Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

holy hell **Confrontation or Enabling ?**



Recommended Posts

@@Djmohr

Your post really highlights a lot of my feelings about surgery. I had a friend that had open bypass back when that was the thing. They followed no post-op instructions, even up on a feeding tube at 26. That person never saw 35. I knew was doing the wrong thing, but I didn't know to what extent. It scared me. I thought, wow I can never have surgery the risks are too high.

I had another friend that had surgery more recently, bypass. They never changed their eating. They never cooked, post-op they were on that Wendy's Chili (which is why it drives me insane that people eat it), keeping the fast food eating out mentality going. They still ate out and ordered the same types of foods, still had sugar all the time (there goes that dumping safety net theory).

At that time I was trying to lose weight on my own following a WLS post-op diet, without having surgery. It was pure hell, normal people can't eat those quantities, but I was getting desperate. I eventually just went back to low carbing Keto. This person never adopted a healthy lifestyle and just dieted after surgery using some diet plan created by their trainer.

Now almost 4 years post-op, they have regained, after never meeting or getting anywhere close to goal, although they did lose over 100 pounds originally. They can't lose now, because they having too many issues making real changes. They never cooked, never learned about nutrition. Like when they aren't eating properly, they don't log it. The days you are eating off plan are the days to really log so you can see in print what you are doing and learn from it.

Now they are at then end of the line with no options. RNY is it, there really is no revision from that and if you didn't learn to eat right when it was easy in the honeymoon period, you are screwed. Now you have to struggle like everyone else with very little support from your tool to help you. There is no malabsorption at this point to fall back on. The initial tightness of the pouch is gone since pouches stretch.

So it drives me crazy to see so many people wasting their opportunity, because you can't get this time back. I need to learn to care a little less though, because I really need the support of being involved in a bariatric community to keep my focus.

Edited by OutsideMatchInside

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@@VSGAnn2014 @

I'm ok with making mistakes. I agree we should strive to do our best to get results.

If people recognize their mistake or reach out for support after weight gain. They have to do the work. If they choose to get back on the horse, I will cheer them on.

People that don't want to move forward...I don't invest my time.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I feel if you don't want to help in a sincere and thoughtful way keep your thoughts to yourself. If your gonna drag up others mistakes on a forum over n over again then why waste your time stressing yourselves out? Idk how long Alex is going to allow you to keep giving your 2 cents when u carry it to another post that doest involve them. I hope you get your vet forum soon. I don't see where you really want to help. Hurting people's feelings when they own up to a mistake usually makes things worse. It's easy to take disapproval from your parents and feel it again in some of these posts you call hard love. You can say it in a posotive encouraging way. If your so over it you can't keep quiet. I'm not saying this out of guilt. I'm saying it with empathy and compassion. Never make someone who comes here and admits and takes accountability feel lower then they already do. We are all people. We all are imperfect. People come here for help it doesn't have to be this way. I've learned a lot from reading here everything but I don't like what you call hard love. It's more sarcasm and str out rude at times.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

So, click on the profile of the person/people you don't like, look over to the right and click BLOCK. It's magical.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@@PatriotFan

You posted "I've learned a lot from reading here everything but I don't like what you call hard love. It's more sarcasm and str out rude at times."

So here it is...We are not talking about personal attacks. Don't respond to trolls.

If people can't take being confronted on behaviors that will have harmful effects or outcomes.. That's fine...it's a personal choice. The only person that has to be happy with their results is them.

tough love...Some times it may hurt to hear things you don't want to hear. Its a take it or leave it situation.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am a newbie and i just want to tell you vets that just by reading a lot of the forums has helped me a lot even at the end of June when I lost mu insurance and i had surgery scheduled for July 12th. I kept on liquids like my doctor said ( sometimes i hate it) i keep pushing as i have seen all the successful stories some highs and downs but at the end its all worth it. Im tired of this weight and hey with the support of this site i quit smoking and continue to strive. I just got a new approval from my new ins late afternoon yesterday and i was told that the wait to see this new Dr was about two weeks well what do you know im in luck someone canceled and now on the way to appointment.

What i want to say is please continue to do what you guys are doing as you are helping a lot of us newbies that really want to succeed and sometime have our moments

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@LipstickLady

So, click on the profile of the person/people you don't like, look over to the right and click BLOCK. It's magical.

Absolutely magical... ;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@@VSGAnn2014 @@LipstickLady

many people (out of shame) don't reconnect with support after weight gain. They feel they failed. Mistakes are made. My hope is they get back on the horse.

I don't want them feel that they will be beat down for mistakes on this site.

@@LipstickLady

I would miss your slaps to the side of my head. I got my big girl panties on. No need to block you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@@VSGAnn2014 @@LipstickLady

many people (out of shame) don't reconnect with support after weight gain. They feel they failed. Mistakes are made. My hope is they get back on the horse.

I don't want them feel that they will be beat down for mistakes on this site.

@@LipstickLady

I would miss your slaps to the side of my head. I got my big girl panties on. No need to block you.

LOVE TAPS. LOOOOOOOVE TAPS.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This may be a bit off-topic and I am NOT giving freedom to those who intentionally do themselves harm / disobey instructions, but.... Does anyone think that any of this "I can do whatever I want" is related to the increase in the number or surgeries and lack of care / instruction on doctors' part? I have heard that ANY general surgeon can perform bariatric surgery after completing a "workshop" (Or whatever that might be called). I feel like there are too many doctors out there trying to "get rich quick" off of this and not really investing in a "program". Additionally, doctors are finding ways to do it cheaper and cheaper (partly by not having to staff a team of people to have a complete "program"). I even went to someone who was a "Center of Excellence" and left because the NUT was absolutely horrid and never available. They had an RN on staff you might be able to reach but the surgeons were basically contracted to just do the surgery. (My point being that I don't think "Center of Excellence" designation is all it is cracked up to be.) I am just not sure doctors are helping patients see the seriousness of this procedure.

Anyway, I know I digressed but every time I see folks who don't know anything about post-op instructions, it worries me that the doctor(s) never took the time to educate them. I did a lot of my own research (including this site) and was still completely overwhelmed with remembering the info. Thank goodness for this website and then my intense desire to make this work and seeking out counseling and a viable NUT on my own. Without those 3 things, the "tool" as we like to call it would have been completely useless.

Regarding the rest of this conversation, I concur with most of you. The odd posts of very early post-ops seem mostly suspicious to me. If it appears to be a valid question and no one else has answered, I try to offer and opinion; otherwise, I try to just move on. I am immensely grateful for the information and advice I have received from the vets on here and want to pay it forward as much as I can but I have found myself of late a bit exhausted with some of the questions.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@@VSGAnn2014 @@LipstickLady

many people (out of shame) don't reconnect with support after weight gain. They feel they failed. Mistakes are made. My hope is they get back on the horse.

I don't want them feel that they will be beat down for mistakes on this site.

I don't think people should feel beat down for their mistakes but when people ask them simple questions on what they have been eating they immediately get defensive and never provide the details on what they have been except. Responses are like "not eating what I should" "some carbs" " a few crackers" "[insert stolen whatever while packing kids lunch]". Never any details. They aren't seriously looking for help, they are just looking for other people that have regained to whine with.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@@Daisee68

Everyone in America has to have insurance now. 37 states cover Bariatric surgery as an essential service which means insurance can't deny people that meet the guidelines.

Credit has opened back up and foreign Drs are aggressively advertising to American patients.

So there are more people having surgery outside and inside the US.

There are also so many people with BMIs over 40, that basically don't have any waiting period for surgery, because America is so fat.

And yeah, America is just so fat that a large chunk of the population qualifies for surgery.

So there is a massive influx of people having surgery, and it isn't stopping any time soon. The Sleeve is a fast and "easy" surgery. A doctor can do 10-12 a day easily.

WLS has become a for profit business. Welcome to the new norm.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

What would help this site tremendously are some moderators.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Nah, we don't need no stinking MOD's. Keeping us down, making us follow rules and such

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • LeighaTR

      Four days post surgery. I am sipping as fast as I can and getting NO WHERE near the goal of 60 - 80 grams of protein or the 64 oz of liquids. I just feel FULL. I don't know if it can still be the gas build up (I would think by now that would be gone) but it is a struggle to drink. And so far I have not had the nausea or spasms and don't want to wander into that territory by pushing too hard with liquids. I about passed out today as it was my most "strenuous" day. Went from second story to basement for shower and I was sure I was going to pass out. Looking back on my last few days I have had a total of less than 1000 calories. Am I just not getting enough nourishment in me? Once again a friday where I can't get ahold of the doc until Monday rolls back around so I am hoping maybe someone here has some experience on how to keep energy going. I do have fibromyalgia too and that may be where some added fatigue comes into play. How did you all fair with the goals the week after surgery?
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Doughgurl

      2 days until I fly out to San Diego to have my Bypass Surg. in Tiajuana Mexico. Not gonna lie, the nerves are starting to surface. I don't fear the surgery itself, or the fact that I'm traveling alone, but its the aftermath that I'm stressing about the most, after this 8 week wait. I'm excited to finally be here, but I am really dreading the post surgical chapter. I know its going to be tough, real tough and I think I'm just in my head to much now that the day i here. Wish me luck, Hopefully I'm one of the lucky ones, and everything goes smoothly. Cant wait to give an exciting update,. If there is anyone else have a June bypass or even a recent one, Id love to have someone to compare war stories with. Also, anyone near San Antonio Tx? See ya soon with the future me. 💜
      · 3 replies
      1. Phil Penn

        Good Luck this procedure is well worth it I am down to 249.6 lb please continue with the process..

      2. Selina333

        I'm in Houston so kind of near you and had the sleeve in Dec. Down 61 lbs. Feeling better. Was definitely worth it. I hope the everything is going well for you. Update us when you can!

      3. Doughgurl

        I am back home after my bypass surgery in Tiajuana. I'm post op day 4. Everything went great! I guess I'm one of the lucky ones who have not encountered much pain at all, no nausea thus far and I'm having no problem keeping down broths and water. Thank you for your well wishes. I cant wait to keep up this journey and have a chance at better health and simply better quality of life. I know there will be bumps in the road ahead, and everything won't be peaches and cream, but at least I have a great start so far. 😍

    • LeighaTR

      I am new here today... and only two weeks out from my sleeve surgery on the 23rd. I am amazed I have kept my calories down to 467 today so far... that leaves me almost 750 left for dinner and maybe a snack. This is going to be tough for two weeks... but I have to believe I can do it!
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Doughgurl

      Hey everyone. I'm new here so I thought I should introduce myself. I am 53y/o and am scheduled for Gastric Bypass on June 25th, 2025. I'm located in San Antonio, Texas. I will be having my surgery in Tiajuana Mexico. I've wanted this for years, but I always had insurance where bariatric procedures were excluded. Finally I am able to afford to pay out of pocket.  I can't wait to get started, and I hope I'm prepared for the initial period of "hell". I know what I have signed up for, but I'm sure the good to come will out way the temporary period of discomfort and feelings of regret. I'd love to find people to talk to who have been through the same procedure or experience before. So I look forward to meeting you all. Hope you have a great week!
      · 2 replies
      1. Selina333

        I'm so happy for you! You are about to change your life. I was so glad to get the sleeve done in Dec. I didn't have feelings of regret overall. And I'm down almost 60 lbs. I do feel a little sad at restaurants. I can barely eat half a kid's meal. I get adults meals often because kid ones don't have the same offerings at times. Then I feel obligated to eat on that until it's gone and that can be days. So the restaurant thing isn't great for me. All the rest is fine by me! I love feeling full with very little. I do wish I could drink when eating. And will sip at the end. Just a strong habit to stop. But I'm working on it! You will do fine! Just keep focused on your desire to be different. Not better or worse. But different. I am happy both ways but my low back doesn't like me that heavy. So I listened (also my feet!). LOL! Update us on your journey! I'm not far from you. I'm in Houston. Good luck and I hope it all goes smoothly! Would love to see pics of the town you go to for this. I've never been there. Neat you will be traveling for this! Enjoy the journey. Take it one day at a time. Sometimes a few hours at a time. Follow all recommendations as best you can. 💗

      2. Doughgurl

        Thank you so much for your well wishes. I am hoping that everything goes easy for me as well. We don't eat out much as it is, so it wont be too bad in that department. Thankfully. Also, I hear you regarding your back and feet!! I'd like to add knees to the list. Killing me as we speak! I'm only 5' so the weight has to go. Too short to carry all this weight. Menopause really did a doosey on me. (😶lol) My daughter also lives in Houston. with her Husband and my 5 grand-littles. I grew up in Beaumont, so I know Houston well, I will be sure to keep in touch and update you on my journey. I may need some advice in the future, or just motivation. Thank You so much for reaching out, I was hoping to connect with someone in the community. I really appreciate it. 💜

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×