Why do some folks try to ruin this forum?

[kmorri 1,689]

The last few weeks I've been seeing a lot of rude responses to posts........each time I saw one I wanted to respond and ask "WTH is your problem?"......but knew that would just add to the drama, and I think that's what those folks are seeking anyway......So I found this "Rant" section and decided this would be the place to express my low opinion of those posters that seem to think that name calling and talking down to people is the way to respond to posts on a support forum....I see this type of response most often from some of the long timers. I'm not going to name names, because I know you know who you are because it is obvious it is done intentionally.....My advice to those folks, is if you're no longer able to provide support without being sarcastic, maybe it's time you move on with your life and just leave the forum and find something you're good at......It's great to have long timers here that will share their experiences with newbies because it is priceless when shared appropriately.....but if you don't know how to do it in a way that is supportive, you're only being hurtful and may actually cause someone not to ask a future question for fear they will be attached for being stupid......

That's the end of my rant.............As Ellen says at the end of all her shows............"Be kind to one another"

[yguess 61]

I agree 100%,i see a couple of familiar faces (old members) and will not be surprised if they comment on here.

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[fluffy22 39]

BINGO! I've actually cut way down on my time spent here for exactly this reason. I'm a lurker but had come to rely on the information I found here. Thank goodness I discovered another group where there is only love and support. It's a support page, not a belittle page.

Love wins.

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[summerset 5,265]

[...]that seem to think that name calling and talking down to people is the way to respond to posts on a support forum....I see this type of response most often from some of the long timers.

It seems to be pretty common that this type of behavior happens. I've been around boards for a long, looooooong time and regardless of what the board was about: some of the long term users display that kind of behavior. While newbies are scolded because of it (from both members and moderators), the long term users are sometimes even cheered on for the same behavior. I've left quite a few boards because of this reason or visit them only occasionally.

Didn't notice it around here so far but in the end I'm still one of the n00bs and maybe I'm not reading the right threads.

Edited June 10, 2016 by summerset

[yguess 61]

Maybe they need to be reported

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[Photo925 100]

I totally agree!! I've come to completely scroll past what certain long term posters write because of the excessive negativity and just plain rudeness they display. Its sad that even on some of the the informational posts, where someone is just asking about a certain food or brand, people have to make sarcastic comments or jokes. Im all for good fun, but it just gets annoying when you are actually interested in a topic and some of the the long time users turn the thread into a joke with sarcastic or even sexual comments. It really devalues the board completely. I get that certain long term users seem to know everything about everything (mind you Im only speaking of a few, some of the long term posters are fantastic), but Im tires of newbies getting scolded for asking questions, when everyone here was a newbie at some point!!

[BigViffer 3,545]

I don't know if I am considered a vet or long time member yet, but I can relate to some of them. I have only been a member of this board for a little over a year. The number 1 thing I see that brings out the negative comments from veteran members though is newbies asking questions that have obvious answers that could be answered by either looking at a few threads only a couple of weeks old or using the search feature. Threads like:

• Soda/Pop consumption
• Stalls at only X weeks out
• Can I eat pizza?
• Can I drink beer?
• I've eaten half a deer carcass and I don't feel full
• I don't want to read the literature my surgeon gave me and I am too lazy to call them so I will ask the question here just like a hundred other people that have done the same.
• Drama queens/kings and pity partiers that don't want to change and are only looking for justification for not changing their lifestyle.

In those cases, when you see them over and over and over, it's hard to either take them seriously or not be jaded. Then there are the people that create profiles merely to spam or cause uproars. Me personally, I just avoid posting for the most part. I did not join for support rather I joined for information. I have made friends with a couple and as a consequence found support, but that was a lucky result of my contribution to the forums.

My advice, get what you need and ignore the rest.

[kmorri 1,689]

I don't know if I am considered a vet or long time member yet, but I can relate to some of them. I have only been a member of this board for a little over a year. The number 1 thing I see that brings out the negative comments from veteran members though is newbies asking questions that have obvious answers that could be answered by either looking at a few threads only a couple of weeks old or using the search feature. Threads like:

• Soda/Pop consumption
• Stalls at only X weeks out
• Can I eat pizza?
• Can I drink beer?
• I've eaten half a deer carcass and I don't feel full
• I don't want to read the literature my surgeon gave me and I am too lazy to call them so I will ask the question here just like a hundred other people that have done the same.
• Drama queens/kings and pity partiers that don't want to change and are only looking for justification for not changing their lifestyle.

In those cases, when you see them over and over and over, it's hard to either take them seriously or not be jaded. Then there are the people that create profiles merely to spam or cause uproars. Me personally, I just avoid posting for the most part. I did not join for support rather I joined for information. I have made friends with a couple and as a consequence found support, but that was a lucky result of my contribution to the forums.

My advice, get what you need and ignore the rest.

I agree with you. I totally understand that it is sometimes frustrating with folks ask questions that those of us that have been around for any length of time have seen over and over......but I don't believe those posts should prompt a sarcastic post from a vet.....just don't comment and the original poster will either get their answer from someone else or they will find it by researching on their own......there is never a need to be sarcastic to someone who is asking a question...

Don't get me wrong there have been many posts that I've read and am very grateful the original poster can't hear my thoughts!!! haha...............but I'm a nice enough person that I'm going to either not respond to their post, or I'm going to be thoughtful when I do post and use the golden rule of "Do unto others as you'd have done to you"....just pure human kindness.

[Read2016 658]

Thanks for bringing attention to this problem... I guess I've been on here about six weeks... The sarcastic and rude comments I find are attention seeking on behalf of those who write them. Those kind of comments shut down the conversation of the thread and defeat the information sharing that could unfold on a threat.This is a forum for adults, it's simple to say we agree to disagree and let it be... Odd too how once they create drama, they go off and create threads about more positive topics... I feel on this forum we need to show extra sensitivity as the surgical process and the changes it brings has people a somewhat stressed to begin with...

It's not what you say it how you say it, points can be expressed with sensitivity and kindness.

Edited June 10, 2016 by nyteacher125

[jaxmom 644]

I don't know if I am considered a vet or long time member yet, but I can relate to some of them. I have only been a member of this board for a little over a year. The number 1 thing I see that brings out the negative comments from veteran members though is newbies asking questions that have obvious answers that could be answered by either looking at a few threads only a couple of weeks old or using the search feature. Threads like:

• Soda/Pop consumption
• Stalls at only X weeks out
• Can I eat pizza?
• Can I drink beer?
• I've eaten half a deer carcass and I don't feel full
• I don't want to read the literature my surgeon gave me and I am too lazy to call them so I will ask the question here just like a hundred other people that have done the same.
• Drama queens/kings and pity partiers that don't want to change and are only looking for justification for not changing their lifestyle.

In those cases, when you see them over and over and over, it's hard to either take them seriously or not be jaded. Then there are the people that create profiles merely to spam or cause uproars. Me personally, I just avoid posting for the most part. I did not join for support rather I joined for information. I have made friends with a couple and as a consequence found support, but that was a lucky result of my contribution to the forums.

My advice, get what you need and ignore the rest.

I completely get what you are saying and you said it very well.

I do just want to say this as a newbie.... It took me several weeks to find the different threads- I view this site from my iPhone and always clicked timeline. I think it's how I wound up responding to a picture you had posted- it was wonderful and so motivational but I almost died a few days later when I realized it was posted on a guys thread! Ahhhh!!!

I finally figured out that different sections because people mentioned them in their posts (for example since this is the rant and rave section I will post this rant here) and a lightbulb went off. Until then I probably was guilty of asking basic questions because I simply didn't know separate sections existed.

For the most part I have found the advice of veterans to be amazing. I see them as true educators and admire the time they spend responding to specifics. If I don't agree with something I just skip it. My biggest pet peeve is when someone just says "Ask your Nut". I could go on about that for several reasons but it's another topic.

I'm not on any other social media sites (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram) so I'm still learning how to navigate the online community. Some days are harder than others but I'm learning every day!

Btw BigViffer I really enjoy it when you do post. Your transformation and attitude are great. I love how the men support each other. Keep posting and take care!

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[Babbs 14,681]

And then there are the know it all newbies ruining it for everyone else.

When I was new, I craved information. I hung on every veterans word, hoping to be as successful as they have been. Was I slapped down a couple of times in the process? Sure. But I'm not a butt hurt puss y who gets triggered every time someone gives me a little tough love. Those veterans that you speak of are the reason I've been successful. Honestly. Without their guidance and information and yes, tough love, I wouldn't be a size 6 and maintaining, have perfect labs, and running up to 3 miles every other day. I was one who didn't pursue after care with my surgeon, so everything I learned, I learned from this site. But some people are so set on squealing like the little piggies they are, they can't learn anything in the process. Most are looking for justification to eat around their surgeries, and if they don't get it, go on the defensive and then have the usual suspects white knighting for them and then ganging up on people, complaining about the big meanies, telling people how they should be responding, and messaging Alex to complain about the said meanies like we are in grade school telling the teacher. It's getting quite old, actually.

Didn't like a member? I either stayed out of the thread, or put them on ignore. Problem solved.

If I get banned for this post, I honestly don't give a shiat anymore. I've really grown to abhor this site anyway for the reasons stated above. I've got other forms of support.

How's that for ruining this forum?

[LipstickLady 25,682]

The last few weeks I've been seeing a lot of rude responses to posts........each time I saw one I wanted to respond and ask "WTH is your problem?"......but knew that would just add to the drama, and I think that's what those folks are seeking anyway......So I found this "Rant" section and decided this would be the place to express my low opinion of those posters that seem to think that name calling and talking down to people is the way to respond to posts on a support forum....I see this type of response most often from some of the long timers. I'm not going to name names, because I know you know who you are because it is obvious it is done intentionally.....My advice to those folks, is if you're no longer able to provide support without being sarcastic, maybe it's time you move on with your life and just leave the forum and find something you're good at......It's great to have long timers here that will share their experiences with newbies because it is priceless when shared appropriately.....but if you don't know how to do it in a way that is supportive, you're only being hurtful and may actually cause someone not to ask a future question for fear they will be attached for being stupid......

That's the end of my rant.............As Ellen says at the end of all her shows............"Be kind to one another"

I think that pot stirring posts like this are intentionally looking for the "accused" to come and start "misbehaving" so the OP can feel justified in feeling indignant and ruffled and so they can report the posts righteously. I've been called a b!tch, a bully, a mean girl. I've been lied about, conspired against (it's funny that there is always one "mole" that carries the story back), etc. I've never reported a post unless it was threatening, profanity filled or spam. And I've never reported anyone who has lashed out at me. Why? Because I'm bigger than that. Take that how you will.

Quite honestly, I don't look at WHO wrote something before I reply, I just reply. I don't care who I agree with/disagree with/laugh with/laugh at. My opinion is based on the post, not the author. In turn, I do quite often notice that my posts will be almost stalked and commented on one after another by certain people and it seems quite intentional. It's actually quite amusing.

As for name calling? I don't believe in it and I don't participate in it. In fact, most of the people who are called "bullies" or "mean girls" or "cliques" DON'T call names, it's the people who go on the defensive for no real reason that start in with that nonsense and the people who cry out against it are the FIRST in line to "like" it.

It continues to amaze me that the people who are so angry or so riled up by certain posters don't just click on their profile (oh wait, they already do so they can follow their activity)... I don't understand why they don't just click on the BLOCK button while they are ON their profile so they never have to see another word that is said by whomever it is that offends them. Wouldn't that be the logical thing to do?

As for the last line of this post. It is so much like the prayer thing... The post itself is digging and aggressive, followed up with sunshine and light. If this is one's idea of being "kind to one another", perhaps the word kind needs to be redefined.

My best advice? Take what you want, leave the rest. Friend those you love, block those you don't. If you have beef with someone, take a moment to message them directly instead of starting up threads like this. You never know what you may have understood or misunderstood.

[kmorri 1,689]

Well @@Babbs, I'll just say it's very obvious that you learned and learned very well from the very vets my post is referring to....in fact you learned so well you actually became one of them. Congrats on your success! As far as your statement of "How's that for ruining a this forum?"..............Not even close. You don't have that much power.

Edited June 10, 2016 by kmorri

[summerset 5,265]

In those cases, when you see them over and over and over, it's hard to either take them seriously or not be jaded.

Ignore it and just don't comment instead of derailing the whole thread. That's what I do on boards where I am one of the long term members.

[BigViffer 3,545]

Btw BigViffer I really enjoy it when you do post. Your transformation and attitude are great. I love how the men support each other. Keep posting and take care!

lol, you should go back and read some of my earlier posts. My attitude wasn't so well received in the beginning. As for the men supporting each other, I know I have made that my focus on this forum. We men in general tend to be a competitive sort for all the wrong reasons. Here on this forum, we all have one common goal. Not to get buff or get larger muscles, but just to be healthier in general. If I can encourage other men or show them that there is hope, I feel as though I am contributing. Then, when I am having a down day or feeling off my game, they will most likely step up and do the same for me.