I don't think it was meant to be an insult

[CowgirlJane 14,258]

My humor didn't come off too well here. Honestly I am fine, it is just that the remark hit close to home. I will say it a million times, just like losing weight doesn't solve all your life challenges, neither does being perceived as attractive or stylish. I enjoy feeling stylish and confident about my appearance but I have definitely learned it really doesn't matter too much to anybody that matters!

So the coffee meeting that prompted this went fine. The guy was a hoot...I left feeling like he would be very fun to do stuff with. He is however way older, never been married, has lived a wild life (makes for good stories!) so my gut tells me it would be a fun whirlwind thing but that isn't what I want so I won't pursue.

The other thing that was odd..he was so insistent on meeting for coffee on a Friday night. I had a Decaf latte, after sitting outside for 90 minutes talking to everybody who went by (dogs get alot of attention) I was ready to go home...to my home. I sense that he took it as rejection when I turned down the offer of a margarita at his place. So be it.

The dinner date was nice. A very formal man, lives in the USA for many decades, but born in Persia. I am not attracted, but I rarely am initially, so going to do a second date. We had alot to talk about so it's a good start.

I had another coffee date at some point too, oddly enough, also from Iran (strange coincidence, not like there are many Persian people around here). Nice and interesting but I sensed in his personality a certain, inflexibility and even suspicion about dating/women. Due to bad experiences in the past with a paranoid person that was a big red flag and it killed all interest in an actual date for me.

I am happy overall with how it is going so far. Meeting a high quality type, and taking it as it goes.

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[CowgirlJane 14,258]

Ok, met someone the other eve for a beverage and appetizer. He far exceeded my expectations on all fronts.

He is however the third in a row commenting on me looking so much better in person. I think I need to do a photoshoot!

So now I have 2 fellows that I plan a second date with. We shall see...

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[MichiganChic 3,261]

@@CowgirlJane did you tell him he's way better than you thought he would be, and ask him why he's not taken?

Seriously though, glad you got a couple to choose from. Sounds fun!

[CowgirlJane 14,258]

Well, the 3rd gentleman added the remark that was along the lines that I didn't belong in the same "pool" as others he'd met...or something like that. What I want to say is something quite different than my actual reply. .. I said "I found you this way, so can't be all bad"

I am developing a theory...people assume that if a woman looks good compared to the competition (ie same age group, same location. .whatever)... that you have hot guys tripping over each other to ask you out. That has not been my experience. I have had much older and very out of shape (and let's not forget married ) men pursue me but not exactly a stampede kf those who interest me. It has also not been the experience of my pal who is a genuine knock out and looks way younger than her 50 years. She blames it in her inability to make small talk...but I think just in general it is a false assumption. Maybe I am off base, maybe it is a unique "seattle freeze" thing but it is the experience.

Anyway I do have 2 follow up dates in the works and so far managing to do this and have fun, not become jaded or tired of it. I have way improved my screening so only meeting reasonable matches which helps.

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[Inner Surfer Girl 12,009]

Ok, met someone the other eve for a beverage and appetizer. He far exceeded my expectations on all fronts.

He is however the third in a row commenting on me looking so much better in person. I think I need to do a photoshoot!

So now I have 2 fellows that I plan a second date with. We shall see...

Sent from my KFJWI using the BariatricPal App

Yes, absolutely do a photo shoot. That would be so fun!

If you get a chance check out the TLC show Love at First Swipe.

If anything it would give you some ideas for improving your profile.

[ohh_that_girl 22]

I'm pre surgery and guys would ask me this on a dating app I was on, it made me really uncomfortable, I could tell they thought it was a compliment but I'm with you, didn't like it!

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,009]

http://www.people.com/people/mobile/article/0,,20956724,00.html

[roundisashape 712]

There was a hilarious meme on Facebook a while back about that - the conclusion to why we're still single? We're overqualified!

[CowgirlJane 14,258]

In a way it is a little insulting - to assume that just because you meet their superficial "looks" approval that you should of course have someone madly in love (or lust) with you. I mean seriously - maybe I just havent found one who met MY criteria. Actually, there is a little truth to that..... I am not superficially picky but i am very picky on the deeper issues.
Not willing to settle.

There was a hilarious meme on Facebook a while back about that - the conclusion to why we're still single? We're overqualified!

[CowgirlJane 14,258]

My photos are conservative - no cleavage shots at all. I tend to wear bodycon clothing as a style preference - not hoochie, but not baggy shapeless clothing either. I don't have any of those kind of photos either. My big thing is to have CURRENT photos and i get annoyed when people have outdated and inaccurate photos.

http://www.people.com/people/mobile/article/0,,20956724,00.html

[OutsideMatchInside 10,160]

I think it is hillarious a gay man is trying to tell women how to attract straight men, and women are taking him serious.

I have nothing but head shots and I get vulgar messages all the time.

Slut shaming women about their online pictures is putting all the burden on them, when in reality the perverts on dating websites need no encouragement.

[FinallyFit50s 202]

@@OutsideMatchInside So true with the vulgarities!

@@CowgirlJane I get THE biggest kick out of your adventures! What sites are you using? I'm on POF, and was thinking of trying Our Time...see if that helps me get away from the 50+ set that want 35yo or have babies themselves...meanwhile...

My gf had gastric bypass yesterday in upstate NY, I'm going this weekend to keep her company. While I'm there I'm going to work on my POF guys. I have responded to a few, but haven't really been making an effort. Think it's time. The dating exploits I've read in here make me want to go out and experience the fun

[SkinnyDown 409]

I get asked this question all the time, and my response is always the same, and always true and honest.

I am very particular about who I keep company with.

End of story, that's all they need to know and I agree with OutsideMatchInside.

I believe that's someone with low self esteem or self worth, too.

Edited March 6, 2016 by SkinnyDown

[AvaFern 3,515]

@@CowgirlJane

Your post made me laugh a little because I know what you mean. Maybe men are intimidated by your awesomeness? You're smart, hot, and from your posts on here you seem like a sincerely kind, emotionally intelligent woman...guys are shocked to find that you aren't dating anyone because women like you are so hard to come by!

I know it isn't quite the same, but people say the same thing to me....you're so confident, smart, attractive and funny and (other compliments that are not really how I see myself) why are you single? Because all I do is work and I like being single? What that man said to you was definitely not an insult...although he could probably work on giving you better compliments in the future!

[OKCPirate 5,322]

It's easy to confuse the vulgar few with the reality that most men on dating sites are sincere. That would be akin to taking the handful of internet trolls as being the norm on most chat boards. Do the math and you know half of the population is below average. Just put on blinders realize that online dating is a just marketing tool to help you find good prospects. Minimize the time risk by going for coffee.

Does it work immediately...well believe it or not for my girlfriend yes, for me no. I am the only person she ever met with on Match.com...that was seven months ago. We both canceled our accounts after the second date. My experience was much longer and varied than hers.

My point is when we talk about dating horror stories, it's easy to scare of people who looking into online dating because they only hear about the bad and bizarre. The vast majority of people I have met have been decent people, many are still friends, I've attended two of their weddings even. Just because we didn't have romantic chemistry, doesn't mean I didn't not like them.

All that said, I'm glad to be out of the dating pool. It takes energy and time. But so does maintaining a great and growing relationship. But I would much rather invest time and energy into something where I know the long term potential rather than hope for it.