Not So Supportive Support Group

[virgorooster 14]

Hello everyone. I read the forum daily, but never post. After an incident last night, I felt compelled to.

A little about me: I'm 34 and was sleeved on 12/16/15. My SW was 295 and CW is 271.

I had my surgery through True Results. I had been depressed lately because I went through the 3 week stall. I really wanted to talk to others that knew what I was going through. So I planned on going to True Result's once a month support group meetings for guidance and support. I live with my cousin who had the lap-band 5 years ago, but it didn't work so well for her. She decided to have a sleeve revision when I had my sleeve. I asked her if she wanted to come to the support group at True Results with me and she said yes.

We went and when everyone introduced themselves, I realized that I was the only person who had the sleeve. They were so anti-sleeve and found myself defending my choice all night. I heard things like "with the sleeve you gain all of your weight back after a year", "the enzymes grow back within 6 months to a year, "the sleeve is too invasive", and "the science proves that the lap band is superior". I felt vulnerable already because I feel like I'm not losing like I should, especially after my 3 week stall. They just made fun of me for whining about not losing weight fast enough. They were even rude to my cousin because she wanted the revision.

I left even more discouraged than when I came in. Three of the women monopolized the discussions with any and every thing that popped into their heads. I was only able to speak during my introduction. I didn't want it to be all about me, but I didn't feel like I could get answers or just let how I felt out. We are all there for the same reason. Our surgical methods are different, but that shouldn't have mattered.

Rants over. Thanks for reading.

[AmyFromCincy 56]

I've heard nothing but bad things about the band

[MeFirst 65]

That's terrible. I'm sorry that you didn't find the support you were looking for. However, please don't second guess your decision on getting the sleeve. While I'm sure some people love the band and have great success, it brought me nothing but problems. I had mine removed 2 years ago due to infection, and an sooooo excited to get the sleeve in the next couple months!

[pammyg7 10]

I have seen many, many band people not even get close to losing what they should. I researched this topic and then talked to my surgeon and he said the safety on both were equal. I was sleeved Tuesday and so far, so good!! I did not want to doc every month for check ups. I did not want to worry about rejection, or infection, or the band corroding while in my stomach. So do not let a few make you feel bad. I have seen many people on here who had the band and are now getting the sleeve. So to each his own.

[virgorooster 14]

i chose the best option for me as they chose the best option for them. There are things about the band that I don't like for me, but I wouldn't discourage someone's choice.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Wow, this isn't about bashing one procedure over the other. I am 4 years post sleeve and maintaining 150# weight loss and there are plenty of others with similar stories to tell. Click on m my profile to see my before and after.

Here is the truth, the early days (after you are healed) which normally last 6-18 months you get the most hunger reduction. The successful people use that time to change their relationship with food. They learn technique, strategies that work best for THEM and create a new lifestyle.

Then, they keep doing it, year after year..

You can regain with ANY WLS procedure if you don't make those inside / lifestyle/ habit changes. I promise this to be the absolute truth.

I had the lapband for 10 years and while there are many success stories, not a single person that was banded in the early 2000s, that I knew still has their band. Not a one. I hope that the more modern approach is better and I wish everyone lasting success.

[ocgirl15 667]

band superior to sleeve? In 2016 very few surgeons would agree. To many don't work as expected, cause complications, are removed, or revised to sleeve or bypass. Many surgeons won't even do them anymore.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Oh, the support group I went to was very motivating. The moderator was a no show so a couple of women, sleevers, who were still obese after losing around 50#, and scarcely losing anymore spent the meeting talking about donuts and fair food. I never went back, but it solidified in my mind what I DIDN'T want to be. You can't keep food as your" lover" and expect to become normal size/weight.

[2goldengirl 2,076]

Good heavens, who was facilitating this meeting? That's unbelievable!

Our group is facilitated by the MSW and RD's who are with my program (though it's open to anyone). That kind of behavior simply wouldn't have been tolerated. I'm so sorry! I hope there is a more suuportive group you can attend.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

I wish more people would learn to just tell people to &^$% off. You lost 24 lbs in a month. That is a lot.

You aren't going to drop 10lbs a week or something. It is slow but constant which is what it should be. I lost over 90lbs in 6 months. Around 20 the first month, and then 10-15 per month after that. Keep your head up

[Pillar2butterfly 391]

I am so sorry this happened to you. Don't be discouraged. Everyone has their own journey. And some like to be in the limelight and many think they are a WLS expert simply for having had the surgery. I would try going again and give it another chance. Did they break up into so small groups? My support group has about 100 folks there each month, and we break into smaller groups. If it is already a smaller group, maybe ask your doctor for a contact for a possible mentor, someone that has had the sleeve as well. You are doing great!

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

Was there a facilitator for the group or was it just a free-for-all?

I find that in a support group it is critical to have either 1) a good facilitator or 2) a strong foundation of tradition and structure (like a 12-step meeting.

If there was a facilitator it sounds like they weren't very effective. It sounds like a phone call to the coordinator for the support group to talk about your concerns might be a good idea.

I am so sorry you had such a negative experience and didn't get the support you needed.

[virgorooster 14]

Thanks to all of you ladies and gents, if any responded. The person facilitating the meeting is a patient advocate. That's what was frightening.

I am not a band bashed in the least. My mother had the band 13 years ago. She has maintained her weight loss. Her surgeon told her that she should do a revise, but she won't due to her age. I know that all of the surgeries work if you work at it. This board has been great and people like Cowgirl are an inspiration.

My cousin texted me that there is a support group at the hospital that she works for. They're group is a little bit bigger and she heard it's better.

[virgorooster 14]

I am so sorry this happened to you. Don't be discouraged. Everyone has their own journey. And some like to be in the limelight and many think they are a WLS expert simply for having had the surgery. I would try going again and give it another chance. Did they break up into so small groups? My support group has about 100 folks there each month, and we break into smaller groups. If it is already a smaller group, maybe ask your doctor for a contact for a possible mentor, someone that has had the sleeve as well. You are doing great!

No it didn't break off. It was a small group to begin with. I thought going again just in case a new or old sleever came.

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

Thanks to all of you ladies and gents, if any responded. The person facilitating the meeting is a patient advocate. That's what was frightening.

I am not a band bashed in the least. My mother had the band 13 years ago. She has maintained her weight loss. Her surgeon told her that she should do a revise, but she won't due to her age. I know that all of the surgeries work if you work at it. This board has been great and people like Cowgirl are an inspiration.

My cousin texted me that there is a support group at the hospital that she works for. They're group is a little bit bigger and she heard it's better.

A patient advocate SHOULD be able to handle a support group. Whether or not you return to that group, please consider letting them know about your experience. Maybe the advocate needs new training but that is the kind of feedback that may benefit others in the future.