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I was sleeved March 31,2015 and am down 94 lbs. Everything went perfectly from the beginning. But now that I'm a size small I am struggling with my body image. I feel confused about my size and this new body. I knew how to live/feel in my fat body.

It's a very bizarre feeling. I actually cried in a Target dressing room because all the size smalls were fitting me but I can't wrap my head around being a small.

Thoughts?

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I'm still pre op, but I've given this a lot of thought during my pre op journey. It actually frightens me a little and I can't even picture in my head me being a smaller size. It's scary, and I feel like a toddler who has to give up their security blankie. That's how I've come to view my size, as a security blanket, or a cushion against society. Being as big as I am I know that the people who like me and love me do so because of who I am, and not what I look like. But what about when I don't have this to hide behind anymore?

I wish I had some answers for you, or could relate, but all I can say is that I hope it gets better for you.

Edited by Megall9

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This would be a good time to talk to a therapist before your brain takes you in a direction you're not prepared for. Body image is such a tricky topic for us ladies and how we define/view ourselves is very much tied to our appearance (unfortunately) in varying ways depending on our cultural, spiritual and educational background...probably even class (again, unfortunate but true). Don't get too out of sorts before finding someone to talk to that has some background in this area. Maybe the person that did your pre op psych eval?

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I was sleeved March 31,2015 and am down 94 lbs. Everything went perfectly from the beginning. But now that I'm a size small I am struggling with my body image. I feel confused about my size and this new body. I knew how to live/feel in my fat body.

It's a very bizarre feeling. I actually cried in a Target dressing room because all the size smalls were fitting me but I can't wrap my head around being a small.

It is something that takes some getting used too. Specifically because my body is still changing and I have more weight to lose. Shopping is not something I have ever enjoyed, in fact I would never try anything on in the store. I knew my size and would take it home to try. With the smaller me, I can't leave the store without trying it because I waste too much time going back to get a smaller size, because the size I thought I wore is wrong. I imagine though this is something I may have to deal with until I am well into maintenance so, I am working to get use to this knew me.

I'm still post op, but I've given this a lot of thought during my pre op journey. It actually frightens me a little and I can't even picture in my head me being a smaller size. It's scary, and I feel like a toddler who has to give up their security blankie. That's how I've come to view my size, as a security blanket, or a cushion against society. Being as big as I am I know that the people who like me and love me do so because of who I am, and not what I look like. But what about when I don't have this to hide behind anymore?

I wish I had some answers for you, or could relate, but all I can say is that I hope it gets better for you.

Loss of my security blanket so to speak is a big issue for me. My weight was less about people liking me for who I am and more about a physical shield from what I use to think were predatory glances, remarks, advances etc. Lots of therapy working through my personal traumas helped to heal my mind, and my heart. But what was left was the weight. Now that it is starting to come off, people notice. Before I would freak out if the neighbors friends linger outside to check me out, or I was hit on in a grocery store of restaurant, etc. I am however, learning to accept compliments from men and women without feeling as though I am in some type of danger. It is a huge step for me.

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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

    • CaseyP1011

      Officially here for a long time, not just a good time💪
      · 0 replies
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    • KimBaxleyWilson

      Three months and four days ago... I was in Costa Rica having a life changing surgery! Yesterday we had a followup visit with Dr. Esmeral via video chat and this morning my middle number changed.  I'm down 47lbs and two pants sizes. I can wear a Large tshirt for the first time in like... 14 years! Woot!! Everything is going great. I have zero regrets. I went down to the riverwalk with a friend and walked 2 miles on Monday without even getting fatigued. And no more snoring or chugging pickle juice for crazy leg cramps! I need to go to the gym more... I'm making new shirts next week so that will motivate me. LOL But I'm also just not as TIRED all the time! I have a LONG way to go...but seeing the progress on the scales and in the mirror is a huge motivator!! Thank you all for cheering me on and supporting me!!
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      https://alluniqueguide.com/java-burn-coffee-reviews/
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