Hubby not being supportive

[mmy 62]

So my surgery is scheduled for next Saturday. My husband all of a sudden decided to try and talk me out of this. He says things like I'm crazy for getting a healthy, viable and an important organ that is perfectly fine cut out and removed. He is also freaking me out by saying what if the surgery goes wrong or what if the GA goes wrong. As it is I'm already stressed and listening to negative things is the last thing I want. I made that clear to him and that I don't want to listen from him anything more but he just won't shut up!

He insists that he is saying those things out of love and that he cares but he is doing it all wrong. I've asked him if he truly does care then he should be praying for me and supporting me instead, to which he replied back by saying that if a truly care then I wouldn't risk my life and risk them losing me. He insists I didn't try hard enough by dieting and that I'm only thinking that I'm choosing the easy way out.. I feel devastated and scared.. Don't know what to do.

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[KristenLe 5,980]

I'm sure he is just scared. WLS is very stressful for all involved and can be very difficult on a relationship. Calmly talk to him about his true fears and see if you can get on the same page.

[2goldengirl 2,076]

He's scared, and he's taking a hamfisted approach to telling you he's scared. You're both scared.

Which is completely to be expected.

That said, that doesn't make his words or his approach anything like helpful. Is it possible for the two of you to sit down calmly and talk about what each of you is scared of? OK, he's scared of losing you. and you're scared of everything that comes along with staying obese.

It's your body, and your decision - which is hard for a lot of spouses to accept, because it's a life-changing decision that will change their lives, too.

It's downright mean to use some of the words he's used, however "didn't try hard enough". As if! "Easy way out" As if!

I hope you can work this out together.

[Sophie74656 1,572]

Honestly the biggger risk to your life is being overweight. The surgery is a minor risk compared to everything that comes with being overweight.

You will be fine and you will do great

[4MRB4PHOTO 3,900]

Your bigger risk in the long term is being obese.

Go to a local WLS support group with him and maybe an informational session. Hearing others and medical professionals talk about it might put his mind to ease.\

I am sure he loves you and is scared of losing you. But at the end of the day, it is your body, your decision.

As far as "choosing the easy way out" -OUCH! I won't comment on that one.

[Sophie74656 1,572]

If i could punch someone for everytime they say easy way out. There is no easy way out. If surgery, or any weight loss tool, was easy then there would be no overweight people

Surgery is not a short cut or some magic wand. It is simply an aid. You still have to watch what you eat, maintain a healthy diet, and exercise.

And easy? Not to scare you but surgery is no picnic. I'm beyond happy I got my sleeve and I had a great recovery but it is still hard.

If i could punch someone for everytime they say easy way out. There is no easy way out. If surgery, or any weight loss tool, was easy then there would be no overweight people

Surgery is not a short cut or some magic wand. It is simply an aid. You still have to watch what you eat, maintain a healthy diet, and exercise.

And easy? Not to scare you but surgery is no picnic. I'm beyond happy I got my sleeve and I had a great recovery but it is still hard.

[JMarshall 352]

He is most likely scared but don't let that change your decision. My surgeon made a statement that changed my entire view of this surgery being elective . his question was " have you ever seen morbidly obese 70 year old ?" I thought for a second and answered "no I have not." He replied "do you know why?" Of course I said "no why?" He then replied " that's because most morbidly obese people die in their 50's and 60's." At that moment I realized that this was literally a life and death decision. I had the surgery almost 5 years ago and have not looked back. I'm down 270 pounds total and could not be happier. Stay strong , there is light at the end of the tunnel.

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[Micoxv 276]

I think I will actually start punching the ones that are referring to the VSG as "easy way out" too!

This is driving me crazy. You should have your husband browsing the forum and his own and read the stories of the people that are sharing here. He may change his mind about the surgery, obesity and the risks that are linked to it.

If your stomach is indeed an healthy organ, the rest of the body may have some comorbidities that need attention.

And if he still refuses to listen, bring him with you next time you see your surgeon so he can explain him that you are taking this path for a better, healthier and longer life.

Take care.

[kristinshae74 8]

Easy way out, ha! Tell him to not eat for two weeks and be emotional and see if he still thinks that!

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[mmy 62]

Thanks for the support everyone

Just to clarify

Hubby said that he thinks that I think that a VSG is an easy way out. And that I'm wrong in thinking that.. And that's not true because I know that now I'm using my last and hardest option.

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[Miss Mac 6,262]

What he doesn't get is that your stomach is not a perfectly healthy organ, and your liver, gallbladder and heart aren't either. The greater risk is having a stroke or heart attack.

[theantichick 2,204]

Thanks for the support everyone

Just to clarify

Hubby said that he thinks that I think that a VSG is an easy way out. And that I'm wrong in thinking that.. And that's not true because I know that now I'm using my last and hardest option.

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Grrrr. I hate it when someone tells you what you're thinking, that is so rude. I'm so glad my current hubby doesn't do that.

Hang in there, it sounds like he's getting more worried now that it's becoming real to him.

[KristenLe 5,980]

@@mmy How much weight do you have to lose and do you have comorbities?

The reason I ask is - your husband needs to understand that obesity is putting your life at risk too.

Edited April 26, 2016 by KristenLe

[mmy 62]

@@mmy How much weight do you have to lose and do you have comorbities?

The reason I ask is - your husband needs to understand that obesity is putting your life at risk too.

I need to lose between 20-25 kg. That's around 44-55 lbs. my weight has been just piling over the years and every year I'm heavier than the one before. Plus I have PCOS and insulin resistance . So if I don't act fast I will eventually develop type 2 diabetes.

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Edited April 27, 2016 by mmy

[Bluesky1 191]

My husband was very unhappy with my weight and at the same time...TOTALLY against the surgery. I am 7 1/2 weeks post op...and I am SO glad I had the sleeve. It was not an easy 2 months for me, but to begin to feel lighter and better in my body...is priceless.

My husband is very happy with the results, even though he still won't admit it was a good choice to have surgery. He feels that diet and exercise with self control should be all you need (even though he has a perfect body and never struggled with weight). I have had to diet and exercise A LOT for the weight to come off (and always will have to, even with a sleeve). The only people who say it's the easy way out, are those who haven't gone through it.

By the time I had surgery, I had struggled for 20 years gaining and losing. Never keeping it off. I did it for myself, and my health. So glad I did. Pray about what's right for you.

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