so, is this what it feels like to be just... normal?

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

I went on a date on Friday night. We went to a blues club where people take dancing seriously! I wasn't sure what the dress code was - ha - since Seattle is a pretty casual place (frumpy some might say!) when it comes to dressing "norms". My date and I are not very good dancers, but we braved the dance floor along with all those spinning and dipping couples that have been doing this awhile and we had alot of fun even if we didn't have the best technique.

I decided to dress how I thought I would like to look - not too concerned with what other might wear. I chose an above the knee black skirt (not a mini, but short) with flouncy ruffles. I wore a really cute patterned top that I like alot but seldom wear because it is dressier. I work dark hose and the most awesome multi color shooties (really, they are shoes, but they call them shooties when they look like booties influenced).

Once I selected my outfiit, I didn't give it another thought until this happened.... I went to the restroom and a very nice looking stylish woman came up and said "I have been admiring your outfit from across the room". We chatted a bit... she left... I did my thing, came out of the stall and another woman walked in and she said "I love those shoes - they are just perfect with your outfit"

It was nice to be validated, but I realized that I had no self consciousness, no thoughts about "am I dressing too young" (you know, fill in the blanks of self doubt).

It kinda hit me that the rest of the world really really really no longer sees me as morbidly obese... and maybe I am kinda reaching that state too. I look like a pretty normal woman and to be quite honest, much fitter than the average woman of my age range. It is an empowering feeling to no longer feel like I need to blend in or worry about how my "rolls" look.

In addition, I sometimes feel a certain amount of grief/shame about the physical problems I have as a result of a lifetime of obesity (mostly arthritis and joint problems). I am not sure how it came up, but my date mentioned he'd had a total hip replacement when he was about my age! This guy is slim, and has been an athlete his whole life. In his case, he took a huge fall while mountain climbing in his youth and it eventually caught up with him. It helped me reframe my own emotions about the damage to my body.

It is the past, we all have our stories and history and all we can do is make the best of right now and build toward an even better future. I am currently rehabbing my bum hip with a much more positive attitude than I had when I was first diagnosed and guess what - getting better results! It is estimated I have 3-4 years before I need that replacement, and I say bring it - I will be ready when it is time!

[2goldengirl 2,076]

Such a great post! One of the things I ponder as I'm in preop phase is how I'm going to train my brain to see myself differently. I've seen myself as overweight for so long that even when I was much thinner than I am now, I always thought I needed to lose 20 lbs or so. I love that you got validation from unsolicited strangers.

[Sylvia13 64]

Love your post! Congratulations on all you've accomplished both physically and mentally!

I've noticed that in my youth when I was a normal weight, I was always unhappy with my weight. Since my surgery, I've vowed to be happy with whatever weight I end up at. I'm currently at the weight I was when I got pregnant with my first child (19 years ago). I remember being upset because I had been hoping to lose some weight before I got pregnant. Today, I'm so thrilled I've made it this far! My plan is to lose a few more pounds, but if I stay right here - I will be so very grateful! I feel great and all of my creeping health issues have disappeared. I've learned to appreciate what I have.

[ShrinkingPeach 1,291]

What a lovely post and so timely for me. I was at my husbands office party this past saturday. I have been overweight my whole life and at 103 pounds down I am struggling to see my weight loss. They had a photo booth and we took a photo together (you get a printed strip of 3 poses). I could see that I looked different but it was when some of his co-workers wanted a group shot that I got a shock. I was smaller than some of the women in the photo.

I have noticed I fit places where I didn't before. I have seen my sizes of clothing change. I notice that people treat me differently. I notice that I no longer get "the look". I could go on and on, but the physical vision of myself in the mirror remains the fat girl.

Congrats on your epiphany and than you for sharing, this really hit home for me!

[rking 484]

what a great story! you must be really tiny! weighing 140..... i dont even know what that looks like or what size that would be!

[Bandista 7,466]

Hi there, Flouncy Ruffles -- you do your thing! I loved this post. So germane in my life right now. I'm mid-life or whatever it is, and I'm looking better and better. This can feel a little weird and messy. But I want to wear those boots. That skirt! I say let's go for it and enjoy it all. Best wishes to you. Dance on!

[Djmohr 6,965]

I loved your post!

All I know is I never used to care about how I looked. I think it comes from years of looking and feeling so crappy. Now, I care how I look! I think about what I am going to wear and clothes and shoes get me excited!

Yes, we all are living with the permanent damage that our obesity has caused but it sure feels great to be lighter and feel better that way!

Thanks for sharing your terrific story!

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Imma say something ... you are sounding so positive and confident and on-balance lately.

Not everyone out there is crazy. I hope you're noticing that.

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444]

There's nothing I can add to what all the others have said, so I'm here just to let you know that you have East Coast support. The transformation goes way beyond the scale.

Edited December 15, 2015 by WLSResources/ClothingExch

[Shainadelphia 69]

What a great self realization! I loved all of it.

I also feel shame about the knee injuries I have - but I keep reminding myself - if I hadn't don't loss weight just imagine how much worse they would be.

I love to hear these successes.

[higher 966]

Great post!

[VDLT 244]

Wonderful post. The weight comes off all over but mostly off the shoulders doesn't it? BUT... no pic of the shoes?!

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

No pix of me in the outfit, but this is the look..with black hosiery

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Oh, wow! Those are cool shooties.

[VDLT 244]

Adorable!