoscopy. (BTW I can't handle any opiate without vomit.) I have cramps. Call from the care coordinator, "sending you stuff through,but your sleep eval issue?" Huh? Magic same night cpap appointment available.
BUT Not even worried. It will happen when it happens. Delays are no biggie. I can adjust schedules based on surgery date. Find sitters. Breathe. No rush. This is a big deal. Hell, I'm not even approved. Ummm. Where is my period? Seriously. I have an app for that. Where is it? It's never late. I am taking calls from intake doctors. Yep, everything is normal. Calls from appointment setters. Yes, that will work just fine. (8/16 BTW). But, where is my period?!?!? When I got married and was asked the inevitable, " when are you going to have a baby?" (Which is a question that deserves a punch in the face, BTW.) I always responded with, "it'll be by accident." Well hell, not this week! Not 4 years later. My goodness, The doctor stopped mid interview and asked, " you know you can get pregnant without using protection?" Duh (with an eye roll). And so begins my penance. No damn blood.
BUT today was a crampy, blessed miracle. Thank the sweet baby jesus I do not personally believe in. I started my period.
Happy Saturday y'all. I hope yours rocked as much as mine.