Food & Social Life after surgery

[Rvamom 19]

Hello. This is my first post and first time on here. A thousand apologies if I am in the incorrect forum or am breaking etiquette rules. I am considering surgery but posting in here because my question is for people who have already had surgery. One of my big concerns about surgery is what eating afterwards will be like. Im only 26. Will it make my social life weird forever if going out to eat is difficult? I admit I feel pretty addicted to food the though of never having a "real" full meal again scares me. If you had any of these thoughts, was the weight loss worth the sacrifice of eating like you used to? Thank you. Again, sorry if I posted incorrectly.

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,443]

Looks like a fine place for your note. You give no clue as to your current weight, so I'll proceed as though the number is considerable.

Do you want to lose weight or do you not want to lose weight? That is the question. Really, sit down with pen and paper, draw a vertical line down the center of the page and, in one column, begin a list of the "Aye" reasons and, in the other, the "Nay" reasons. Once you have a good start, I'll guess that you have one reason under "Nay" and that it has something to do with gorging on food.

When a person no longer has the capacity to eat like a maniac, eating like a maniac becomes an alien notion. In the rare instance that it is still significant, the individual would do well to enter therapy. Really. The time that is gained when maniacal eating is left behind is time to give to healthier -- mentally and medically -- pursuits that are actually fulfilling. Eating one's self into a stupor is away to avoid fulfillment.

Will your social life be weird? I don't know, but maybe it will be if you're surrounded by maniacal eaters for the purpose of not being the only maniac. As to being "only 26," isn't that an appropriate age for making grown-up decisions? Sweet 16 is about the cut-off.

The words "maniac" and "maniacal" are for illustration purposes only. If you don't like them, substitute as makes sense to you.

You just may need some more time to think about what you really want and what really makes sense to and for you.

[cookarue 233]

You'll be able to eat still after surgery. So, you can still go out to places to eat. You just won't be able to eat the same amount of food as you have in the past. Hopefully, your choices will also be healthy. It won't be Soups and salads every time. More like Protein based. Instead of Pasta, you'd order, like chicken. Every place my husband has wanted to go since surgery had a yummy, healthy, option for me. I am a pretty picky eater too. If you want to lose weight, then surgery is for you. If you don't want to make any changes to your eating, then maybe surgery isn't right for you at this time. New eating does take time to get used to, but it's not all kale either...

I was a big volume eater, so Portion Control is really what I needed and surgery gave me that tool. I wouldn't exchange my weight loss for a full plate of food that was making me fatter. Lol.

Edited February 4, 2016 by cookarue

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

My question is why do you think going out to eat will be difficult?

What you choose to order and where you choose to go may or may not change.

What you are able to eat right after surgery will be different, but as far as I have experienced, eating out has not been difficult.

[Islagirl#1 31]

I'm only 12 days out. The first 4 weeks for me are liquids and then puréed foods. That's a challenge, but the amazing payoff is so with it! For the first time ever I feel like I'm going to get back to the weight I should be. I feel fantastic and am happy that the surgery will give me the tools I need to make the right decisions. The choice is yours - are bad eating habits more important to you or is losing weight? I wish I had made the decision at 26.

[lifeofblair 308]

Hello. This is my first post and first time on here. A thousand apologies if I am in the incorrect forum or am breaking etiquette rules. I am considering surgery but posting in here because my question is for people who have already had surgery. One of my big concerns about surgery is what eating afterwards will be like. Im only 26. Will it make my social life weird forever if going out to eat is difficult? I admit I feel pretty addicted to food the though of never having a "real" full meal again scares me. If you had any of these thoughts, was the weight loss worth the sacrifice of eating like you used to? Thank you. Again, sorry if I posted incorrectly.

I'm 24 and was 23 when I had the surgery. I still go out with friends in just smart about it. Almost everywhere has grilled chicken of some sort so that's what I end up with most of the time. And my good friends are considerate about it when they pick places asking if I can eat there.

[Rvamom 19]

Thank you for the replies everyone. I am 260lb and 5'5. I have made an appointment to see a psychologist this week to discuss my issues with food. Did any of you all have family members who objected to surgery? My dad does and I'm very cost to him. He thinks it's "lazy" and "unnecessary."

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

Thank you for the replies everyone. I am 260lb and 5'5. I have made an appointment to see a psychologist this week to discuss my issues with food. Did any of you all have family members who objected to surgery? My dad does and I'm very cost to him. He thinks it's "lazy" and "unnecessary."

I was the opposite. My family members were all on board and I was the one who initially objected to the idea of surgery. Once I learned more about it the more open to the idea I became. I was definitely one of those people who had tried EVERYTHING for years and just figured that WLS wouldn't work for me either.

If your father lives near you and is able, see if he will go to an information session or to some of your appointments with you. My surgeon gave us some online tutorials and we were encouraged to share them with our family if they were interested.

I think that most people who object do so because: 1) they really don't know much about the disease of obesity and/or weight loss surgery in general; and/or, 2) are really scared for you. Education will help with all of this.

[Pescador 1,374]

My husband and I were about 67 when we were sleeved. We go out more now than we did before surgery. We share a plate and no one cares. We sometimes don't eat but we still socialize and have fun. If you want to wait like we did until you have horrible diabetes, high blood pressure, asthma, neuropathy, and other problems, then wait. Once the comorbidities set in life changes. I would encourage anyone to take control of their life and change. Start living. Best wishes.

[Oma letting go 14]

Wow! There are some really great replies to your question. I can relate to many. I am much older, 63, so I didn't have parents to object. I did, however, have many close friends and family members who shared horror stories of others who had had bariatric surgery, stories of people they knew who regained all their weight, and recommendations to just exercise more and cut carbs. So I just stopped talking about it. It was still a very difficult decision. I don't like invasive medical procedures unless absolutely necessary. Was my surgery absolutely necessary? Hard to know, but I knew my mobility was being affected and I feared growing old and fatter and ending up wheel chair bound. So even though not I was not totally sure, I went with having surgery. I told no one but my husband, one son, and two friends who also had sleeves. My surgery was only 12 days ago. What I didn't anticipate was how empowered and hopeful I now feel about myself and my future. It has been much easier than I anticipated, also. food no longer controls me. I keep wondering if I'm going to wake up one day and feel differently, but right now I feel very blessed to have this opportunity to change my life and health for the better.

Good luck with your decision.

[Cape Crooner 589]

My husband and I were about 67 when we were sleeved. We go out more now than we did before surgery. We share a plate and no one cares. We sometimes don't eat but we still socialize and have fun. If you want to wait like we did until you have horrible diabetes, high blood pressure, asthma, neuropathy, and other problems, then wait. Once the comorbidities set in life changes. I would encourage anyone to take control of their life and change. Start living. Best wishes.

I'm 63 and fully agree. I took 5 months off (pre and post surgery) from socializing, eating poorly, and drinking until I was close to my goal weight. Then I started eating and drinking again in great moderation.

Every other week we go out and I order what I want, leading with Protein. I do order French fries, but after my 4-5 ounces of Protein, I'm lucky if I can eat 2 ounces.

I feel like a big man with a little girls stomach it's great!

[provenzee 262]

I am 25, and it always seemed like food was what my social life revolved around. It was always, "hey, let's grab wings" or "hey, lets go to the buffet". I can still go out to eat. I am only a few days post op, but I'm about three weeks in since I had a two week liquid pre op, and I've been out to eat a few times. Each time, I grabbed a Soup, and it was interesting because I was able to focus more on the conversations taking place, rather than constantly worrying about when my food was coming, and looking at the Desserts I was craving. It'll be different, but six months into the surgery if I want to go for wings, I'll be able to have two or three and feel satisfied, unlike pre surgery where I felt like I never had enough. Same with any kind of food. I'll still eat, I just won't be eating as much or as poorly. I am excited!

[AnA92212 577]

It depends on what stage after surgery you are talking about. Two weeks after surgery was Mother's Day. All of the mothers and grandmothers were in town. It was my very FIRST mother's day. I could not eat anything because even the Soup where we went was not a good option. I sat at the table and cried. I sat there and drank Water. Then later that week two co workers invited me to lunch. There was nothing at the restaurant they selected that I could eat. I sat there and drank Water, but i was better. I am now 9 months out and going out can be awkward, but not for me. People in social situations tend to pace their eating/drinking with those around them. I eat extremely slowly and eat a small amount. People often try to match my pace. It can be humorous. I tell people to eat what they want and how much they want and to not go by me.

You will eat less and sometimes different foods. But after awhile it is just a way of life.

[Zane's Mom 184]

I'm 20 months out and 16 pounds under goal. Here is my take on the question.

My family and friends who know I'm sleeved are vultures and take everything left on my plate the minute I start hiccuping. That's my full "tell" and it starts about 6 bites in.

For those who don't know but have known me a long time I still get the "you don't eat enough. You're getting too thin". I never thought that would be an issue.

And I eat a little of everything and push food around and ask for a to go.

I refuse to go to a buffet. I passing dessert. I'm now lactose intolerant so no more ice cream.

It's totally workable in every situation.

You'll figure it out and it's totally worth it. Oh to have skinny people problems .....

[Pescador 1,374]

We avoided situations where we would feel awkward and stayed home. You can always have guests and put out a few light Snacks, or have a good Soup or bisque, deviled eggs, or better yet a brunch with scrambled eggs. The friendship and get togethers are good for the soul. I have always gone to monthly lunches with friends of over thirty years, and only once did I have to say I wasn't feeling that great and took my lunch home. My husband and I regularly order one meal and still have leftovers. We barely missed our trivia groups about six weeks, and then just let food not be the focus of our evening. We live in and travel Florida extensively, and I would say grilled seafood is the best option ever.