I'm seven months out from RNY and am starting to date again (I took a break after the end of a nearly three-year relationship). I had a very successful first date with a guy who's smart, funny and hot. We have plans to see each other again soon. So it got me thinking about when I should tell him I've had WLS. For me, it's a pretty personal thing that I don't typically divulge to people shortly after I meet them. I would certainly not keep it a secret forever either. If we decide to become intimate, he will see my scars. I have very fair skin and my scars haven't faded much yet. I am hoping at first to simply say I've had abdominal surgery and that maybe I'll tell him more about it one day. So, those of you who are more experienced, how have you handled this?

If a guy is going to have a problem with it, I prefer to find out as soon as possible...I'm 38 and running out of time to waste on guys who are going to get weird on me, lol. I usually bring it up on the first date if it doesn't come up in conversation before we meet...just casually. Like going bowling and he goes, "You want fries?" and I'll say, "Oh, no thank you! I had weight loss surgery, need to stay away from those"

Sometimes it backfires and the guys get weird, sometimes - surprise - they'll go, "Oh me too!".

Sometimes - true story - they'll ask a bunch of overly intimate questions about the state of your skin and how it felt to be "so huge", then they'll disappear. Better to know now than a month in after you start to catch feelings, right?

Well, I think it's fine, and even admirable, to tell people about it, especially if you're 'seriously' dating and looking for a long-term partner rather than just 'casual' dating.

Here's a cautionary example of how not to bring it up. When I was dating (online) I was chatting with a fellow and he seemed nice so I asked if he wanted to meet for coffee. He said "I can't have coffee". I said, "how about tea?" He got a bit snappy, and said that he'd had bypass surgery and couldn't have hot beverages or carbonated beverages. After that I just did the fade away. I didn't give a fig that he'd had WLS, but it really bothered me that he seemed so put out by a normal suggestion and unable to adapt to his own circumstances. He didn't even suggest an alternative. Meeting for coffee is a normal thing, but if you can't have coffee for whatever reason, just don't order the coffee! I wouldn't have even noticed if he sat there sipping Water.

If someone invites you to a hot-dog eating contest, of course you're not going to eat 27 hot-dogs, but you can still offer to do something else. food and drink are social lubricants - especially when you're dating. Being up-front and positive about what a great thing WLS has been for you rather than a downer about the stuff you can no longer do is the way to go. Someone who's terrified to date you because you used to be fat, is not someone who's going be supportive long-term.

@@Teapot You're right. That was a terrible way to respond. I gave up beef and pork more than 10 years ago for my own personal reasons and I've learned to be adaptable, just the way you describe. You just have to figure it out, which isn't that hard, and not expect people to accommodate you. I've found this pretty easy to do post-surgery too.

I'm 60 years old female. I'm engaged, three months now. I haven't told my fiancée about my WLS and I don't intend to. My surgery was long before I even met him. I believe it's personal and I don't have to share it with anyone. I haven't made it a point to tell him about my tubal ligation or tonsillectomy... my WLS is just another surgery.