Has your Marriage Changed Since Surgery?

[lorri716 256]

I can honestly say I'm a lucky woman. My husband and I have been together since I was 17 (I'm now 40). I've never been a thin person, I think my lowest weight was around 195 when I met my husband. Since then I ballooned to 260 at my highest. My husband has always always told me how beautiful I am and has always been a very affectionate man. Always holding hands kissing etc. Now that I've had surgery and the smaller I get the more affectionate he becomes, if that's even possible. I think he might smother me with it eventually lol. I on the other hand am not the kissy huggy lovey type. I guess that might change I don't know. Let your husband's and wives know how you feel and eat you're thinking. Communication is key folks. Marriage is hard enough, open up with your spouse.

Edited November 22, 2015 by lorri716

[Babbs 14,680]

I've been with my husband for 28 years. I was normal size when we met, he was a little chubby.

Like me, he struggled with his weight. Like me, he went up and down and up and down. He reached his highest weight in 2006 of 300 pounds. He had a gastric bypass, and lost 130 pounds. Nothing really changed, except I continued to struggle and diet and go up and down. Although I was very happy for him, I'll have to admit, I was a little jealous. I used to tell him he took the easy way. HA!

Fast forward 9 years. I decide to get the sleeve. It was great having someone so supportive that understood what I was going through! Now almost 95 pounds later, he's incredibly happy for me....for us. We are healthy together (he's kept all but 20 pounds off for 9 years basically)

I loved him thick, I love him thin. He loved me thick, and still loves me thin.

He couldn't keep his hands off me before, and really can't keep his hands off me now

Marriage or long term relationships are all about ebb and flow. People grow and change. Life happens. Life changes. Challenges come up. But as long as the two of you are communicating and respecting each other as individuals, anything can be overcome if you both just try. But it really does have to be a mutual effort.

And because I just like this picture, here we are!

[Elode 8,093]

Mines the same! I think my husband as a bit worried when I decided to go through with surgery. He's already 22 years older than me and now I was going to lose weight. I never worried about it. I'm the same chick he married. It's almost like it never happend. I personally don't think it changes unless you wanted it to.

[tdhaddox 118]

Almost 32 years together and he loved me thin, loved me heavy and loves me still. While it feels like we are happier now I think it's mostly that I am happier with myself now and feel so much better.

[lorri716 256]

I've been with my husband for 28 years. I was normal size when we met, he was a little chubby.

Like me, he struggled with his weight. Like me, he went up and down and up and down. He reached his highest weight in 2006 of 300 pounds. He had a gastric bypass, and lost 130 pounds. Nothing really changed, except I continued to struggle and diet and go up and down. Although I was very happy for him, I'll have to admit, I was a little jealous. I used to tell him he took the easy way. HA!

Fast forward 9 years. I decide to get the sleeve. It was great having someone so supportive that understood what I was going through! Now almost 95 pounds later, he's incredibly happy for me....for us. We are healthy together (he's kept all but 20 pounds off for 9 years basically)

I loved him thick, I love him thin. He loved me thick, and still loves me thin.

He couldn't keep his hands off me before, and really can't keep his hands off me now

Marriage or long term relationships are all about ebb and flow. People grow and change. Life happens. Life changes. Challenges come up. But as long as the two of you are communicating and respecting each other as individuals, anything can be overcome if you both just try. But it really does have to be a mutual effort.

And because I just like this picture, here we are!

You guys look fantastic.

[Niki15 198]

I'm just a little over a month out of surgery.

My wife was a full supporter of me doing it. She's ridden the rollercoaster with me this last year as I went from one specialist to resolve one issue....then onto another for another.

It was getting old and I was feeling old. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. She was getting worn out with the unpredictable nature for me to do anything....plan anything.....hurting all the time.....struggling at work and dead tired on my days off.

All the specialists said the same thing, "Lose big weight young man.....or you'll not live to be an old man".

Well....I'm very relieved that after 5 weeks things are going well. I can see the distant light at the end of the tunnel. My back is doing much better. Knees are coming along but protesting anyway. I'm slowly adding Advil into my diet and it's helping the knees some. Blood pressure is way down and some of the meds are now gone....remaining meds are cut in half dosages. The side effects are going away, thankfully.

I've not bought any new clothes....but the stuff that I'd bought a week or two prior to surgery is no longer fitting.

She's been laughing along with me at the baggy-wear. She keeps telling me to shave off the beard, which I did the night before surgery, but let it grow back. I told her the beard will be here until turkey season comes in/out in the Spring.

I think she's enthused to hear me talking about hunting again. I'm eager, too. Been talking to some buddies about leasing some decent land for next year's deer season and getting in there and working on it this January & February.

It feels good to be getting back to looking ahead at the old hobbies and hopefully being more active with old friends. That's just a small part of it, though......the best thing is that my relationship with her and our son is much better.

I'd become an ill-tempered bastard aching and hurting all the time. Fear of whatever future curveballs were coming had my anxiety high. Not being able to do my job properly wore on me.

Now.....those fears are gone. Optimism has taken their place. I'm no longer the old grumpy guy that only the dogs want to be around.

Marriage is better. Fatherhood is better. Worklife is better. Jettisoning ill-fitting clothes is going to be fun. I'll have to involve her in my future clothes buying at the regular-sized men's stores.

There is absolutely nothing that I regret about this surgery and the weight loss to come. Leaner life will be better.

I'll save a ton of $$$$$$$$ next year since I won't be going to some new doctor every month.

So very grateful.

just one question I had the bypass and cannot take anything with ibuprophen should u be taking it?

[Steve Puckett 33]

I'm more healthy a slimmer now than ever in my life. My wife hasn't let me even touch her since my surgery ! The only time she would show any tenderness is when I had a hernia repair this past June and a panniculectomy. Perhaps she feels the need for me to be needy ? I'm at wits end

Edited December 1, 2015 by Steve Puckett

[Dub 9,922]

@Niki15....I'm taking it with the full concent from my surgeon.

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,443]

@@Steve Puckett -- Have you asked her what's going on? Try a quiet place for Sunday brunch or a walk in the park. Having the talk in a neutral setting will prevent either of you from feeling pinned down on your own territory if the discussion is difficult at first. Forget a place with food; it probably has a connection to whatever is on your wife's mind.

Is she by some chance particularly overweight?

Read all of that as suggestion. To write to you in terms like, "Have you considered x-y-z?" and "Do you think you can say....?" will give you more to read through and be unproductive.

Edited November 23, 2015 by WLSResources/ClothingExch

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,443]

I have been pretty big since my husband and I began dating about 8 years ago....My fear is how will I feel if he starts giving me MORE attention after surgery? I'm afraid that I will get offended knowing he didn't feel that way before, or feel that he wasn't as attracted to me when I was larger.

I share these same fears.

Three things for the men and women who share these fears:

1. Does it make sense to be worrying about something when your partners' behavior hasn't changed? It's easier to say "Stop it" than it is to turn of the anxiety and insecurity, so to you I say: "Stop it." Don't do this to yourselves.

2. Has it occurred to you that, if you receive increased affection at some point, that it may be in response to your feeling better about yourselves? That your partners are showing greater affection and attention because they are happy for you?

3. What if you're correct? So what if your partners are more loving because you look better? You think you look better, right? Yet you hold them to a higher standard? You're putting them to a secret test; if they notice the change, they fail? If they weren't attracted in the first place, they either wouldn't have married you or wouldn't have stuck around for long.

[shriner37 249]

I have been pretty big since my husband and I began dating about 8 years ago. I've always loved that he loves me just the way I am. He's never really been one for compliments (doesn't often tell me I'm beautiful, etc.). He might give me a pat on the backside every once in awhile but that's pretty much it. My fear is....how will I feel if he starts giving me MORE attention after surgery? I'm afraid that I will get offended knowing he didn't feel that way before, or feel that he wasn't as attracted to me when I was larger.

How did your marriage change after surgery? We have a very healthy marriage and I'm becoming paranoid that our relationship will change! Thoughts?

As you lose weight after surgery you will naturally feel more excited about yourself, your body and self image. You will be receiving more attention from many people as your body transforms. I'm not sure why a similar response from your husband would be seen as negative. It seems that would be positive and reinforcing if he were to react that way.

Dealing with the effects of WLS is a challenge for not only us as patients but also for family and friends. It creates different responses in everyone. Some are very supportive and serve as partners to help us succeed. Some provide positive reinforcement by commenting on our success. Others may feel threatened that you are doing something positive to change your life or guilty that you are bettering youself while they are not. The key to remember is that you are doing this for you, for your health, and for your family by being healthier and living longer. Positive reinforcement from everywhere helps along the way but it may not be universal.

Maintain focus on your goal and continually remind yourself the reasons why you are having the surgery in the first place. This will help you deal with any external issues along the way.

[fernandfj 469]

My wife has been my biggest support and fan throughout the process. My weight has yo-yo'd throughout our marriage and she has always worried about my health. We pledged that we would do what was necessary to be with each other into old age, and I dropped the ball the last few years as my weight ballooned. She stuck with me, and I think she is happier about my weight loss and lifestyle changes than I am! I could not have come as far as I have without her.

I am blessed that my marriage has always been strong and loving, and we have been through a lot and always emerged stronger. My undertaking the surgery and making the lifestyle changes has demonstrated my commitment to a better, more active life for us in the future and that has strengthened us even more.

It is important to realize that the dramatic changes that come as a result of WLS will affect everything and everyone around you. If you embrace that change it can be transformative.

[OKCPirate 5,323]

The original question was interesting, will he give me more attention and will the increased attention be a negative? Guys are so visual that he might (as well as other males BTW) give you more attention. Please be aware you might be upset if he does or does not. That to me sounds like a no win for him. BTW, please be ready for the hormone dump from the fat you are losing. It can do very strange things to your emotions. Affects both sexes. (I was enjoying chick flicks last year). So please give him and yourself some grace during this time of transition.

[pink dahlia 2,513]

I've been with my husband for 28 years. I was normal size when we met, he was a little chubby.

Like me, he struggled with his weight. Like me, he went up and down and up and down. He reached his highest weight in 2006 of 300 pounds. He had a gastric bypass, and lost 130 pounds. Nothing really changed, except I continued to struggle and diet and go up and down. Although I was very happy for him, I'll have to admit, I was a little jealous. I used to tell him he took the easy way. HA!

Fast forward 9 years. I decide to get the sleeve. It was great having someone so supportive that understood what I was going through! Now almost 95 pounds later, he's incredibly happy for me....for us. We are healthy together (he's kept all but 20 pounds off for 9 years basically)

I loved him thick, I love him thin. He loved me thick, and still loves me thin.

He couldn't keep his hands off me before, and really can't keep his hands off me now

Marriage or long term relationships are all about ebb and flow. People grow and change. Life happens. Life changes. Challenges come up. But as long as the two of you are communicating and respecting each other as individuals, anything can be overcome if you both just try. But it really does have to be a mutual effort.

And because I just like this picture, here we are!

[pink dahlia 2,513]

Babbs, you and your hubby are so cute ! Whats the word ? Oh yeah, a couple of "cutie patooties !!!" You two look like you go together like Peanut Butter and jelly !!!