Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Back in the Game Again



Recommended Posts

I hate it when people say "when you stop looking you'll find someone". Why do I have to prove that I can be alone to be worthy of someone? I'm not going to settle on the wrong person but I'm happy to go out and have fun with them for now! Life is too good to sit around watching Netflix.

I am single but I'm enjoying dating. I was in a relationship for years and I missed being single! I want to enjoy it for the time that I am. I might complain a bit here and there but in the end I'm having fun even with the bad ones.

Latingoddess I hear you and I'm happy for you!! But this Brazilian babe has too much fire under her butt to stay at home and wait. Hehehhee :)

Edited by bellabloom

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Just my two cents, but I hated hearing that, too (stop looking and it'll happen.)

No, nothing in life happens by being a passive slug, LOL. Not weight loss, not finding a good person, not professional success, etc.

If you're online dating, I'd recommend staying away from never-been-married and look for recently divorced (like within a year or two.)

Recently divorced and looking, so long as they aren't bitter pillpots looking for revenge sex, these guys liked being in a stable relationship and know what they want and don't want. They were able to have serious conversations and kind of cut to the chase quicker about if we were a fit or not, which I liked. I'm not out to waste anyone's time, and I cannot stand a grown man who has no life plan.

I'd be blown away by guys 30-40+age who would have NO IDEA where they wanted to be in five years; kids, married, traveling, single with a companion, whatever. Even with their jobs -- clueless. So annoying and unappealing.

There are a LOT of duds out there, sorry to say.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I met a guy that has all those sweet characteristics but .... I don't know. Nothing there physically. He's short but that's not a deal breaker for me....

He's not funny. He's too nice? He's not complex.... More specifically he's been married twice and walked from the kids both times. Is that a valid red flag? He's so nice and polite!

Gosh I just don't know! I need that animal magnetism combined with a good person. I want both.

I want my bolts of lightening and that rainbow after the storm.

I want my cake and to eat it too!!

So NO. still saying no.

Walking from his kids? Is that a valid red flag? Duh!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I liked dating too. I also spent some time just going out dancing and having fun with a meetup group (never accepted a date from anyone there because I just wanted to keep it easy going at the time). That era resulted in meeting alot of people, doing some fun activities etc and a couple of them actually became friends that i still do stuff with even though we didnt really have a romantic relationship.

Then, I reached a point when i just wanted a boyfriend to do fun stuff with. You know, not looking for forever, but someone to see. Someone who might become a bit more part of my life, meet my friends and kids, maybe we travel together a bit... etc. That is when the problems began because my attempts at finding a person went down in flames - usually after about 3-4 months. The down side for me is it started to make me jaded.

So, I never found the "Mr Right Now" to be honest. Now... I am thinking alot more about the rest of my life (well, at least the next 10-20 years) and have a clear vision of what i want it to look like. I think about dating men who might have some kind of common vision. Well, since I couldn't really find a decent "Mr Right now" it is hard to be too optimistic about a "Mr Right". I did meet someone who has a shockingly similiar "life plan" as mine. Too bad he loves Donald Trump, has a renter running a puppy mill on one of his properties (I am an animal lover so I can barely resist reporting this) and other small things that kinda kill the fire/desire. So, whats a girl to do?

I do agree with spending time alone, and in spite of what it sounds like - I really have. I have spent significant periods of time not dating - but maybe just going dancing or whatever. I have spent alot of tme and effort on my inner growth. While a great guy might just fall out of the sky, it is rather hard to believe it. I keep getting told I am attractive, fun to be with, friendly, easy to talk to... and yet, I don't seem to attract the good ones.

anyway, i have surgery on Monday. I have some time off from life while I am recovering, I won't be dating. When I am back to full activity (4 weeks post op) I am serious about getting my body fat percent to a certain target.... so... not sure if I will make time for looking/dating then. Due to some side effects, I recently stopped taking a hormone replacement therapy and you know what, I am not sure I even care about having a man in my life anymore. It seems strange that my desires should shift so suddenly, and maybe it is temporary.... will check back in a few months I guess.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Jane, good luck with your surgery.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Eeeek I have so many little "dates" planned this week. Oh god how is it going to go!! Hahaa. Always a roller coaster ride.

Maybe I'll meet the love of my life!

Maybe I'll just eat a lot a sushi. :)

Edited by bellabloom

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Eeeeeek. I met someone this morning I'm suppppppppper attracted to!!! Oh no!! I said yes to a second date!!!

He's a family guy, owns franchises, cute as hell and gets my sense of humor. I am so crushing!!!

Only red flag so far- very recently divorced. I'm the first girl he has gone out with. ???? scary.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Eeeeeek. I met someone this morning I'm suppppppppper attracted to!!! Oh no!! I said yes to a second date!!!

He's a family guy, owns franchises, cute as hell and gets my sense of humor. I am so crushing!!!

Only red flag so far- very recently divorced. I'm the first girl he has gone out with. scary.

Sounds promising but keep it together Bella...that IS something to keep an eye on...you don't want to be the rebound chick.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I know!!!!!! Hahaha head on shoulders. Eyes up Bella eyes up!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I had to say no to the recently single guy. Too many red flags and too much drama.

I'm going on a date tonight with someone I've been texting for some time and I'm pretty nervous and excited about it. I really hope I like him because it seems promising. I decided I don't like being single any more. It's too stressful.

Going out on dates is just so stressful because of all my food issues. The only times I really enjoy myself are dates where there is no food involved. And guys always want to eat. I'm also tired of meeting new people all the time. I don't want to meet anyone new for a bit.

But I don't want to hang out by myself half of every week either. I just want a boyfriend boo hoooo. Or more girlfriends. I joined a meet up group to hopefully make some new friends.

Anyway. Maybe tonight I'll meet the love of my decade!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Get some girlfriends!! They're more reliable than men and except for the sex thing, alot more fun to hang with. (not that there's anything wrong with girl sex if that's your thing :rolleyes: )

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I love my girlfriends and we have hoot of a good time. We all keep saying we need to find 1-2 more to add to our posse, but guess what, they are hard to find too. It has taken me years to get this group solid, it isn't that easy!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sigh he wasn't for me. I don't know when I got so picky.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Maybe when you realized you deserve alot better than the drunk who kept falling on you and hurting you? That moment might have been a certain... crossing point because I recall you thinking that was somehow acceptable.

Now you meet people that may not be drunks but still aren't what you seek. I want a relationship too, but they don't solve loneliness. I think dating is cool and all but work on the galpals, the meetup groups, taking a class... I dunno, something to start to fill that hole in the heart.

I think you are doing great.

Sigh he wasn't for me. I don't know when I got so picky.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Maybe when you realized you deserve alot better than the drunk who kept falling on you and hurting you? That moment might have been a certain... crossing point because I recall you thinking that was somehow acceptable.

Now you meet people that may not be drunks but still aren't what you seek. I want a relationship too, but they don't solve loneliness. I think dating is cool and all but work on the galpals, the meetup groups, taking a class... I dunno, something to start to fill that hole in the heart.

I think you are doing great.

Sigh he wasn't for me. I don't know when I got so picky.

Totally. That was a rebound relationship for sure and a hard learning experience. I was with my kids dad for 7 years and I never even looked at another guy. He was bad to me but I truly loved him. I tried so hard to make it work with him. It was a really tough decision to leave but I had no choice.

After that I was alone 6 months. When I started dating again it felt sooooo good to be able to love someone again and be loved... But I was SO on the rebound. I wasn't looking out for red flags and I fell in love super easily with that guy the alcoholic. He was really funny, for one, which is a weakness of mine. I was vulnerable and high on the feeling of affection.

Anyway that was a rough relationship too and now that I'm past it, I'm in a much better place. I'm looking for someone who is really worth it on multiple levels. My priorities are my kids and my career. If I'm going to invest time in someone they have to be the right fit and be able to contribute to my life, not take away.

Dating is fun but I do want a boyfriend. I prefer to be intimate and close to someone. I want to be with someone who knows about my food issues and is supportive.

But I'm not even going to settle this time. I'm happy to walk away from red flags. So yeah. I've learned something this year!!

The right one will come along. :))

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Featured Surgeons

    1. Masoud Rezvani

      Woodbridge, Virginia 22191

    2. Lisa Medvetz

      Downingtown, Pennsylvania 19335
      800-282-0066

  • Most popular:

  • Recent Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • christa_reid

      Hi I  am new here and I am going to have the gastric sleeve next month. I have to pay out of pocket so it is going quite quickly. The longer I wait the more bad stories I hear. I weigh 315 and 61 years old so I have a lot to lose. Any advice is welcome
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • ProudGrammy

      Georgia on my mind - off to grand-daughters high school graduation - she's smart and cute as a button, just like her grammy,☺️
      kathy
      · 2 replies
      1. SusieQ2019

        Congratulations to her Proud Granny, and wishing her a bright and successful future.

      2. Orchids&Dragons

        Congrats to your granddaughter! Have a wonderful trip!

    • *Meaghan*

      Went to my initial consult with the Bariatric surgeon/ program I chose. Came home with a folder full of information & helpful organization of all the testing that needs to be completed while I complete the required nutritional counseling. She also let me know my insurance typically takes 6 weeks to reply with authorization when submitted, so that puts my potential surgery date near the new year if all stays on track  I felt comfortable with her, in our discussions she agrees that I am a good candidate for the Gastric Bypass. I appreciated the 'introduction' class that was given after the consult with the surgeon where I was given this binder of every referral (from her, not my pcp referrals), & contact information for all the testing needed to make my contacts/calls tomorrow morning even easier I start my nutrition classes on June 5th, so that's when the clock will start toward insurance approval & getting the tool to help me reach my goals
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Torie Faye

      I had my Bypass Surgery on 04/25/2019 I'd weighted before surgery 308 and now 285. I get depressed because I thought it would be more. I follow all instructions from Dr.. Green walk every day work out and eating solid foods 
      · 1 reply
      1. ProudGrammy

        welcome welcome - 23 lbs pre/post op is great. you are doing fine. keep up the good work. kathy

    • MrsGamgee

      Day 5 post-op... didn't sleep great last night, lots of gas pain and it was my first night without using the rx pain meds. I'm tired and feeling rather stupid. My nurse is supposed to call today for a check in, so I'm debating taking a nap now and risk missing her call, or forcing myself to stay awake and pray she calls soon. Also, showering should be considered a workout... just doing the basics used up all my energy. Weight is slowly working its way down. I know that I shouldn't be on the scale yet, but I couldn't resist. I'm down almost 9lb down since surgery. Yay!
      · 1 reply
      1. Emilia Danciu

        You are allowed to feel tired, take naps and only do the minimum this soon after the surgery. Listen to your body and be good to yourself at this time. Most important things to care about at this time is hydration and protein. It is a full-time job to stay on top of that and prioritize your energy there for now. Just give your body the time to heal and adjust, don’t rush the recovery.

  • Trending Topics

  • Magazine Articles

    1. Keto and Bariatric Surgery

      Posted in: Food & Nutrition
      Lisa Kaouk, RD & Monica Bashaw, RD
    2. Little known facts about losing weight after bariatric surgery

      Posted in: Post-Op Support
      Lisa Kaouk, RD & Monica Bashaw, RD
    3. Carbs After Bariatric Surgery?

      Posted in: Food & Nutrition
      Lisa Kaouk, RD & Monica Bashaw, RD
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs
    ×